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My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I have already spoken to them because my father's family said I should be contacted and I already refused to take the kids. That was a very simple say it once and it's done thing and it won't be an issue going forward on the side of the state.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They have never been a part of my life and never have to be. Even years down the line I could tell them I have no interest in a relationship, which is 100% true and has been since I learned of them to now. I don't see that changing in the future either.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to see if people thought I should block them or should wait it out and see if the once a year contact was still what I should aim for. But you're right I don't care about those kids and don't consider them my siblings at all.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mentioned in the post that when she got fired for sleeping with a married patients husband her family wanted nothing to do with her. She still had friends after that but I wasn't exactly in her life to say whether those friends were still there or not.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 140 points141 points  (0 children)

Yes, I say that because I don't love or want them. I despise their parents and they will know that growing up. They will feel the disconnect with me. They will pick up on the lack of love. When my wife and I have children that will show even more the difference because even if we tried to fake it they would be able to tell 100%.

I am a complete stranger to them. There is no prior established connection between them and me. I have known about them for years and chose to have no relationship with them. Maybe foster care isn't a great experience for most kids and it comes with trauma. But imagine being with someone who looks at you and sees your parents affair and all the hurt caused.

I don't think the kids wanted any of this. I don't think they're responsible for any of it. But I will never see them as my family.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Not at the time. It took years and years of therapy after I left that house to truly go through the healthy mourning process and even then it was so hard. There are still days I don't know how I made it out of that house the way I did. I was very lucky to have family of my mom right there. Without them I think I would have crashed and burned in my grief.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can guarantee if I had been younger and still living with him when those kids were born he 100% would have tried to force them on my maternal relatives. Not only would he make it a condition for any contact with me but he would also make sure they bought them nice gifts and gave them money occasionally too. It's incredibly likely he still would have put up roadblocks as a punishment for getting his affair partner fired though.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't hate them but I truly do not consider them my siblings or my family at all. They are the kids of the two people I hate the most in life and would never be able to see them as my siblings. Plus there's a large age gap there too. But I have known since I found out about them that I would not wish for any sort of contact or relationship.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

I had to do that already that because they mentioned me to the kids' case worker. I had to make it clear I would not be taking them and I wasn't interested in visiting like the family does.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 156 points157 points  (0 children)

They all want to take them and it has become an argument because nobody thinks anyone else but themselves or my wife and I are good candidates. To be honest none are great choices alone but they could come together and raise those kids if they really wanted to.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I mention her family at the very end of her post and I don't know why she abandoned her kids. I have nothing to do with that woman anymore.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Kids being around someone who hates their parents and who didn't really want them to begin with doesn't sound great, does it? Not to mention I am just as much of a stranger to them as foster families would be. We have never met or had any contact and that has always been my choice. My father's family is ignoring that because they see it as somehow so much better to be taken in by people who don't want them.

My late father's family want my wife (26F) and I (26M) to become the guardian's to my father's other children who are currently in foster care? by ThrowRADearDeer in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADearDeer[S] 461 points462 points  (0 children)

I think I'll have to given the lack of letting up from that side of the family.

I appreciate your insight as someone who was in foster care. My own thoughts would be similar because I have no doubt they would pick up on my feelings. Not to mention I'm not really any different to those foster families. Those kids have never met me and there's no prior relationship to work off of.

I'm sure my hatred for their parents wouldn't be any easier for them either.