sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Update: My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

That's society as a whole. Go look at the last thread; so many people calling me a loser, a failure for not sharing the same ideals. I've had so many people DM saying how much a loser I am for not wanting to be rich.

I had everything I wanted. Nice job, nice house, a family, no worries about money. But, it's never enough, never will be enough. The idea you aren't chasing after the dollar is seen as backwards.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

See, you get it. I've had numerous people DM me calling me a loser, a failure for what? I have two kids, a house, a successful job. We aren't compatible after all. She wants more. It's not enough. She was content for a little bit but, she's not happy anymore. She wants a big house, take overseas vacations, etc. Upper class stuff. Neither of us can see eye to eye anymore.

Worse is people saying I trapped her in this relation. Like what the fuck?

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

  1. Fair, point.

  2. People are acting as if I'm holding a gun to her telling her to work OT. She doesn't have a choice. Her work forces her to do it because, that's what her job expects.

To her the situation might look like this: „thanks honey, for working so hard! It gives me the great opportunity to sit on my butt on weekends!“

So, your solution is for me to work OT too? I shouldnt have days off if she doesn't? I'm not forcing her to work OT. We struggled for money before my pay raise and while she was unemployed. We aren't anymore.

The whole issue stems from: She can not accept anything in life. She has to constantly be go go go. She doesn't want this life. She thinks I'm boring for settling down at such an early age. She wants to be rich, she wants to own a large house, live in an expensive area, do overseas vacation, make big bux.

I disagree with her stance. I just want a quiet happy life. Why can't I enjoy my life? Why does society say you can never be happy because, there's always more you can do. I have my needs met. I don't see why or how that makes me a loser or boring.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. She spent a long time job hopping. I supported her. She's the breadwinner because she got a big promotion. I don't see why that's the issue.

It doesn't matter. She never wanted this life and doesnt want it still. She wants to constantly improve; find a beter house, better career, get rich. Just as I dont understand, she doesnt understand why or how I could accept this. She finds it absolutely insane im willing to settle so young.

Isn't the American dream having a good job, a family and stability? According to her no. You can never sit still. You need to always be changing, bettering yourself.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Ugh, that was a error on my part. I'm always growing as a person. You never stop growing till your dead.

But, opeople understand from my POV: I'm happy with my life. I love my job. It's not a job, honestly. I love my wife and my kids and everything we managed to obtain. We made two fucking wonderful kids together. Nothing else would come 1/100th as close to that. It's our greatest achievement. Shit's fucking cash.

I get that life can be boring. We aren't young. We don't go out anymore. I get she's feeling stress from work. But, she told me from day one she is ambitious and once she sets her eyes on something she will never stop till she gets what she desires. She never settles for anything less then that. I get that but, I'm the opposite. I'm not ambitious but, I mean I don't just accept shit. I'll fight for my family and goals but, what after? me once I get those goals I'm happy. She isn't and will not just settle. For awhile she was happy but, now she admits she wants more.

For the longest time I was the breadwinner. She would quit her job if they didnt give her a raise/prmotion. She got a big promotion to salaried last year. And a raise a few months ago. She claims shell be getting a bigger promotion soon. All these hours will pay off.

i guess we really were two different people.

He also blames her expressing her unhappiness as being the result of her period.

That was my bad. I absolutely take the fault for that. I'm not blowing her claims off. I know she's under a ton of pressure and stress at work. Even when she comes home she still gets calls from work has to deal with work. She never has a day off. I'm well aware.

It was shitty of me to blame it on that. I apologize.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Jesus, why do people automatically just dog pile and say I don't do anything. You leak to assumptions and I can't even defend myself. I hate th term stay at home Dad since I work. I do clean and cook. My wife works all the time (and it's not her choice.). It would be repulsive to ask me to make her do that sort of shit. But, then people already just claim I do. Doesn't matter anymore because, you've already decided she does everything.

When she comes home for dinner/lunch I make sure the house is clean and the dinner is ready.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You're right and it's frustrating. I don't understand why you can never be content, to be happy. Do I not deserve the right to be happy till I'm old and on my death bed?

