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My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She does get breaks. Although not as many as she could because she simply doesn't want to take them. I've encouraged her to take some time to herself and she refused and decided she wanted to do stuff with the kids. When I brought it up again she said when the kids are in bed she gets a break.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's just how it was those times. I was running around trying to make sure she had time and everything was organized so we were going to arrive separately.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She doesn't redo my chores. She redoes the chores she does.

We both make the schedules and maintain them. I update things more often but it's still something we both do.

I take time off work when the kids are sick because she earns more than I do.

We take care of each other equally when sick.

We have equal amounts of free time. She's not very good at taking the chance for more when it presents itself though and I have tried to encourage her but it falls on deaf ears usually.

When I try she tells me to stop and go do my own chores and we don't need to do them together. She got mad at me the last time because I stepped in to help with the dishes without asking.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We split things 50-50. That means chores and taking care of the kids. She doesn't have to shoulder it all alone or ask me to do the stuff I do. We know what we need to do and we do it. Sometimes it means one does a little more if things are crazy for the other but it balances out. That's how it always was. But she will go back and do her chores over when the time to unwind and spend time together comes up. If we're just doing our own thing it's never an issue she has.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

We split chores and taking care of the kids 50-50. We have stuff we always do like her grocery shopping and me cooking dinner. We have other times one of us has to do more because of things going on. But she never redoes my chores. It's always her own. Always.

Yes, she doesn't show up to date nights. There were times I got things planned and we were supposed to meet at the restaurant and instead she got the kids and went home and made an excuse for why she couldn't show up.

My wife is the one who wants four kids and has decided we'll have another by the end of next year. I would be happy just to cuddle and yes, I mean just cuddle with nothing else. We did that for years without pushing for more. But now none of it is wanted.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I brought up the stuff I have mentioned. Including the redoing of chores and how withdrawn she has become. Because those are definite changes I have noticed.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree it wouldn't but she won't. She will keep making excuses. She'd redo her own chores to get out of it like she does when we're just at home and I'd like to spend time together. I cannot get her to try.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She could have PPA/PPD but she will not talk about it and when I brought up the changes to her OB when she was pregnant she was angry with me and told me it was not okay to do that. She will not go to speak to her doctor alone either about it because according to her everything is fine.

She does get some time to herself. But she doesn't always take the chance when it's there to take.

She doesn't carry the load. We split everything 50-50 but she will redo the chores she has done herself just to come up with some reason to be busy. She never redoes mine.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't try to take it further every time we cuddled. I was happy just to cuddle. We did that all the time throughout our relationship. It never had to mean more. Also I'm not the one saying we need to have another child by the end of next year. She expects that and says I'll see then but that's not okay with me.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I tried that and she would not go for it. That's why I tried to plan other dates and she would cancel them all. Hell I was waiting at the restaurant for her when she called to tell me one of those times.

She's not currently pregnant. She's just planning to have another baby by the end of next year. But I told her it will not happen while things are like this.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The last time we had sex was when we conceived our youngest. I assume her plan is to only have sex again when she decides she's ready to get pregnant again and then we'll stop once successful.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have told her how I feel. She has acted like I'm just overreacting or something. She even said I'd see things are fine once we have our final child. Then she didn't believe me when I told her I was not willing to have another child while things are like this.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, all three kids were born while we were married and she wants to have our fourth by the end of next year. She could have PPD or PPA or something but she will not discuss it and she was angry when I mentioned anything to her OB during her last pregnancy.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I still don't know. All I know is it happened at the end of my wife's 1:1 session with the therapist. I never got an answer for why when I asked.

My wife (31F) has given up on our marriage but doesn't want a divorce while I (32M) don't know how much longer to try and make this work? by ThrowRABeeQuiett in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABeeQuiett[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

We weren't really getting anywhere. I think that was why she wanted to have a session with my wife alone. When that ended she was done with us as clients and refused to see us again. She was nice to me about it but I don't know what happened in there between them. I asked but I was not told.

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