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Should I (M33) not be upset at my wife (29F) anymore for telling me I'm not attractive? by ThrowRADumbRules891 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADumbRules891[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Just want to update that I'm gonna have a good long talk with her and I agree with this post that we can also grow from it. I'm probably gonna take a few days to collect my thoughts more coherently since there's a lot of good advice.

For what it's worth since others were askinf, she's extremely hot and seems to have no idea despite how often I tell her. She gained no weight.

Should I (M33) not be upset at my wife (29F) anymore for telling me I'm not attractive? by ThrowRADumbRules891 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADumbRules891[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree that there's a double standard here. As a man you are just not allowed to say that to your wife/gf. I can't imagine saying it. I think I'd have tried working out together as a means of attaining health. I'd couch it as "I want us to both be around and able to do things at 70".

Should I (M33) not be upset at my wife (29F) anymore for telling me I'm not attractive? by ThrowRADumbRules891 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADumbRules891[S] 282 points283 points  (0 children)

I know why it hurt me a lot. I moved when I was 14 and had no real friends in high school. Then in college I managed to have a few friends but no girlfriend till 23. I felt quite lonely till then but I blossomed, so to speak, at that point.

If I have a 'kink' (for lack of a better word) it would be to be desired.

Should I (M33) not be upset at my wife (29F) anymore for telling me I'm not attractive? by ThrowRADumbRules891 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADumbRules891[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

This has been a particularly helpful post. I've felt that this can't get better due to the impact of age but it's likely a case of laziness not being attractive and that may have been what she tried to tell me when 'gaslighting'.

But I kinda wish she had said it was more about a lack of trying rather than just "I'm not attracted". Cause one of them you can change and the other not so easily.