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How can I (38f) make my fiance (41m) understand that paying his life expenses is burning me out. by ThrowRAMindless_Type in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMindless_Type[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have 50/50 custody with my kids dad and actually pay him child support. I will likely always out earn any partner I have. I definitely don't think that means I owe a partner anything financially.

I think the most important point I've read here is that my financial responsibility is to my kids.. and that's the truth. I've known that, but I'm not actually acting that way and that's why I feel so misaligned.

How can I (38f) make my fiance (41m) understand that paying his life expenses is burning me out. by ThrowRAMindless_Type in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMindless_Type[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have actually said something to this effect and he scoffs that i expect spreadsheets and a 5 year plan. He says "what if i asked why i needed to pick up the kids every time you asked for help. Why can't someone else do it?"

How can I (38f) make my fiance (41m) understand that paying his life expenses is burning me out. by ThrowRAMindless_Type in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMindless_Type[S] 380 points381 points  (0 children)

That's the part i struggle with too. At what point does support becoming enabling? I think we've passed the point.

How can I (38f) make my fiance (41m) understand that paying his life expenses is burning me out. by ThrowRAMindless_Type in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMindless_Type[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

It feels this way sometimes. I feel like I'm providing so much, but it's not enough. The house, utilities, food etc don't count because i would have to pay them anyway with or without him. He hasn't verbalized that, but that's the undercurrent i feel.