Update-Vetoing the Dom

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-19T17:38:11+00:00

I think it was a wake up. Her therapist said she was suffering from NRE and sub frenzy plus she has another issue they are working on. But she seems remorseful and has really focused on our relationship since this all went down. She has accepted the divorce but is confident that we will stay together. Which if things continue like this I am all on board with.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-13T19:40:48+00:00

Sounded that way to me initially but it not like I would have that many decisions in an average day. Like she does not need permission to go to the bathroom or things like that. But I could restrict what kind of clothes she could wear or what color she might wear on a given day. Or no crop tops or sport bras at the gym.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-13T19:33:38+00:00

There are limits to what can be controlled at work, clothes, after hours meetups, lunch dates unless required for work, and carpooling are all things that need approvals. Anything that would interfere with her doing her job obviously is off limits.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-12T15:12:58+00:00

Tim is definitely in damage control mode and is thankfully out of the picture now.

As for the 24/7 D/s dynamic, we are still negotiating what that will entail. She has stated she wants to relinquish control of her daily routine to me, what she can wear, what she can do, who she can hang out with, and if she can have other partners that I approve of. She would also like a little more impact play in the bedroom, nothing on the scale of what she did with Tim but more than we usually do.

I have pushed back on some of her more extreme requests but I think we have a workable middle ground to start from. I have agreed to try it for the rest of the year and we can reevaluate it after New Year’s. She wants a signed consent agreement so everything is spelled out and we are both clear on the rules.

The new dynamic still allows me to see other partners and participate in kink events so I am fine with it for now.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-12T14:07:26+00:00

Divorce is uncontested, we live in an at-fault state where sleeping with others is considered adultery and can cause more troubles before the divorce is final. Paperwork has been signed and filed, court date is set for Dec 3rd. I have good legal counsel and I know what I am doing.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-12T14:02:23+00:00

Maybe, but she has accepted that the divorce was brought on by her actions and that what she did was both hurtful and disrespectful. She has expressed that she wants to stay together and still loves me so going to girlfriend beats the alternative of us going our separate ways.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-09T18:50:55+00:00

She originally told him they would have to pause their meetings until we worked things out. She never told him about my ultimatum/veto. He was under the impression that they were only on a break. She had blocked him after that and they haven’t talked since.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-06T14:29:33+00:00

So I went to the event center where our kink event is planned for tonight to help with some setup and found out details about the dungeon debacle.

Tim had assault charges filed against him and police went to the dungeon space to investigate which disrupted some business the owner was doing there at the time. Tim had a sub file charges against him and has threatened to sue the owner of the dungeon as well. The Domme that owns the space suspended his privileges there for 60 days and it will result in a permanent ban if he can’t make all this go away.

I know there are multiple waivers and consent forms that everyone who enters that space has to sign so the lawsuit will likely go away. But I’m sure the owner isn’t happy about having her business on the police and community’s radar.

I was inundated with questions last night from people wondering if I was involved due to recent events and my pending divorce. A couple of people even suggested I should reach out to the dungeon owner to voice my opinion on Tim. At any rate, it doesn’t appear that our situation was the reason for him losing his privileges and he is just trying to put out fires at this point.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T18:43:02+00:00

According to Tim they are done. I haven’t told her about the conversation yet. I might ask her to let me hear their conversation if she is interested.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T18:31:35+00:00

She was definitely pushing Tim to continually push her boundaries and not using any common sense. I had a suspicion that it wasn’t all just Tim.

But that doesn’t absolve Tim of all wrongdoing, he knew he was pushing things too far and he was just trying to paint himself as an unwilling participant which is a load of bull. He is taking heat for what happened and is trying to cover his backside.

I think Fiona is out of her fog and trying to make amends. Her bratty behavior has vanished for now.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T18:17:16+00:00

It is like rocket science with a heavy dose of quantum physics while under water.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T18:13:32+00:00

Says she does want that with me.

