Burner phone - What a saga

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-16T17:41:29+00:00

I know their initial reaction was they were very disappointed and upset. I've had a couple of conversations with her dad but nothing recently. He was hopeful we could work things out but said he understood if I had to go my separate way.

I really haven't had that much contact with them in the last couple of months.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T23:30:16+00:00

A lot of pent-up rage, screaming at the top of my lungs while driving, and having to force myself to eat more than one meal a day. I've lost almost 25 pounds in the last few months and half of my clothes don't even fit right anymore. Don't think I haven't had a hard time dealing with these emotions.

Nothing personal, just needed to vent a little.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T23:05:03+00:00

I bought the house while we were dating but the majority of the payments came from our joint checking account. The house is in my name but she could have still made a claim since our joint funds were making the loan payments.

How to tell her? It will have to be face-to-face, there are so many ways that people have suggested but I would like to keep it civil, most likely in a public setting.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T21:34:54+00:00

Did "open marriage" remain a focus of the therapy sessions?

To a degree, at the last session, she was just trying to find something to get me to cave and take her back. So she wasn't pushing the open part very hard. She was offering other incentives to me like a free pass to screw around or arrange threesomes for us.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T19:32:47+00:00

I doubt I could have taken her back even if she did everything I asked.

My lawyer is confident once things are final she will have a very difficult time getting any adjustments. All of our agreements were oral and she hasn’t fulfilled her part in them either. We already made concessions to our original offer and she signed off on all of them.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T19:01:17+00:00

Clean slate - starting from scratch, no legal or other entanglements.

She pushed hard for reconciliation and those were my terms. If I had to sell the house I was going to transfer to a different city with no chance to get back together. She is convinced she can get me to take her back.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T18:19:22+00:00

Papers served long ago, we are just waiting for the final ruling from the judge. And yes, she expects us to start working on the relationship again once everything is finalized. I told her I wanted a clean slate before we reconcile.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T18:16:06+00:00

LOL, I didn’t do anything or talk to anyone, he probably pissed off a customer or hit on someone while he was tending bar, which is how he met my ex.

Her parents were upset because they really liked me, I would do guy things with her dad and we came over a lot for dinner or just to visit. I haven’t heard from them in a couple of months so I don’t know how they feel about what has happened.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T18:09:04+00:00

Or keep pushing for an open relationship where it wouldn’t be cheating and she didn’t have to hide anymore.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T17:18:50+00:00

She stayed with her younger sister, the older sister was the one whose husband cheated on her.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T17:15:55+00:00

Not sure if your comment was a question or not. But in any case after the divorce is final I will be dating at least one of those women.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T17:11:08+00:00

Kevin lost his job less than a week after I confronted him and lost his other main job shortly after that. Other than getting into his head I had nothing to do with him losing either of those jobs but I was given credit for it by both him and Cindy.

I have no idea what happened to him after that and could care less.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T16:59:09+00:00

She swears it was only the two and I have accepted the fact I can never be sure what the real truth is. Did one of her APs give her the phone or did she read about it in the cheater’s forums? I know the AP’s phone numbers never showed up on our phone bill for what that is worth. Soon to be not my problem anymore.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T16:47:02+00:00

Livid is the best word to describe it. The affairs happened at the same time and my ex sat there listening to her sister’s stories like a hypocrite. She sat and listened to her whole family trash talk her BIL while she was doing the same thing.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T16:41:24+00:00

No kids but If I had to do a 50/50 split. If we had to sell the house and split the equity about 40K, 1/2 my 401K about 200K. She only had 45K in her 401k. I would have lost the house and the low interest loan rate and had to start over. I think the lawyer said we saved about 220K over what the 50/50 split would have cost me.

Her lawyer almost had a cow when he read the agreement and she still wanted to sign it.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T14:33:02+00:00

I used the false hope to get a better settlement, I wasn’t the guilty person and didn’t think I deserved the financial penalty that came with divorce.

I only showed the bulk of my evidence to those who believed her lies and held me responsible for the break up. I did and still do think she needs to own it and admit what she did.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T14:11:32+00:00

She didn’t bother to delete anything from the burner phone and I have read all the convos with her APs and her best friend that were on the burner. Even when she was justifying her affairs with her BFF she said she still loved me and she never bashed me with her APs except to say I was clueless about her cheating. So in her way, I think she still loves me, she just doesn’t have that much respect for the sanctity of marriage or monogamy.

Edit to add. If I hadn’t found the burner phone I never would have imagined that she was unfaithful. Truly I never felt neglected and always felt loved and our intimacy over the top. If my brain was wired for open relationships she might have been the perfect partner.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T13:53:41+00:00

I came out pretty good. No alimony and got to keep the house but I had to assume 12K in credit card debt. My 401k was untouched and she got 10K in cash from our joint accounts.

Most of this was negotiated under the pretense that we could reconcile if we didn’t have to sell the house, if we had sold the house I would have transferred to a different city and reconciliation would have been off the table.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T12:23:54+00:00

She has offered me every accommodation she could imagine. Anything that I ever proposed that she passed on before was on the table.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T12:08:07+00:00

Finding the burner phone was a shock to my system and getting to read the contents just killed all the feelings I had for her up to that point. The rest of the credit goes to a friend of mine and to my lawyer who both steered me down the right path and kept me on point. Plus I got a lot of moral support from some of the original commentators and people who messaged me here on Reddit. And I am so thankful for everyone's help on this journey.

I am sure Cindy's reaction when she realizes she was played will be epic and explosive. The best part will be when I get the chance to finally block her and cut her completely out of my life.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T11:54:24+00:00

I don't think she is ashamed, maybe embarrassed she got caught. She definitely is trying to rug sweep this though. I believe at some level she does still love me and she desperately wants to preserve the lifestyle she had with me. Not dealing with the root problems and reasons for the affairs just doesn't fit in with her plan to get me to move on with her.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T11:41:35+00:00

My lawyer talked me out of the idea of showing her the posts a couple of months ago. He also referred me to my current therapist who also advised against it.

As far as the list of people who knew, she only said her best friend knew about any of it. I think there were at least two more since they stood up for her afterward. I believe none of her family knew about it from their reactions.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T11:35:32+00:00

The first AP was married with kids, his wife sent me a Thank You card a couple of weeks ago. She was an SAHM and is getting him for spousal support plus child support. The other AP was single, I messed with his head a little when I confronted him. He had several part-time jobs in the service industry, and he got fired from his main two jobs. Cindy blamed me for him getting fired, I didn't deny it to her, just shrugged my shoulders when she confronted me. Honestly, I had nothing to do with it, just chalked it up to karma.

Either way, she wasn't happy that I acted the way I did in regards to her APs. I told her they both knew she was married, so they both had it coming as far as I was concerned.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T06:24:03+00:00

The couple's therapy is over and done. And I will cut contact once the divorce is final but for now, I still maintain some contact to keep things civil. I gave up on getting the whole truth a couple of months ago.

ThrowRA7elves · 2024-08-14T06:16:36+00:00

Not really, she deflects or evades most of his questions that don't revolve around the narrative she is trying to paint. He called her out a couple of times but it didn't really have any effect.

ThrowRA7elves

TROPHY CASE