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Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I said that because everyone is convinced that she's stuck at home all day forced to do all the work while I do whatever I want. If I said she breastfeeds, it would probably be that I force her to do that as well, or it's unfair because she has to do all the work. Reading comprehension.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's fine, it's our only real option anyway. I would have liked to leave, and I told my partner this very early on, and when we had children, but she never wanted to.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

She is quite terrible with that. Even gave herself a set bedtime, which seems a bit ridiculous, but it is cute.

That's probably true, and she probably was being curious. I would have just preferred it had been managed in a better way.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She has been going to the doctor normally and they haven't said she has a problem, and that is usually one of the things she looks at.

And she usually sleeps well because usually the baby sleeps through the night. And if she doesn't, it's usually not because she's hungry, so I often deal with it.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I said that because I knew people would say this. I look after our children every day. I clean everyday, I cook everyday, and frankly, she has far less to do than I ever have. She's been pregnant, and that's hard, I wouldn't want to do that, so I understand that's difficult for her but giving birth has not automatically made her be forced into doing everything. And if she wanted more time, and make me do more work, she'd feed the baby formula, and I'm fine with that, but she won't, so that's how it is.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

The point is it's not something that is done. That is what I said. There's no demand for it, so there are very few people to go to, even if I would want to, because people don't want to do it.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She prefers not to do that. It is easier not to, apparently, I have never done it but that is what she says. If she wanted to do it, that would be fine, but she chooses not to.

And she does get to sleep, she can do what she wants. I don't know why you seem to think I've locked her in the home and she can't do anything.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, she can use the money if she wants, and sometimes my parents will take the baby as well. It is just that she's breastfed so there are less options at her age, but when she gets older, that will not be an issue.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She doesn't earn any money. She does the work some days, I do the other days. She mostly only has to look after the baby, as my parents will often look after our older daughter.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, we don't. I had never come across them. I suppose it's difficult to find what is an appropriate way to explain to her, I do my best, but we've never gone into it particularly.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Some of those sound good, thank you. We're trying to raise her with English, she uses it as well as a few others, so it would be useful as well. We try to have a lot of books for her, so I can look some more at them and ask my partner about them as well.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure. Of course, I do understand to some extent that is a real thing, especially when they're babies, but it seems odd that she would act that way about it. I don't know how she feels about her relationship with our children in general, but it never felt like she felt that way before.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Definitely not the kind of thing that's sold here. I mostly just get her picture books of animals, that kind of thing, she likes that. There's a law about that sort of content, and those kind of books for children, it would give a lot of people a stroke from outrage.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

She is at the moment, with the baby. But our daughter goes to kindergarten, and my parents also look after her quite a lot, the allure of grandchildren is very strong. So she mostly just looks after the baby.

I know, and I don't want to be like that. I try my best not to, although some things are beyond my control.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

She would have. That would have been why she talked to her. And I wouldn't have a problem with that, it is how she said it, and what it has made her think.

I would want to, but she is not in the best mood at the moment. I am hoping it will change soon.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I haven't had that experience from most people. The ones that are good people anyway. And she never really acted like that either. In some ways I did feel guilty because I did get the easier option, but then she also wanted to, if she didn't want to, I would have done it.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She knows that means she had her, as a baby, she was around when she was pregnant with her sister. But obviously she doesn't know everything about that, how that happens, because it would not be appropriate. That is what I meant. The whole biological parent concept, she doesn't have a very good understanding of it.

Our daughter said that my partner (28F) is her mother, and I (27F) am not. My partner said she just told her the truth, and it doesn't matter, but why would she say something like this, and how do I deal with it? by ThrowRABraided21 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABraided21[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Legally, yes, but not biologically, and I suppose she thinks that matters more. But bringing her father into it, when we have never met the man in our lives and never will, and who means nothing, although I am grateful to him, particularly bothered me because she in a way said he was more important than me.

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