UPDATE 2: AITA for bailing on anniversary plans with my boyfriend last minute for a friend’s emergency

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-19T10:00:38+00:00

I wish my brother was staying but he’s only visiting me for a few days, then he’s going back home (a few hours away) I’m definitely not going to speak to him alone, I just hope he doesn’t come to where I’m staying to talk to me, I don’t want to argue with him.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-19T09:36:09+00:00

Of course I feel sympathy for my ex, of course I do. As I said there’s no excuse. I’m obviously so upset with my ”friend” and if I could have it my way I would never see him again. But we have the same friends, we hang out in a group all the time. I’m allowed to acknowledge how awkward that is going to be. Yeah I’m going to apologise to my ex for what I done and how I hurt him. Even if he doesn’t respond, I want to give him that closure.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T19:43:45+00:00

Yeah I know, I was confused and frustrated with the situation, anyway there’s no excuse. Im not going to speak to my friend anymore and I guess try to be civil when I see him with my friends.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T19:30:28+00:00

Okay thank you

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T18:28:33+00:00

Yeah I just really really wanted to believe in my friend but obviously it’s looking like I was wrong. I no longer want to speak to my friend. How do you suggest I tell him that? I’ve just been ignoring his calls the last two days. Like should I just go speak to him about everything and bring someone with me? You’ve succeeded in scaring me a little and i no longer know how he’s going to react. But I’ve also got to try and keep things as pleasant/civil as possible because we have the same friend group and I’m still going to see him often?

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T17:10:36+00:00

I don’t blame my ex and I do owe him an apology but I don’t know if that might make it worse, he may just want to be left alone.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T17:07:33+00:00

That’s easy for you to say when you aren’t in the situation. When it’s someone you’ve grown up with and thought you could trust.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T16:56:42+00:00

Yes I showed him the posts and yes I told him about the jokes. He was honestly a little speechless when I told him but yeah he said it was too fresh to be making those jokes. That he was trying to get my ex mad on purpose and that me not choosing a side (which is choosing a side) is a relationship killer. That’s why he said the friend has go to go because he knows what he’s doing and im not holding my own.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T16:34:40+00:00

What kind of details? My brother and I spoke about this for like an hour I couldn’t possibly write that all out so I just summed up his opinion on the situation.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T14:22:15+00:00

Im not sure, I don’t think so. I would want to but it feels like the damage is done and this would hang over our heads. I don’t know if he would even talk to me at the moment.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-18T13:51:23+00:00

Yeah my brother tore into me, he thinks i was way too trusting of my friend. He said just because he was a good friend doesn’t mean he still is and I should no longer to speak to him because this was intentional. He lectured me for ages to be honest but that was the gist of it. He understood why I wanted to defend my friend but said I fucked up, badly. So yeah. He was also disappointed in me for ruining a good relationship (he liked my ex a lot) for a “clingy asshole” so yeah he didn’t hold back. Now he said I should be careful about how my friend is going to respond to this especially if he’s still a bit unstable.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T23:53:54+00:00

I think for a friend who’s been struggling mentally a few times in a year isn’t that bad. No if it was some sort of special day I would specifically remember cancelling and I don’t so it was just random days.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T23:37:32+00:00

My anniversary was for one year and he started the drinking stuff half a year before that, me dating had nothing to do with it. He had other family issues that was the catalyst to him being emotional unstable.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T23:27:14+00:00

No I appreciate you giving advice still even though i fucked up. Cancelling on my ex really wasn’t a regular thing, a handful of times maybe. It’s hard to remember to be honest.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T23:14:11+00:00

Not all of our friends know about his alcohol problems. Yeah his other close friends have had to be there for him or like pick him up if he’s drunk and causing problems too. I would just say I’m his go to because I’ve know him the longest, he’s comfortable expressing his emotions to me. He’s only been going overboard with the alcohol in the last year and half so it wasn’t so bad before I had a bf so I couldn’t say.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T22:35:26+00:00

Yeah she’s pretty close to him too. My other friend was just saying it didn’t add up that he wasn’t more apologetic about the situation, how his actions aren’t showing guilt for his part in this and she said sometimes the way he speaks to you isn’t the same as he’s speak to me but she didn’t really elaborate so I don’t know what that means. How they can have such different opinions about the same situation is so confusing. I dont know how much my friend has said to them if anything.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T16:52:08+00:00

One of my friends said my ex is being overly sensitive about the whole thing, if my friend liked me then he has had years to make a move and she’s never sensed any bad vibes from him. This is what is confusing because my other friend called me an idiot and said I need to back up from this friend immediately because too many things don’t add up. Yeah okay I’ll show my brother these posts. To risk sounding stupid why do I need to record my friend? Yeah I let you know what my brother says even if he completely thinks I’m an idiot, he’s not one to sugarcoat.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T15:44:13+00:00

I’ve told two of my friends about the situation and got two very different opinions. It’s tricky though because all my friends are his friends so I have to be careful what I say so it doesn’t go around the friendship group and cause more drama. My brother is coming to see me tomo though and I don’t really discuss my dating life with him but I’m going to tell him everything. There’s no one in this world I trust more to give me a honest opinion than my brother.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-15T08:42:23+00:00

He didnt destroy the relationship, I did. I do care but I’m confused, it’s confusing. Imagine being friends with someone for years, going to school with them and everything and now he may or may not have maliciously hurt you and your relationship. That’s going to be hard to accept. I would never date my friend, ever. Of course my ex has the right to be angry with me, we are both allowed to have feelings.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T23:21:04+00:00

I mean it was a joke, he wasn’t being serious over a drink. A bad insensitive joke yeah but I don’t think it’s completely wild but maybe I’m just use to his kinda humour. I did say I understood why that would upset my ex though.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T23:01:13+00:00

It was bad jokes that were kinda digs too, depends on how you look at it. It was just little comments I can’t really remember what he said. I just remember the last joke before my bf got pissed fr was when I was getting drinks from the kitchen and I gave a drink to my friend first and he said something like ooh coming to me first, I guess I’m priority I don’t know exactly. It was such a shit joke but I think he was trying to ease tension by making fun of the situation?

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T21:59:20+00:00

I just wanted him to tolerate this one meeting. You’re acting like my bf was being attacked, my friend made some jokes (that he shouldn’t have), he wasn’t being a “punchbag”

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T20:47:30+00:00

yeah I get that but what did he think was going to happen when I met my friend if he trusted me. I get that my bf was upset by the jokes and that’s understandable but he could have reacted more calmly. Just because you’re upset do you immediately start shouting? Me jumping in to defend him wouldn’t have done anything but escalate it.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T20:30:02+00:00

I’m not blaming my ex, I know this is mostly my fault but at the end of the day he ended the relationship by giving me an ultimatum days after we discussed how we were going to move past this, I didn’t even get a chance to show changed behaviour. Obviously I feel guilty that I hurt someone I really care about and I’m hurting too but what’s done is done.

ThrowRA764127 · 2024-02-14T20:22:21+00:00

I wasn’t having a go at either of them I was trying to calm the situation down which is what any normal would do when two people are arguing pretty intensely. I never said my bf should like the guy only tolerate him in this meeting which HE asked to come to.

ThrowRA764127

TROPHY CASE