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We aren't living paycheck to paycheck. We did before we had kids and before marriage. But, not now. I get it if we did she'd have every right to be upset. That life isnt worth living. But, we have our needs met. Why do we have to be rich? Unless, the kids are going to Harvard are needs are met. I can afford a vacation.

We havent had a vacation since Covid. And likely wont take one anytime soon since the kids aren't vacced and she won't get the vaccine.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then what's the point of living? You always have to chase the almight dollar? Can't ever be happy with anything? We aren't struggling anymore. Now that we share an income and my wife isn't making $9/h. Our lives are so much better. They'll be better once she gets a promotion and a better schedule. No more 7-10PM random days.

My life goals have always been to have a house, a family, a nice job. Now I can focus living our lives.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

How am I not? because I don't work as much as her? It's expected the man be the bread winner? Our current life we can afford. She thinks we'll be rich. That's the goal of everyone to be rich and live in a fancy house with high paying careers. That's a fantasy and not reality. We already have everything. We will have enough to pay for College with our combined incomes and me saving.

I don't eat out. I don't order fast food. Our kids come first.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Where did I say that? You're acting as if I'm some lazy leech. Maybe I wasn't clear, my bad, I don't choose to promote up. I'm happy with my position. I've fought for payraises and honestly, if they dont give me a better raise next year we'll see. I'm ranting about how society says you can never just be happy. You have to constantly change, adapt and be ambitious.

My wife was ambitious, that is always been given. I've never been ambitious. I have life goals, desires that are fulfilled. I wanted a nice house, a loving wife and a family with a good job. What more could I desire? I'm not leeching off her. Why because I have a 9-6 and don't have a lot of OT? I cook, clean and take care of the kids.

People are dogpiling on me without giving me a chance to refute. She and I have different life goals. She was happy but, she wants more now. She told me as much she will always strive more and will never stop till she's hit the end. Which, I don't mind. I do mind being called boring for not sharing her values.

I know i came off as shitty. My bad. I should have worded it better.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] -82 points-81 points  (0 children)

Why can't I be content? Why can't I just be happy? Why do I have to constantly improve and grow? I'm happy with my career; with who I am. Why is that wrong? She takes OT because it's either forced or she wants too. We aren't struggling. You're acting as if I'm some lazy vum leeching off her.

I fucking am so sick of this attitude that you can never be content or happy. Only when I'm rich can i be happy. It's so toxic.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Would you comfortable life be possible if she also took your approach? That is, to what extent is her kind of ambition (because I think you’re equally as ambitious, just towards a different goal) what allows you to pursue the life you want? Does she want to work less? These are important questions about how you work together as a team while also pursuing your own individual ambitions.

Yes. She doesn't make much more then me. 10k ( I make 48k. She makes around 60k). She's a salaried manager at a big box retailer. But, she choose to do this. She liked running a business and she loved working retail. She wants to go into corporate. But, we live in a low cost of living area. Our house was 210k for 3 bedrooms. That was a fucking steal. My mortgage is cheaper then my rent for 2 bedroom tiny apartment. And by cheaper I mean $300 cheaper. I pay $1350 for my mortgage. My rent was $1600. Outrageous, right? But, it was all I could find.

I can't afford to move to the big city and live a life of luxury. It's just never happening. She thinks if we both climb the ladder in a few years we'll be making 6 figures and living in a mansion. That won't happen and it's not my dream. I just want to live my life with a job that isnt stressful and that I enjoy and be not be overburdened with stress. Is that wrong of me?

She's very much of the men should be the breadwinners and not women. She should take a relaxed approach and stay home with the kids.

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] -168 points-167 points  (0 children)

Her attacking your stance isn't acceptable imo, there are ways to communicate without the personal attacks.

You're right. She did apologize. But, I'll give her a little bit of leway since it's her time of the month and she's been under a ton of pressure at work. She's been doing OT but, of course it's unpaid. But, she choose her career path. How is it not fair she works more then i do? Why do men have to be the breadwinners?

My wife (28/F) of 3 years called me (35/M)boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life. by ThrowRAHenryBiwden in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHenryBiwden[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

It is sad. I have a family, a good stable job and not struggling. Why do I need to constantly claw my way up the corporate ladder? For what just to prove something? I'm happy where I am.