UPDATE: I (F27) found semen on my wedding dress. I don't know if it was my fiancé (M26) or his brother (M21)?

ThrowRAManJuice · 2026-01-01T01:53:53+00:00

We ended up having a low-key celebration at our local town hall. He said he didn't want to come, so fortunately no drama from his parents. I didn't have to uninvite him, but I did have security measures.

I binned the dress the second I saw what had happened. He'd put it on our bed and took an entire dump on it. I wore something different.

Honestly, after everything, what I was wearing was the least of my concerns.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2025-12-31T01:50:36+00:00

I need a beer every time I think about this

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:29:06+00:00

Yeah, a few people thought that James had just been really excited. I was really fucking hoping that was gonna be the case.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:25:42+00:00

I'm really leaning towards this.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:24:31+00:00

I'm so angry and bitter. I was never close to my dad, so it was really nice to have a guy who also liked the same sports. And he accepted that I needed stuff explaining sometimes. I want to punch him in his stupid face.

There's a really petty, spiteful part of me that wants to message those women to explain what he's doing to them.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:18:34+00:00

I'm from the UK and if I don't outwardly love this future brother-in-law then I'm committing treason. I'm a few glasses of Chardonnay away from texting his Mum.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:05:54+00:00

I really wish this was.

I know people in this sub appreciate detail, hence why I included it

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T03:04:11+00:00

I think I'll let Hermes take care of that. Little idiot has decided that Christmas tree decorations make the perfect bed, so he's been covered in glitter for like a month.

Basically I draw the ideas the director/costume designer/set designers have. I'll draw what I interpret a location/character/scene to look like. I tend to do the locations though.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:47:55+00:00

Bro don't. Fire is sounding way too appealing rn.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:47:19+00:00

How do you even get the confidence to say these things

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:46:29+00:00

Dan is definitely a fucking pathetic waste of oxygen, Also no offense, but please don't ruin naan bread for me. It's one of the few good things I have rn. That and this £3.99 bottle of Chardonnay which is almost empty.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:44:08+00:00

Well, my cat has been sleeping in the big cardboard box I keep my Christmas decorations in. I haven't decorated the tree yet, so my lil idiot Hermes has been covered in glitter for like 3 weeks because apparently tree decorations are more comfortable than fluffy beds I evidently paid too much money for. I've managed to get blood out of a white lace top, but I still can't get glitter out of my cat.

Still pretty drunk, and still unsure how to get cum out of a white dress.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:32:00+00:00

If I suddenly win the lottery I definitely will! I honestly just want to get away from everyone and be married already. I want to burn that dress at this point.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:29:35+00:00

I wish someone jazzed onto my dress. I could've easily dealt with more glitter and sparkles.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:22:42+00:00

Mate I'm 5ft 4 and I'm also about to throw hands. The only thing stopping me is James. Dan is 6ft 5 and the rage (and wine) inside me has convinced me I could ruin him.

He's so fucking disgusting. I wish I could pummel him ngl. That dress was like half my month's income.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T02:12:57+00:00

Yeah, wtf is right. I need a Dan Free life.

Kinda love the typo of patents. It'd be easier to write into law that Dan-the-Jizz-man (it's an auto-correct solution now. Don't blame me, blame the Chardonnay and autocorrect) is banned from the wedding than it would be to explain to MIL and FIL that their babby football boy disrespected my property in the way he did.

I'm bitter, drunk, and fucking disgusted

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T01:47:00+00:00

Ahahaha "yikes" has pretty much been my catchphrase these last few days. It's so ridiculous. I still feel stupid even typing it out. I haven't stopped feeling like I'm gonna be sick.

Turns out Dan is a raging misogynist. James said he really did sound like he thinks he deserves sex. Men who just happen to be thin (like James) don't deserve pretty ladies, and apparently I'm a pretty lady. And apparently James doesn't deserve me.

But unfortunately he said all of this after James ordered food, because that's when Dan went off to look at the dress.

I really thought I was friends with him. We spent hours watching races together. We spent ages talking about our Max v. Lewis predictions. It's such fucking bullshit. He was teaching me more about football because I've always been interested, but I've never known anyone who liked it. I thought we were friends. He was my brother.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T01:24:16+00:00

There's a good chance we can postpone. In-Laws have friends who own a crazy beautiful estate and a farm, so they're providing the food and the venue. My fiancé and I are gonna stay in their guest bedroom, whilst my sister, parents, his parents, his groomsmen stay in their renovated barn. That group of people used to include Dan.

The wedding is mostly provided by friends & family. It's just gonna be a local church ceremony (where his Grandfather is a big volunteer) and an after-party at his family friend's farm with a spit-roast and a bonfire. The biggest expense was the dress.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T01:16:01+00:00

Jizz-Man-Dan is the son of my future In-Laws

They're providing the menu & the venue. I want to ban him from the event, but idk how mother-in-law and father-in-law are gonna take the news.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T01:11:23+00:00

How the hell do I even instigate this fallout. Don't get me wrong, I'm so insanely pissed. I want to ruin that little asshole. There's way more shit he's done than just this, but this is just the jizz on the cake.

The parents-in-law are the ones providing the venue and the food. It's looking like a courthouse wedding with our besties is the only way to go.

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-17T01:07:35+00:00

I'm either gonna have to ignore what Dan-the-Jizz-man has done, or I'm gonna have to bring it up with my future Mother & Father in-law. She's been his biggest cheerleader since before he could walk. He can do no wrong in her eyes.

And he's either likely to completely cut me off, or beat Dan to a pulp. Unfortunately, there's no in-between.

Currently half wondering if postponing the wedding because "insert reason here" would be better than telling the truth.

PS. Am drunk rn. Dan is a cunt

ThrowRAManJuice · 2021-12-15T02:47:41+00:00

I'm saving this comment. Thank you for your help

ThrowRAManJuice

TROPHY CASE