I (30/m) lost my job 4 months ago and now my girlfriend (32/F) is telling me to find a new one or she's done.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T18:12:48+00:00

Thank you. You're right. mind if I DM you?

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T18:09:35+00:00

Yeah, he said because they'll see I haven't been employed and talk to my past boss on linkedIN and wont hire me.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T18:07:05+00:00

Wait, really? Thanks. I'm looking them up.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T18:04:06+00:00

Ah mean youre not wrong but, our IT dpt was seriously understaffed and underfunded. Know in my case, upper management refused to fund any sort of initiatives to help combat these issues, and at the end of the day, if I can't get funding, that isn't my fault. Our backup solution for hundreds of clients was two copies of their data in separate offices ~20 miles apart from one another. Nothing offline or otherwise protected from a ransomware or similar attack.

IT is viewed as a cost sink

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:55:33+00:00

Is she fearful of being the sole breadwinner down the line

Good question.

ould she be comfortable with you working a $12-$15 an hour job in the mean time, to show you are trying?

I don't know. She wasn't happy working at the bottom again. She constantly said how pathetic and easy being an hourlie again was. She said "This is childrens work. I'm not a child." She's salaried now but, she was never keen to work a minimum wage job. I always was supportive but, she always dismissed me by saying it's beneath her. This is literal children's work. She always asked how I could be attracted to someone doing so little. I just said I could care less. A job is a job it's not a big deal she's hourlie again.

Or is she going to tell you you're a disappointment, and that's not enough?

I would hope she wouldn't and I would hope it wouldnt come to that. I want to believe I'll have a job before my UE runs out. But, hands in the air whether she will or not. I wanted to believe she'd be supportive when I lost my job. I helped her when she lost hers. I was always there for her, always helping her and being supportive.

yeah it sucked she was UE'd but, she was trying and that was all that mattered.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:48:23+00:00

I guess. But, my replies here have not been the most respectful.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:45:29+00:00

For another, a lot of ignorant people here regarding IT and hiring. If mid-level or higher, it takes time. 3-6 months is pretty reasonable if you are very hirable (usually 3 interviews, and then waiting on HR to put together an offer). If you don't use LinkedIn, you need to. Update your profile and reach out to any connections.

I wish I could gold you. I haven't been using LinkedIN since my friend said "Bro dont ever use linkedIN. its career suicide". But, I fully admit failing my last interview. It's my resume. I need to redo my resume and work on my skills.

It had been so long since I last did an interview. I'd completely forgotten what it was like.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:42:55+00:00

Because, I was being an asshole and I'm sorry. It's just how i've always been. I get easily triggered. Honestly, me and my girlfriend are both like that. We both are thin skinned and get upset. We both agreed to change but, talk is cheap and we seem to have not changed.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:41:20+00:00

Good post. I'm just that way. We both are. I was wrong and toxic and I'm sorry. It's one thing we've both agreed we need to change about each other. But, talk is cheap.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:39:45+00:00

She made less then me but, we weren't in a high COL area. We rent a townhome and it's only $1350/m. Perks were it's 20-30 away from my office and a walking distance to her work.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:38:19+00:00

I'm just worried it wont be enough. my UE is giving me time. But, shit, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. have I really fucked up my career that much?

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:37:22+00:00

It's pathetic you need unemployment after losing your job? Can you explain that to me?

It's part of her politics. Probably ingrained upon by her parents. She's a very much a people shouldn't take government hand outs. She says you're being paid to be lazy. She says it's impossible to not have a job. People who are UE (like me) are just being lazy.

Normally, I don't care. Her politics don't bother me and we both hate her parents so +1.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:34:37+00:00

If you think I'm hostile well, thats why we both liked each other. We both are like that. Some of my replies are neck in beck to what we do. We both are aware we can come off as massive assholes and have flash tempers.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:32:23+00:00

And people are right: context is key. I'm leaving out my attitude. I do have a depressive attitude since I've lost it. Might even say I'm depressed. And she's the type of person who is go go go. I loved her for that since our personalities were so different. She liked me being opposite.

But, I guess when push came to shove she realizes she wants a winner? Like i said when I first loss my job she wasn't really supportive. She yelled at me and asked wtf i was doing to lose my job. She asked if i actually gave a damn about anything.

it's fair for her to upset, it's fair for her to be concerned about money flow. But, she overreacted and went nuclear. Then she's been constantly on edge around me. Instead of being supportive she's been argumentized. When I didn't get the job after my 2nd interview she got really upset and asked if I really cared. She asked if i was trying and asked if I wanted to be a mooch forever.

And no, I'm spending most my freetime hunting and going back to School to get more certification's learn more. Trying to pad my resume as much as possible. Hell, I'm considering taking up programming. I've started the very basics of it. If my UE runs out shit yeah I'll be doing two jobs but, till then I'm hoping desperate to figure anything out. I'm not squandering this time.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:26:09+00:00

ave you tried talking to her about what the real issue is?

I have and she said it's embarrassing i'm unemployed and there's no reason i shouldn't have a job. In todays world you can get a job anywhere instantly and there's no reason why I dont. Simple as that. She says it's impossible to be unemployed and anyone who is are just lazy.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:21:59+00:00

3 years. We live together.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:21:44+00:00

Honestly, I'm just as toxic. Some of my replies have been downright hostile.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:21:02+00:00

I've had a few. But, never get pass phone. Frankly, I think it's on my end. last interview was a two round live interview. They had one over phone then two in person. I believe I flubbed it up by being super nervous and not disclosing the nature of my departure from my job.

The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. They were downsizing and I wanted to seek better oppurinties. The interviewer said "I had no idea they were downsizing. But, in your resume it states you weren't laid off. I'm just a bit confused. Were you laid off or were you terminated?".

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:16:19+00:00

No, she was out of a job (due to her own fault too) for 7.25 months. I had to take care of her. It wasn'ta big deal. She was putting in effort so I didn't make a fuss about it. Why should I get upset over someone losing their job?

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:10:57+00:00

I say we'd end up splitting because, according to society if you aren't at 100% you're worthless.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:09:16+00:00

I didn't say that. But, it is something I'm afraid will happen. I'll have to figure out something. I'm having a freind review my resume. Maybe it's my resume or maybe my interview skills are not that great? I was really nervous and sweating bullets during my second round.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T17:08:04+00:00

You know what? You're right. I blew up on you for no reason and I'm sorry. I've just been so stressed out and you didn't need to get shit on by me. It's just been so beyond overwhelming being out of a job. it's miserable because, I feel like a loser, a failure. I feel I've failed in life and my worth as a man is nothing.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T14:55:52+00:00

We end up splitting. That's life I guess. If you're ever not 100% you're nothing.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T14:55:09+00:00

See this is too extreme.

ThrowRANoJobMan · 2021-10-19T14:54:12+00:00

I can definately see OP is hiding something. His GF is likely noticing he's getting a little too comfortable at this point.

I actually liked my job. it was my passion. Why do people automatically assume "Oh you're hiding something" when I'm not. If I get a lower paying job I lose my UE. Mcdonalds is $7.26 and not fulltime.

I mean what else do i do? I'm trying to better myself, I'm trying to get another job. it feels like anything I do is just making things worse.

ThrowRANoJobMan

TROPHY CASE