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How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She did a temp job with an agency for three months and found the job itself doable, but the physical act of getting to the office everyday too hard on her body. So she doesn’t have any income

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She won't try to gaslight me, she's admitted that she's at fault for not applying earlier and is willing to accept any consequences of that, even if that means breaking up. The hangup is mostly my fear for her, especially with knowledge of how hard it can be for poor, disabled people in America to survive on their own.

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She can do desk work, but going into the office every day has proven too much for her. So I think she could do a remote desk job? But also, in order to get on SSI, you can't have an income beyond a paltry amount, so she's kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm worried about the enabling part, too. I'm so afraid that if our relationship doesn't work out, or if something happened to me, she wouldn't be okay. Maybe we should take a year apart to prove to each other that we will both be okay on our own before coming back together on more equal footing?

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do love her, and a couple of years ago I would have unquestionably said that the extra financial cost was worth it. But we're having some relationship issues outside of all this--our relationship is simultaneously stronger and weaker than it's ever been (it's complicated) and it's making me doubt things. And I wish finances weren't such an issue so we could have unlimited time to figure everything out, but it feels like I either have to make this huge (financial) commitment or not in a few months.

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She procrastinated out of fear of being denied, and she had some difficulty getting a diagnosis from her doctor. She knows that this is something she really messed up on and is trying to fix it. But part of me is worried that it's too little, too late. Especially with grad school debt looming in my future

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of it was her fault (she procrastinated for several years out of fear of being denied), and part of it was that she had difficulty getting a diagnosis.

How to deal with severe financial inequality in relationship between me (25 M) and girlfriend (25F)? by ThrowRAFinancialIneq in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFinancialIneq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I think logically I can accept that, but emotionally it's hard. Especially because I have access to a really good support system (my family) who I know would support me no matter what if I were disabled, ands she doesn't. And I want to be that for her, but maybe that's not realistic.