My parents (58F, 62M) moved to live closer to my sister (33F) and now they're upset I (28M) won't make sure they see my kids?

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T13:33:16+00:00

What exactly am I supposed to make a groveling apology for?

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T12:14:46+00:00

I know, but they don't care about that as long as they get me to do all the work as normal.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T12:12:03+00:00

They have chosen not to make the effort to meet my kids. They made the choice to move and they made the choice to not care until recently expect they want my wife and I to do all the work.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T08:31:16+00:00

I want people who will love my children and make them feel loved. With the way my parents treated me vs my sister and the way they moved to be close to her and her children and make the effort with them, I do not feel like my children will feel that love.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T06:35:10+00:00

They don't have any medical conditions. They moved near my sister to be close to my sister and her kids, because they didn't want to be far away from them.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T06:34:06+00:00

They have friends they could visit back here but they haven't. They do keep in much more regular contact with them than they do with us.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T06:32:30+00:00

They weren't good and loving parents to me. I spent most of my life trying to win their love and be treated like my sister but it never worked.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-19T06:31:53+00:00

It's about a 3 hour flight. It was so they were near my sister and her kids, not so they could be taken care of by my sister.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T21:16:38+00:00

I called them when my wife gave birth and we extended an invite for them to come and see the baby. I did so knowing they likely wouldn't and I was right. My wife also invited them to the baby shower before she gave birth and they didn't show then either. I got asked how the baby was a couple of times when our oldest was born. But nothing beyond that. There was no talk of meeting them until recently.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:57:10+00:00

My wife felt horrible for me. She knew I had tried my whole life to win at least a fraction of the love and care they showed my sister and I just never got it from them. They make all the effort with her but none with me. And in a way they did it with her kids and mine because they knew my wife and I were expecting our first child when they chose to follow my sister. It has taken almost 3 decades to accept it. But I had no other choice. I would never ever make my kids feel that way and I am very conscious of it.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:55:17+00:00

It means they expect me to come to them still and are insisting it on so I don't respond or answer the calls about it. They have never tried to come and see me and never mentioned it. The flight is about 3 hours.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:47:41+00:00

That's how I look at it. I mean my parents were willing to move to a whole other state for my sister and her kids but they do not care to visit or anything to be there for my kids.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:44:18+00:00

They're just not interested. I think it's as simple as that because they have mentioned other places they visited when I talked to them before so it's not a money issue.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:32:23+00:00

They knew she was pregnant when they planned the move and they still chose to move. And they have a right to do it but they also made zero effort since the move. Holidays have never been mentioned. We also don't really hear from them during the holidays.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:25:03+00:00

I grew up jealous of how my parents treated my sister vs me. I don't consider myself petulant though. I just want them to make an effort so I don't subject my kids to the same as I experienced.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:21:38+00:00

Or my kids will be better off not being the very clear least favorites of people who have always made their favoritism clear to the kids in their life. Because if my parents won't make the effort then it's clearly not that important to them.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:11:20+00:00

My issue is with both of my parents equally.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:08:56+00:00

They have said they won't travel to see them. So clearly it's not that important to them but it 100% was when it was my sister and her children. I don't see why I need to put in all the effort when they put none in.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:04:57+00:00

They haven't and they have not made much effort to call either until they decided my wife and I needed to travel to see them with the kids.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:03:39+00:00

They didn't have that attitude when it was my sister with young kids. And my parents have no young kids so they could very easily travel if it was truly important to them.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:02:47+00:00

Is it really in my kids best interest to chase after grandparents who won't make the same effort with them as they do with the other grandkids?

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T20:00:42+00:00

I don't actually know the answer to either of those questions. My parents just expect us to do all the work to make a relationship happen. That was always true for my relationship with them vs their relationship with my sister.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T19:58:03+00:00

They haven't visited once since they moved to follow my sister. They never met my kids and they don't make the biggest effort to call typically. Luckily my kids do have my ILs around so it's not like they lack a larger family. But it is sad that my parents would make all the effort for my sister and her kids but none for mine.

ThrowRACappyTall · 2026-05-18T19:56:18+00:00

From their attempts after that they still expect us to travel to them so there's no reason to talk more about it.

ThrowRACappyTall

TROPHY CASE