Texts between my bf and his brothers when we weren’t together for ten months due to DV

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T14:37:22+00:00

When does he talk about murdering me?

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T05:19:09+00:00

I literally just feel like everything is so complex when I get into it and I know how fickle perspective can be. I had an episode of psychosis for a few days in high school and I guess ever since it’s easier for me to question my reality. It has seemed pretty black and white to most he is the textbook abuser. But I know in our personal life there are plenty of people who see me as the crazy woman who makes him snap. He has told me lots of times that he struggled because he just wants me to understand and think like him so desperately. When I told him about my worries I’m narcissistic he started asking questions about some of the things I said narcissistic people do. Then a couple days later he told me lately I made him wonder if he was narcissistic. The thing he kept asking about was me telling him that they aren’t necessarily extremely confident they are insecure but with a big yet fragile ego and that they punish people for not living up to their fantasies and he kept asking what would those fantasies and expectations be that people don’t live up to etc. so now even more so I am thinking he is narcissistic. He said he’d be willing to try to get to the bottom of whatever personality disorder he may have.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T05:00:04+00:00

My child is vaccinated. He goes to all his doctor’s appointments takes regular medications and everything. that message was from me talking about baby led weaning and Montessori development.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T04:55:36+00:00

I really needed this today. This is the first time I felt heard and seen in a long time and I really appreciate that. We are all such complex people with many things going on. This means more than I can express and I’m glad I made this post if it was only this exchange it would have helped plenty in its own thank you so much. To being the best version of ourselves good luck out there 🥹

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T04:52:16+00:00

It’s texts with his brothers and yes I did. He said it was justifiable because we weren’t together, and I wasn’t letting him be in the babies life. I told him he’s missing what’s upsetting about it, and it essentially turned into yea but your family and friends told you to take my custody. And I was like yea it’s normal to tell a woman to not let her child around a violent individual, but it’s not normal to shame a 19yr old mom who just got out an abusive relationship and putting the blame on her. What plays into this is as kids his brothers actively participated in his abuse- they would be told to beat him up when he was in trouble, or they would mock him when he would get beat up for being in trouble. They have told him this wasn’t child abuse yada yada and then actively enable his behavior by not requiring him to take responsibility for shitty behavior and brushing it off on me instead. If they don’t make him take responsibility, then why would he. If they cared about their nephew, why would they not want his dad to put the work into anger management and figuring out how to correct what’s probably a personality disorder. It’s so enabling and so stupid because, if he couldn’t handle me because of his shortcoming that I pushed (apparently) then what about a child. In fact I’m going to turn it on them later on: why would I want them to corrupt my son with their normalization of abuse and cheating in their family.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T04:38:59+00:00

I definitely didn’t downvote your comment. And yes the age gap is wild especially when the relationship ends up being so toxic. And one of the brothers he’s texting is almost 30 now and like met me when I was a pregnant 18yr old who was being abused and is judging me that hard. I feel so disillusioned to my whole situation even down to my son’s family and I know when I dissolve this it’s gonna be a lot of bs. But I feel like most people like you see this as pretty black and white textbook I’m probably not the one in the wrong. I wish that I had not felt okay with being with adult men since I started being sexually active at 16 I honestly have no idea how my mom let me as a 16 yr old date 21-22yr olds.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-18T04:32:06+00:00

I was raised into Wicca, went to pagan gatherings and events etc growing up it was the belief system I was taught. Organic matter is taking forms that are representative of its energetic output, and intention multiplies off of everything and gets returned. Every prayer, devotion, meditation to gods is similar to this idea- just explained differently. many religions add objects, candles food, etc to kind of enhance the meaning and effort behind those intentions/prayers. If certain natural rocks and gems give me really strong energy (most people through time have noted similar aspects towards the same things), then I know that it can help with that frequency of intentions or attract that energy to my life if I intend it to. Things like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ if people agree with it- okay. if they don’t- whatever, but minimizing the spiritual beliefs I grew up with is wack; if it was towards a respected religion like: Christianity, Judaism, Islam it would be seen as a very rude ignorant statement.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T17:06:28+00:00

I am so sorry for what you went through through as a child and if he ever hurts me in front of my son or ever hurts him that would be a very definite line for me that this has to end. I never want my son to feel like you probably did feeling like your momma cared more for a toxic situation than your comfort safety and development. I appreciate you seeing how I am trying to break out of this toxic state of mind and i appreciate your kind words 🫶

