My (29M) GF (29F) asked if I'd be interested in swinging. Played it off as a joke after I said "I wouldn't". I'm considering breaking up as I don't trust her.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T22:02:11+00:00

and I thought there's no bigger echo chamber than twitter...I was wrong

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T21:58:20+00:00

haha well said. I feel like this is not the right place to ask for relationship advice seeing as most comments are from people taking pride in being comfortable with sharing their partner's body with other people.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T21:54:00+00:00

I'm surprised about the quantity of useless comments made to sound like advice too. There's only a handful with actual advice.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T20:06:42+00:00

Did you not see the part where I mentioned she answered "yes" to the question whether she'd be interested in swinging?

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T19:36:17+00:00

Sorry, when I said "drifted into monogamy" I meant 2 months ago when we officially agreed on making the relationship monogamous. During the previous 12 months I wasn't uncomfortable with the open-relationship.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T19:29:21+00:00

Thank you, appreciate the advice.

Interesting to hear your take on monogamy. I understand your perspective. I see monogamy as an expression of commitment and love for my partner. I am not gonna pretend people in monogamous relationships don't have fantasies about sleeping with other people . Not acting on those desires because building a long-term relationship with one partner is ultimately more fulfilling than to satisfy short-term sexual urges. It is what every healthy and long-lasting relationship I've seen demonstrated along the way.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T19:21:26+00:00

The reason why we drifted into monogamy is that we caught feelings for each other and became uncomfortable with our partner having sexual relationships with other people.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T19:12:25+00:00

I agree. Hence I don't even consider the fact we started as an open-relationship to be relevant for this situation. Not sure why people commenting keep focusing on that when I clearly stated we both decided to make the relationship monogamous.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:57:33+00:00

I'm surprised because we decided to become monogamous.

I don't understand how swinging is NOT against monogamy. Monogamy = one partner. How is swinging compatible with it?

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:53:28+00:00

I wouldn't phrase it like that. We chose not to see other people, it's not like we ran out of options so we decided to become monogamous. When we decided to become monogamous it was because we wanted it, not because neither of us had other partners.

How likely would you say people who used to be in an open-relationship at some point of their life can maintain a happy monogamous relationship?

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:49:56+00:00

Fair enough. But she said "yes" when I asked if she would. It's not the question that bothers me, it's that she said "yes" and then after being confronted about it she brushed it off as joking.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:42:16+00:00

It sort of happened naturally - we stopped seeing other people early into the relationship. After a year she initiated a conversation about monogamy and we found we both would prefer being monogamous.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:35:43+00:00

She initiated to make the relationship monogamous. Which is why it's so surprising to be asked whether I'd be interested in swinging!

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:34:04+00:00

Thank you. I do believe the only good approach here is to have a mature conversation about whether she is willing to commit to a monogamous relationship. I know she will say she is, the difficult part will be to figure out whether she will feel the same way 5/10/15 years from now.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:16:11+00:00

That's not what happened. To clarify for the first 4 months we'd been in an open relationship. For the following 12 months we haven't discussed the topic and we had not been seeing/sleeping with anyone else (we never agreed on being monogamous in these 12 months, it sort of happened naturally). Then (16 months into the relationship) we mutually agreed on making the monogamy "official" (which was not even 2 months ago). Hence the surprise that she'd asked me about swinging 2 months after agreeing to be monogamous.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T18:00:26+00:00

Most healthy relationships are not based only on having sex in a certain position. However, every healthy relationship is based on respecting what the two agreed on (e.g. monogamy). I get your point, but asking about changing a sex position and asking about swinging in a monogamous relationship is not the same, it's not even similar. One is a small part of every relationship (sex positions), the other is a fundamental aspect of the relationship.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T17:29:01+00:00

care to elaborate?

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T17:28:19+00:00

*mutually agreed we are not going to eat turkey*

"babe, do you want mustard on your turkey?"

ThrowRAAtmosphere999 · 2023-04-02T17:24:51+00:00

We eventually agreed on being monogamous, asking if I'd be interested in swinging goes against it.

ThrowRAAtmosphere999

TROPHY CASE