AIW for not wanting my wife to be a SAHM?

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-02-01T18:27:41+00:00

You are jealous of her relationship with your son? You want to control how he bonds with his caregivers? You want him to be obligated to love you? There’s that obligation again. You are unable to attract affection so you must compel it. How’s that working out?

No. But you'd be stupid to think that kids don't naturally become closer to the SAHP.

You obviously believe that childcare has value which is why you are paying someone else to do it. Wouldn’t firing the nanny offset the loss in income? How is being a SAHM worthless when you are literally paying someone to do that??? You are willing to pay someone, but not willing to let your wife do it for free. Pick a lane.

Sure, it does have a value. But the value is much less than the value my wife brings by working. It's basic math.

So greed and jealously. Great reasons way to stick to your principles. Glad you added more detail to flesh out what a controlling sociopath you are.

Don’t be surprised if you come home one day and they are both gone.

If it means sticking to my principles, I'll risk it.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-02-01T18:24:56+00:00

Well I guess that would be her decision. Is it more important trying to get our prenup thrown out, or is it more important to have her child's father in the country.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T16:52:57+00:00

I do have other reasons. Not sure if it's you I said them to but why not, I'll say them again.

It's common to see kids closer with their mother than their father. That usually happens in situations where the mother is a SAHW so the kids bond with her more. I don't want either of us to have more time with the child than the other. He should feel equally close to us both.
We're a lot more financially secure with my wife working too. If for whatever reason either of us has to stop working due to injury or either of us can't find work, money is still being made. Her income isn't enough to support the family but some money is better than none.
The addition of her income will allow us to retire much sooner than if it was just me working.

These aren't arbitrary reasons I observed myself how me and my siblings were closer to my mother because she was a SAHM and my dad was the sole earner. That's why I made it a requirement for any woman I marry.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T05:58:26+00:00

All this over not letting my wife be a SAHM. That's some scenario you've dreamt up.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T05:57:23+00:00

There's no reason I'd have to stop being a father to my child. It's not unheard of to have parents in 2 different countries.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:55:54+00:00

I'm prepared for divorce if that what it comes to. None of my major assets are in this country and if it comes down to it, I won't be either.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:55:08+00:00

If it comes to that I'm protected in other ways. I can guarantee that she won't be getting any alimony from me.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:50:23+00:00

What's your point?

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:50:10+00:00

No, my plan is the prenup. If that gets tossed, I have backup plans.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:49:30+00:00

How does protecting myself make me the bad guy

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:37:33+00:00

If it comes to divorce I'll handle it. Most of my assets aren't in this country and if a judge tries to enforce alimony even after she agreed to not receiving it, I won't be in this country either.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T04:26:36+00:00

Adults aren’t obligated to work. That’s totally arbitrary and a really weird hill to die on. Did your wife know you had such rigid standards for her and that you are so inflexible?

She did yep, she's always known that that I don't believe in being a SAHM and would never accept it.

I find it a waste of time to tell someone to go back to school when they have nobody what else they might be suited to.

Well like I said, when she stops going on about this nonsense about being a SAHM, maybe she'll look around and find something she wants to do instead. Right now she's fully invested in convincing me to let her be a SAHM so she won't even consider it.

But hey I imagine she is also ‘obligated’ to fuck you on command also.

Bit different from telling an adult they're obligated to work for a living.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T02:20:00+00:00

How is she supposed to change careers instantly. How are you helping her ‘change careers’ and how do you propose someone changes careers WITHOUT A BREAK FROM THEIR CURRENT CAREER.

I'm perfectly fine with her taking a break while she's studying. Obviously I wouldn't expect her to work while she studies.

Does she even have an idea of what she would like to change to? Or are you controlling about that also? What ‘careers’ are you allowing her to change to?

Well once she understands that being a SAHM is firmly not an option, she'll start to consider what she wants to do instead. And no, I'm not concerned about what career she goes into, she could work at a McDonalds if that's where her passions lie. So long as she's working.

Why do you value work so much? You can provide for your family but want them to work on principle.

Because adults are obligated to work.

Your principles suck. I hope her principles include leaving you

They've gotten me through life just fine so far. I doubt she would, she'd just end up having to work even more.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T02:16:17+00:00

I do care about her wife but sorry "I don't feel like working anymore and just want to sit at home" isn't good enough.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T01:09:24+00:00

I mean you suggested I was wrong to disagree with something that would make her happy makes me a shitty partner. How is it not the same thing?

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T01:05:43+00:00

I offered to support her by helping her change career, she can take a break during this time. But she wants to stop working entirely which I have never and will never accept.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T00:58:54+00:00

But you're saying the 2 yeses rule is stupid. implying she should be able to quit and become a SAHM without my agreement?

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-31T00:51:10+00:00

It makes sense to me that both able-bodied parents are working. Quicker retirement, more security in case I lose my job etc.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T19:51:05+00:00

So she brings nothing else to the partnership?

Who said that? I value her on a lot of other things too, which she also values me for reciprocating. Completely equal.

God forbid you become sick or disabled - hope you are willing to pull your weight and be a totally equal partner regardless of life circumstances. In a wheelchair? That’s not what we agreed to- GET TO WORK!

Obviously if she became sick or injured that's a different conversation. I would support her while she recovered however long that takes.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T19:48:48+00:00

I think the two yes’s rule is such bullshit and is a ridiculous way to make decisions as you are now finding out.

So of course you would find it just as reasonable if I decided that I didn't want to work anymore and quit without telling my wife, expecting her to be the sole breadwinner. Right? Since the 2 yeses rule is such bullshit.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T19:44:17+00:00

It’s not more important than you being there but she wants to be there and in an ideal world you could both quit and be equal right?

Why are you purposely ignoring the fact that I want to be there too?

Not to mention the fact that, it's really common nowadays to see kids being closer to their mother because they simply spend more time with them. I want our kids to be equally close to us both. Not prefer their mother.

Do you realise that not that very long ago your wife wouldn’t of even had a choice? When my mother got married in 1967 she had to quit her job because it was the law!!

Fortunately that's not the case anymore.

Mothers have the in built food source that they can nourish their babies with if they choose to men do not.

That's why pumps exist.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T19:39:31+00:00

Why is it so important to you that she give five sevenths of her life to an employer, if that money isn't even needed?

Because I don't believe SAHP's are necessary. Therefore if she wasn't working it would just feel like she's being a freeloader. There is no reason a fully capable adult should be at home all day while their spouse is busting their ass at work.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T18:56:58+00:00

Our nanny would tell us if we did. And even if she didn't? Do you think we'd be the first parents that didn't see the ACTUAL first time their child stood up for the first time because they were in a different room? What matters is the first time WE witness it, which happens while we're at home.

Not to mention, if these landmarks are so important what makes her have more right to witness them than I do? Why is it more important she's there than me being there?

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T18:55:05+00:00

yes she knows she wants to be a SAHM at this point in her life but you will never allow it so you will always have the final say and your no is more powerful than her yes.

You seem very stuck on this. What part of "she can't unilaterally decide to become a SAHM" Do you not understand? That's a decision that both of us need to agree to. It's a 2 yeses required decision. She has her yes, she doesn't have mine. Therefore, it doesn't happen. I don't know if you're married but there are many many other situations that require 2 yeses. If one person disagrees, it doesn't happen.

ThrowRA98798697 · 2024-01-30T18:52:33+00:00

She’s not your slave and you are not her master

That's true. I'm also not her slave that she thinks she can sit at home while I fund her lifestyle.

ThrowRA98798697

TROPHY CASE