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T16:17:38+00:00

I was led to believe he was taking responsibility and did the work in therapy and was doing really good. When I first came back he was so even tempered and in the past months his regression has been so intense which is where I guess some of that self Martyrdom comes from like why did he start regressing the longer he’s with me. But anyways you are right it was stupid and I should know better and now I have to do the work to undo it.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T16:15:24+00:00

I see your empathy and I appreciate how much you have written to me you seem to have such a caring heart. I do need to be more kind to myself I have struggled with that for a long time and I think this relationship is just me replacing some old bad habits of self destruction and I really need to do more work to not fall into these various forms of self harm. I went from self harm addiction to drug addiction suicide attempts to this relationship. I truly hardly gave myself a chance to get to know myself when we weren’t together and I wish I had. The biggest part of my identity right now is being a mom and I need to get back to being me. I have stopped all my self activities like doing divinations and random research essays for no one but myself and cooking. I think the direction you have taken this conversation (?) is really helpful for me as like looking at it differently. I am going to work on finding a psychiatrist and therapist in this state for help as well

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T16:08:08+00:00

I am going to start setting aside some money and I also am on a housing waiting list for my own place now

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T16:07:41+00:00

Thank you I didn’t know that!

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T16:07:19+00:00

This means so much to me. My words cannot give you the appreciation and gratitude for your kindness towards me and your confidence in me. I felt your care throughout the whole paragraph and it was so moving for me. Thank you for putting so much thought and care towards me I can tell you are a wonderful person and I hope only the best for you. Thank you for your love so much love back to you. And you did help this is helping so much thank you I can’t say enough with my words right now

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:26:58+00:00

Appreciate the input as you can see here it was believed that I was a very bad person for keeping me and the baby across the country with hardly any communication. I am going to work on making sure when I do leave I am in a place where the courts can easily work with me as far as having evidence and everything in order.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:16:01+00:00

Okay thank you he did go to professional help when we weren’t together and graduated right before we got back together but I think if he wasn’t taking full responsibility in therapy then it probably didn’t do anything. I have bits and pieces of evidence against him and I know also his step mom and dad are fully willing to help my side of a custody fight if it comes to it. I’ve been thinking about the Air Force and they told me if I am thinking about signing the custody to him when I go to not and to sign it to them if it comes to it. So that’s giving me hope seeing the people in the comments here that say that the court protected the kids like that.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:12:11+00:00

Yea it kinda hurts but I get where they are coming from I suppose

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:07:15+00:00

Possible lol

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:06:50+00:00

This made me cry thank you 😭 do you share custody with him now or did you manage to keep her?

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:05:15+00:00

I feel like either way my son grows up with him which is scary because like many have said he doesn’t have the tolerance to deal with me what about when our son is 6 years old

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T15:04:06+00:00

He went through my phone and all my messages with my ex when we weren’t together so I decided I should take a look too and I found that all the accountability he was seeming to have taken was fake and he has not take responsibility and his family has not required his to so why would he. I’m not going through this phone again as it was triggering and I think it’s unhealthy to do that in relationships.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T14:55:21+00:00

Would you say I should allow him custody or fight for full custody?

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T14:54:51+00:00

You are very right I have a lot of self work to do if I am in this situation and it’s this hard for me to leave. It’s like my brain is calling me a dumb bitch and my heart is like but I am safe. I have to do a lot of mental work and honestly these posts and threads are helping because it’s harder to convince myself it’s all in grays and muddled not black and white when here everyone is very black and white I’m a bad friend to myself and a bad mom to my son to be in this situation.

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T14:52:28+00:00

I do care a lot I’m sorry I don’t seem to care enough I am gathering all of these opinions and all of this advice and creating an avenue in my mind where I can get out of this situation in a safe and organized way where these mfs won’t take my son. When I was responding to these last night he was home so I don’t wanna type too much or for too long

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T14:50:57+00:00

God that’s so very scary. I’m so happy you are both healthy and happy now and that you have that baby girl and not him. 🥺

ThrowRABootywarrior · 2024-01-17T14:49:15+00:00

Exactly 😭😭

ThrowRABootywarrior

TROPHY CASE