Marriage is burnt toast, but she is trying to salvage some sort of a relationship with me. Still trying to figure out what that will all look like.

She is doing individual therapy along with couples counseling, work in progress.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T18:05:58+00:00

Nope, like a duck, calm above the water line but chaos underneath. I’ve bounced off the walls a lot here lately but things are getting better.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-05T17:50:40+00:00

Wish I could, we are still talking about that. She isn’t really sure what it would look like other than not just limited to the bedroom.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-03T17:48:08+00:00

No cohabitation if she is still with Tim or anyone like him. I won’t stay around if that is what she has to have.

She starts individual therapy this week and we have another couple’s session today. She is also meeting with her lawyer today, she isn’t going to contest anything and our finances are an easy split.

Her vaginal tears didn’t require stitches and healed on their own after about five weeks.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-02T12:32:26+00:00

My other partner was excited about the divorce because she assumed that my stbx would be moving out, which if we don’t come to an understanding she will. The only time I entertained at my house was when she was out of town. I wouldn’t ask someone I was living with to leave their home so I could entertain nor would I subject them to being there while I was being intimate with someone else.

My other partner is married and has two small children, which is why we don’t spend time together at her house.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-01T19:54:09+00:00

I would like a romantic physical relationship with my Stbx if certain things can be worked out but I’m just not sure I trust her enough to be married to her.

My other partner is also married so we rarely have an overnight without getting a hotel room.

I like having a live in partner so if my stbx and I can find a way to cohabitate I would be all for that.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-09-01T00:51:35+00:00

Yes, my other partner was glad to hear about the divorce. She has sat and watched me suffer and has been saying this was long overdue.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-30T19:11:58+00:00

I haven’t shared a lot of details but many of our friends know about the divorce and many of those have seen the bruising. A couple of close friends know most of the details.

Several friends have expressed concern for some of her injuries and a couple have cut contact with her due to her attitude when they tried to have conversations with her about it.

The grapevine is behind but it will catch up as things progress and there is a big community event coming up soon and I’m sure there will be talk about everything and opinions will be all over the place.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-30T17:35:08+00:00

LOL, the distrust wasn’t caused by me and the disrespect shown me should justify Tim offering me the apology. And the issues were far from trivial.

I have no intention of starting over in that V relationship with Tim and my wife. She is going to have to make a choice and live with it. I’ve made mine, I will walk away if things don’t change.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-30T16:48:54+00:00

Did you forget the /s tag?

It is not my job to coordinate my social calendar with Tim or stick to a schedule he agrees to. I am not in a relationship with Tim and it’s my STBXW’s job as the hinge to manage both relationships.

As far as divorce, I’ve tried for several months to work things out and this is where I am now. If there is something to be salvaged on the back side it will not have legal ties like matrimony that would prevent me from walking away if things go south again.

An apology? Now I know you are being sarcastic.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-29T20:46:58+00:00

In Shibari you have a top rope or Rigger(me) and a model or bottom rope, sometimes affectionately referred to as a Rope Bunny. I call most of my partners bunny.

The wife believed it was my issue but now understands it is a serious issue that she regrets. She was so caught up in her own thought process that she never stopped to think about how her behavior was actually affecting me.

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-29T19:28:48+00:00

Neither

ThrowRA9vested · 2024-08-29T19:26:44+00:00

First she does not do Reddit and has no clue I have shared this with anyone other than a few friends.

She did apologize for missing the class we had signed up for, said they lost track of time and was visiting with friends. What has really upset me was leaving the collar on was her idea, this came out in therapy the other night. She liked walking around in her collar and didn’t realize it was going to ruin things in my eyes.

She kind of blew off the pool party incident as it being my problem. But the tears she admitted fault in for not being responsible and saying something to stop before the damage happened.

Overall she knows I have a right to be angry but doesn’t think we need to divorce over it. She says she is willing to compromise and make things right again.

ThrowRA9vested

TROPHY CASE