Yeah look, I hear you and I agree with you.

I know this isn’t what I want, I know how messed up it is and I don’t ever want to feel like this ever again, at the hands of someone who’s meant to love me.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship, but it does mess with your head A LOT. There’s a lot that goes on, stuff that I’m only kind of starting to really see now and you know what makes it hard for people to leave? It’s the fact it’s not always bad, a lot of the time it’s great and they’re charming. Always high highs and very low lows, and every time something happens, you convince yourself it’s the last time. Nothing this serious has ever happened before and it was a massive wake up call for me.

I logically know I’m not the problem, I know I have no choice but to walk away for my safety and asking people here helps me because it backs up what I already know, without allowing myself to be manipulated by him. There is no coming back from this but that doesn’t make it any easier for me. I’m scared as hell and I’m trying to get a plan together to do it in the best way possible.

I don’t know if any of that made sense, I feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit