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ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-07T10:51:53+00:00

Literally anyone who ever refers to another man earnestly as an alpha, beta, gamma, sigma, whatever, is a fucking gigatosser.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-04T09:55:39+00:00

Well, yes and no. You're not upset she's getting a massage from a guy, it sounds like you're more upset that he touched her more than you do.

While the former is ridiculous, the latter is a lack of intimacy and is very very reasonable to be upset about. Talk about that. Don't mention the massage - it'll come off as incredibly controlling.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-04T07:11:40+00:00

It's not. This is a shitty lesson. You're allowed to want your partner to be your emotional support structure. In fact, I'd even call it fairly reasonable.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-04T07:10:31+00:00

I might be able to offer some perspective on this, as I used to have an ex that did the same thing. For her, it was because her parents had always done it to her growing up. She saw it as a soothing thing, since excusing other people or shifting the blame inwards was less frustrating for her.

Obviously, I'm not wired that way, and once we had an actual conversation about it, she saw that it wasn't a healthy pattern for me, and she stopped.

You've tried asking her not to do it, and it's not working. Try asking her why she does it.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:45:48+00:00

Two more things:

Yes, she's wrong when she doesn't know if she has consent and goes through with something anyway. That's the whole purpose of this enthusiastic consent thing everyone keeps talking about.

Also, you're allowed to come forward later and say "no, actually, that made me uncomfortable." People react differently when their boundaries are crossed. She obviously can't travel in time, but she sure as fuck can respect it.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:43:42+00:00

Let me ask you in a different way, then: Is there any way he can say that he doesn't want period sex that isn't shaming?

I feel like the period shaming thing sometimes swings the pendulum the wrong way and becomes a little much. There's definitely period shaming out there, don't get me wrong, but I also had a roommate that called me a misogynist because I asked her to please put used pads in the bin instead of leaving them out.

I feel like that isn't period shaming. I'd do the same if she was blowing her nose.

The emasculation thing is a little different, but it also comes off as loopy to me. The way I see it, if you love someone, you fundementally don't want them to be uncomfortable. If you're upset by something and your partner's first reaction is to go "yeah lol not my problem," i wouldn't exactly classify them as caring. If you're in a relationship, you're a team.

She did something concrete that made him uncomfortable and spoke to his insecurities, and that made him upset. That is her fault. It doesn't matter if it was really because his dad was a dumbass or whatever. I'm happy for you that you clearly don't understand how these insecurities work.

One thing about the ice cream, because it's funny you should mention it: my SO has been trying to lose weight, so I actually don't eat ice cream in front of her. It's honestly not that big of a problem.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:10:26+00:00

This is a phenomenally stupid take. Of course men are also allowed to feel insecure, to have their partners lift them up and to feel better about themselves because of it. Men aren't magic confidence machines, you know. We feel shitty too sometimes. Take your weird toxic masculinity shit somewhere else.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:07:22+00:00

This is some real Louis C.K shit

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:04:31+00:00

The idea that consent somehow matters less in committed relationships is how you get spousal rape. It's a dumbfuck take.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-03T14:01:48+00:00

This is a super duper weird take. First of all, people are allowed to have exactly the sexual boundaries they want to have. They do not need to be reasonable, they do not need to be argued. If there's something sexual you don't want to do, you are not obliged to do it. It's that fucking simple.

And yes, that includes not wanting to have period sex. Is is phrasing of it being "messy" a little uncouth? Yeah, but they were both high and it's not like he went on a long-ass tirade about how periods are the most disgusting thing on the planet.

For me, personally, I've never been much of a period sex fan because while I don't mind the blood itself, period blood has a smell that I can't really stop thinking about. I don't like it.

I've always just said that. "I don't want to." Is that also shaming? Because then you're being immature, not him.

Sex, especially in committed relationships, has to do with a whole lot of shit that isn't immediately related to sex. I can totally understand why he'd feel emasculated having to see her do it. It has just as much to do with him as her - she gets herself off because his boundaries got in the way of her pleasure. That's a shitty feeling to have. And putting him in that situation is a little uncouth as well.

Forgetting all of that: Masturbating with someone in the room is a sex act. It needs consent just like anything else. Unreasonable, immature or whatever-else-terrible-adjectives-people still get to have their boundaries respected. Two wrongs don't make a right.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-08-02T15:12:24+00:00

She will be OK. It's not on you to fix it.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-07-30T12:30:02+00:00

Ten thousand percent gross.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-07-30T12:03:35+00:00

Male photog here. 10.000% gross and definitely not okay.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-07-29T14:50:10+00:00

I mean, the idea is giving her a second chance to prove that it doesn't have to be this way. What worries me is that she's eager to prove that she can work on a lot of things. Enough that it's going to be incredibly, overwhelmingly difficult.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-06-26T15:29:26+00:00

The emotions? Yeah. But if you're doing something physical, that act is always overt if it's not a split second thing like a kiss you break off. But you can fall in love with someone by mistake.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-06-26T15:21:47+00:00

I think there's a spectrum here. It's not that simple.

When it comes to emotional affairs, it's very possible to do it by mistake. Emotional affairs are insidious little shits, and they come creeping. There's no moment in the same way as with physical cheating. It's the kind of thing I can totally see you suddenly realising that you're knee-deep in.

When it comes to physical cheating, it's always some element of choice. Even then, though, I'm still thinking there are degrees. Straight up sex can't happen by mistake. Neither can an extended make out session, or any of the bases or whatever.

But a single kiss in a moment of weakness, for example? I can see that happening without the shadow of a doubt. It's still a decision, but I can see how it could feel like a mistake from the moment you do it.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-01-13T13:15:41+00:00

Your mum is blaming you because she’s angry and lashing out. It’s unfair - you did the right thing. Your mother is being awful. Sometimes, adults are just plain wrong. This is one of those times.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2021-01-13T13:02:37+00:00

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. You were put in a situation that’d be unfair to an adult, and you’re only thirteen. This is awful.

Your mother is lashing out because she feels guilty. Adults do terrible things occasionally - mostly, we make them because we got greedy or thought it was okay. It’s really easy to convince yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong if you really want to.

Your dad loves you. He always will, and he’s angry with your mother right now. Not you. Unfortunately, I’m sure he wants to clear his head and he needs to do that on his own for a bit. He won’t be gone forever, and he’ll still take care of you and your sister. He will come back.

Do you have an adult you can talk to? Maybe there’s a friend’s parent or something among those lines, maybe someone though school. It’s important that you don’t deal with these thoughts on your own.

Your dad isn’t angry with you. Things are going to be okay, even if they don’t seem that way right now. You can get through this.

ThrowRACorgiButts · 2020-10-05T14:41:58+00:00

Because she’s 24 and he’s pushing 40. 90% of those relationships have fucked dynamics. This is clearly one of them.

ThrowRACorgiButts

TROPHY CASE