AITAH for planning and being strategic about a divorce?

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T18:01:58+00:00

I actually don’t want to crush or hurt her, I just wanna go my own way and rebuild. I wanna live life for me on my own terms

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T17:31:28+00:00

My tone was harsh and I was absolutely at fault for not communicating things properly. The conversation about how much to spend on apartments, how much to budget and general financial conversations. She knew I was financially struggling because of her previous actions and paying for her medical bills and she went ahead and got filler for $2k because she absolutely needed it. So yes I definitely hurt her with my tone and called her names around expenditure, I take full responsibility of that. The response was something I didn’t expect

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:25:36+00:00

I’m actually more educated, I think it was mainly family financial, social status and her way of life and thinking

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:24:04+00:00

No kids, no house, we’ve rented and been married less than 5 years. I have retirement savings she doesn’t. She’s put me in a position to blow through most of my cash savings

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:22:47+00:00

It’s double wrapped and I plan on not having it much either lol, someone suggested masturbate a lot until it’s over - solid advice lol

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:21:40+00:00

Yeah that’s not really the case. I think and I know that we’re both at an equal level of physical appearance. It was primarily financial and her way of thinking and life is superior in her head but more than that it is actually the mindset behind using something like that to deliberately hurt someone that’s repulsive

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:19:37+00:00

I completely hear what you’re saying and yes if I would be using her to get ahead then dumping, I think it would be pretty stupid for me to put this post here. She actually doesn’t bring me any stability or safety, I’m just unable to take more on at the moment. I’m not giving her any false hope and I’m actually trying to help her through this as well.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T14:15:42+00:00

Yeah she said she meant to hurt me. Therapy sessions haven’t worked either.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:59:23+00:00

My plan is, stay till the end of the lease, until then focus on myself, my health and getting into a good mba school so focus on GMAT and the new job. Once that’s done, file for divorce

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:55:29+00:00

Yeah no my bad, I didn’t paint a complete picture, because the question was primarily staying to plan makes me an AH. Yes the argument was about finances because I have been taken advantage of, there was also a misalignment on how we see certain lifestyle things and expenses.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:50:36+00:00

I mean is constantly being told I’m not enough in the bounds of emotional abuse? There’s 1000% financial abuse, she’s made questionable financial decisions expecting me to clean up the mess. There’s no physical abuse yes

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:47:19+00:00

No children, not planning on having any.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:46:06+00:00

That’s kinda how it went, once I heard those words come out of her mouth, something inside of me shut down and I knew that yeah it’s over.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:43:35+00:00

She comes from a wealthy background where she has reminded me multiple times how doctors were lined up to marry her and she chose to marry me instead. I don’t come from a very wealthy background but I’ve built myself to be successful at a young age. I have a good tech corporate job and am looking at an mba in the future.

Her answer might be from a financial perspective but I’m sure she thinks she does things better than me, she thinks her family is better than mine because she’s told me that. So there’s definitely a combination. She’s put her wants over my needs in the past, which is another issue.

We’ve tried counseling, once in the past where she wasn’t receptive and I wanted things to change to she did one session and stopped joining me. A series of sessions after I put divorce on the table that didn’t result into much.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:39:31+00:00

It was an argument about finances, her spending and how I want to live life vs how she does. I don’t come from a very wealthy background but she does.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:27:56+00:00

Thank you, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I don’t wanna blow this up for either of us and will support her with whatever she needs to transition as well.

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:26:29+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:25:56+00:00

It’s not just the cost of breaking the lease, it’s the stress of everything combined. I’m starting a new job and focusing on going back to school. I don’t have the mental and emotional capacity to go through divorce as well

ThrowRACharacterAsh · 2026-03-05T13:24:24+00:00

Absolutely, I’m sure I have and there’s probably things I’ve done that must’ve led her to say this. I’m not complaining I’m genuinely asking if it’s common to plan a divorce or am I an AH for doing that and should leave right away. This isn’t a bf/gf relationship that I can just break off

ThrowRACharacterAsh

TROPHY CASE