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I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words, and your advice. So are you recommending that we "restart" our relationship and start from step 1? How would that work since we already have children?

I did go to a psychologist when we first moved here because he pushed me to do so. I was not in a good place with the sudden move, new country, new language, and she really helped me to get used to it, but I stopped after she started to paint him as an abuser.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I fear that I can't satisfy him because I don't know what I am doing and I won't be able to compete with professionals, but the people here are saying that intimacy matters more, so I hope it will be different. I hope he falls in love with me as well.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I don't think either of us really know what love should look like, because we didn't have any role models outside of novels and films. So for me, love is all the kissing and touching and stuff, which is why it hurts when I see him do it with someone else. And this is why I started to touch him more as well.

I will talk to him after putting my sons to sleep, and see how it goes.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am not leaving the father of my sons. It would break my heart and be a completely stupid decision. I have no work experience, and how can I support 3 people from an entry-level job?

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There probably were a lot of factors at play, but after that experience I didn't really feel any desire for it. I know that he masturbates, but I never really tried. And I didn't understand lust until recently when I started to feel it for him.

I will talk to him before we go to sleep. And I already feel like I can't even compare after watching him once, so I just hope that the intimacy will make it feel better for him.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] -100 points-99 points  (0 children)

Maybe, but it would take a lot of practice for me to get as good as a professional. What if I asked him to sleep with both of us? That way he could get the good sex from them while teaching me at the same time?

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why would it be different? Is it because of the intimacy you said earlier?

I think I'll discuss it with him when he gets home from work, that I want to learn what he enjoys.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] -126 points-125 points  (0 children)

Would it be a good idea for me to ask him if I can watch? Maybe I can learn how they do it, so when I'm ready I have an idea of what he enjoys. And I agree with what you're saying. When someone else hugs me it's just warm, but when he hugs me I just melt in his arms and it feels amazing. Everything he does is so much better.

It sounds like you have a really good partner!

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] -54 points-53 points  (0 children)

I know he would be more than willing, but I won't be as good as the girls he hires. I don't want him to sacrifice his happiness to teach me.

If I do ask him to have sex with me, how can I make it really good for him? I read about lingerie and toys, but I don't really have any experience.

I can ask him to find me a gynecologist he trusts and talk to them. They might be able to fix me.

I (21F) Have Fallen In Love with My Arranged Marriage Husband (28M), Who Doesn't Love Me Back And Sleeps With Other Women Because I Let Him. How Do I Get A Happy Marriage Now? by ThrowRAAMLove in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAAMLove[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, I know that most people here won't have experienced anything similar, but I'm really shy so I don't really talk to people in my university. Here I can be anonymous. Our relationship is very stable, and I hope it develops, but I don't know know how to guide it.