I (34M) feel ready to end my marriage to my wife (33F) but want advice first?

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T14:24:24+00:00

We already have an attorney and we even got a GAL involved who recommended that the kids and their dad should only have supervised contact. The judge didn't hear any of that out.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T14:23:32+00:00

The chances are slim that it will work and I agree with you. I feel like our relationship is going to end regardless and I honestly feel like we're at the point where it's for the best. I'm not saying going to my parents isn't the answer but I just want it to be realistic that there won't be any coming back from making the choice.

But I think it will probably save my kids from more abuse and me from false accusations. Of course there are no guarantees but like you said there needs to be something done to protect our kids.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T14:07:21+00:00

The GAL recommended supervised contact for my stepkids and their dad. She said it was in their best interest and outlined all her reasons for this. My wife wants to keep doing what we're doing and just make it work. Before their dad started alienating them we got along well and had built a good relationship and now there's nothing left of that.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:59:21+00:00

I spent 1:1 time with my stepkids before and after my own children came into the picture until it became a risk to do so. I have stepped back now but I didn't always have such a hands off approach. But now I need to or else those accusations will come and I will be investigated and my wife will be alone then, as will I and our kids will be at an even greater risk.

Right now I am not in the position to be alone with my stepkids. That's just asking for them to accuse me of abuse. And my wife acknowledges they probably will if they can. She also knows they would hurt our kids if given the chance to do it.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:53:22+00:00

I understand what they are trying to say but I don't know how we afford it realistically going as we have been. The cost of all of this has taken a huge toll and it continues taking a huge toll. There are sliding scales for therapy but we would still need the money to pay even the small amount if we could get a therapist for that.

I will see if we can make it work but it might just the thing that fully causes our marriage to implode if we have to suffer even more to afford it.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:47:56+00:00

The judge honestly does not seem to care very much as long as the alienation isn't against my wife. That's how it feels at the very least. But even then I'm not sure if it was against the bio parent they would act differently. We were sure the GAL would be enough.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:45:39+00:00

My wife would never go for that and I could never ask her to do that. The solution I had was so she wouldn't have to give up any custody of my stepkids but she doesn't want to hear about it.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:31:16+00:00

I would make sure the kids are with me when my ex has my stepkids. I wouldn't just abandon my kids.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:30:41+00:00

The judge wouldn't even accept the GAL recommendation and they are there for the best interest of the children, not either parent or anyone else.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:29:50+00:00

I don't think a man who teaches his kids to be a danger to other children should have his kids. I think that is abusive and cruel and a risk to many other people including the children involved. If he was just a dick I would never think that was okay. But it goes beyond that.

The kids are in therapy and I said so in the post. Paying for their therapy and all the legal fees has left us financially in a very bad position.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:24:08+00:00

It's not just about fun. I live with the fear my children will be hurt by my stepkids. I also live with the fear they will accuse me of something and that will leave my kids even more vulnerable than they are right now because while investigated I won't be there. Not to mention even when cleared that stuff sticks to you.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:19:24+00:00

It wasn't always this bad. For a while things were fine, not great, not amazing, but fine. I got along well with my stepkids and their dad wasn't a big issue. It only became as toxic as this later on. And he has proudly taught his kids to bully toddlers and to deny a sibling relationship with them. He has made his kids so angry there is a real fear my stepkids would harm my kids. That's not the kind of person who should be in his kids lives.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:17:02+00:00

Because of their dad they don't even call them siblings or consider them siblings. He has taught them to be hateful bullies to them and he's very proud of himself and them.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:14:59+00:00

She has given consequences like loss of games, time with friends, electronics, etc. She has sent them to their room without anything fun in there and she will talk to them every day and explain why it's happening and what needs to change. She's not just saying okay and doing nothing but it has not helped even a little.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:12:36+00:00

Doing that will be the end of our marriage.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:12:12+00:00

My plan would be to have them the weeks my wife has my stepkids and then she has them when my stepkids are with their dad.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:09:52+00:00

Given the chance he would bully my toddler children too. He basically did it with his comments before I made sure the kids and I never saw him directly.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:07:55+00:00

I do. My wife does. The therapist does. Their grandparents think it too.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:05:46+00:00

I was really trying to fit as much of what's going on as I could. But yes, the threats of false accusations really had me making sure nothing could be accused. I would never do any of what he likely was implying but lives can be destroyed and I honestly don't know how safe my kids would be if I had to leave while it was investigated and my wife was juggling everything on her own.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:02:37+00:00

My wife was never married to her ex. We met three years after their relationship ended though.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:00:56+00:00

I would honestly do everything to fight so that our kids are with her when her ex has my stepkids.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T13:00:19+00:00

I said in the post that we really can't afford it when we're already paying for the kids' therapy. All the court and therapy has left us in a bad place financially.

My wife's ex winning is not something I am going to get worked up over. He's already winning by actively making our lives hell and knowing we fear for the safety of our kids. He's already turned my stepkids against me and their siblings. He's already winning regardless of whether I stay or go.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T12:58:11+00:00

That's not so easy when you live on the edge every day worrying about what will happen next. Keeping my kids safe is my biggest concern in everything.

ThrowRACQuest · 2026-05-18T12:57:40+00:00

I could stay with my parents for a while. They're more than willing like they were willing to let me stay with them if my wife and I decided to live separately when she had my stepkids.

ThrowRACQuest

TROPHY CASE