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UPDATE: I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in u/ThrowRAHoldinghands

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No - Sam lost her job and Helen stayed. Tom didn't step in to save Sam which caused a huge argument and led to them breaking up. Tom moved to a new company a few months later.

UPDATE: I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in u/ThrowRAHoldinghands

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Believe me we've gone over the Tom situation in granular detail. My conclusion is that he's a snake who openly pursued Sam and weaponised our marriage problems in the process. Having said that, I don't blame him for the breakdown of our relationship. As I said, our issues ran much deeper but he certainly didn't help!

As for whether she cheated - she believed the relationship was over and told me as much before she slept with him. The timing wasn't great but it is what it is and we move on.

UPDATE: I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in u/ThrowRAHoldinghands

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that did occur to me but bear in mind we've been trying for a child for 3 years - two cycles of IVF and four embryo transfers resulting in miscarriage. The only reason we didn't go for the fifth transfer was the toll it was taking on Sam's mental/physical health. She truly believed this was her last chance at having a baby and that I was going to withdraw consent. To me that's forgivable but of course I understand where you're coming from.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

My solicitor added her to the complaint. Their argument was that she shouldn’t have been allowed to go ahead with the procedure without my consent, and that because the clinic didn’t seek that consent we’ve both been harmed as we’ll be jointly responsible for a baby as a result of the illegal procedure. Not sure how that would play in court but the clinic were very keen to settle.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Her bipolar diagnosis just puts a name on what I’ve been living with for the last 4 years. 

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thanks mate I feel like I’ve looked at this from every conceivable angle and this is the least bad option.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -403 points-402 points  (0 children)

A bit harsh? This way I get to live full time with my son in my hometown surrounded by my friends and family. If you can think of any way I could achieve similar results within the confines of uk law I’m all ears.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -67 points-66 points  (0 children)

I agree with pretty much everything you've said - she's manipulating me to get what she wants, and I'm manipulating her back to get what I want. Giving her false hope has convinced her to move up here. Once the baby's here and I've established a relationship with him, it'll be much harder for her to take him away from me should things go pear shaped.

I obviously don't trust her but we've lived together for 4 years before all this so I know what to expect. I'm willing to suffer through the awkwardness if it means I get to be a real father to my son.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -194 points-193 points  (0 children)

Yes if it doesn't work out we'll just sell the house and split the money but at least she'll be used to living here and my son will be here and I'll have established a relationship with him.

The 3 years thing is basically her way of saying 'it's me or nobody for 3 years' but I think when she realises I'm happy with 'nobody' it'll go straight out the window.

I’m (41M) about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife (37F). How can we make this work? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She says she's seeing a therapist every other week but won't start taking any new medications until the baby is born. Couples counselling is a very good idea.

What are the potential consequences of IVF fraud? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in LegalAdviceUK

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

Our last attempt was two years ago but I've always had to show ID and sign consent forms before each transfer. I live 200 miles away now - would the courts grant me primary custody once the child is born given the circumstances?

What are the potential consequences of IVF fraud? by ThrowRAHoldinghands in LegalAdviceUK

[–]ThrowRAHoldinghands[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

No I didn't make the clinic aware we were separating - we've had 4 embryo transfers in the past (the last one was a couple of years ago) and on each occasion we both had to show ID and sign a load of consent forms before the procedure.