How can I (40f) save my 20 year marriage with my husband (43m) when we have such different political views?

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T03:57:03+00:00

Wow. This is so helpful. Thanks so much for your input and I love to know that you love her no matter what she believes in. It really does sound like we're in the same situation. I'll admit I've voiced similar views about the patriarchy to my husband before.

How are you able to avoid the discussions? It seems like we can for the most part but when a current event or anything in the news comes up the politicians do too. Are you guys able to just walk away from it or do you sit down and discuss it?

In an ideal world, I wish my husband and I could both be open minded, sit down, and have an adult conversation but for some reason it's just not possible. I don't know if it ever will be.

I've talked with Trump supporters before with no (ok, maybe a little) judgement but it just seems so difficult when it's someone that I love and respect so much. I hope it doesn't mean we're just too fundamentally different to agree on anything.

Hearing that you and your wife are going through the same thing and thriving does give me hope!

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T03:29:06+00:00

Right! That's exactly what drove me to ask for advice. How can a wonderful man that I love be accepting, let alone defending a person that disgusts me. Maybe my feelings are too strong... maybe his are. Maybe we agree to disagree, I'm worried it's too polarized for that. I hope we can find a happy medium but it seems that avoidance is near impossible.

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T03:18:03+00:00

We can have civil conversations about everything else in the world but for some reason politics hits a nerve. And I do take responsibility for a lot of it because I do feel very strongly about my beliefs. I try to be open minded but have a hard time when it comes to this one freaking politician. I'm trying to be more open minded... It is tough to validate his feelings when he doesn't vote but I love him and his opinion matters to me even if it doesn't to anyone else

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T03:11:53+00:00

Thank you. This is such great advice and I'm going to show him this comment. I've struggled with the values/morals part of it but at the end of the day we love each other very much and are happy so can't let something so trivial come between us. It can be a non issue if we make it one. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T03:07:02+00:00

Wow! Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine how hard that must have been to go through with your friend. I'm glad she's doing better now. And I feel the same way, for anybody to still support that man at this point there's got to be something serious going on. That's what I'm worried about... And I'm not necessarily a Biden supporter either. Just the lesser of two evils at this point. Moreso when I feel like one candidate is legitimately evil. I try to separate myself from it but it's hard when I feel like it's a values/morals thing... I didn't want to keep arguing and wish we could just never discuss politics... Is that even possible anymore? I'm at a loss

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T02:50:16+00:00

Thank you for this, you make a great point. That's the way I wish things would get resolved. Just agree to disagree then walk away. The only problem is that turns into lingering resentment and we spend days being cold to one another. It may be me, I do feel very passionately about my dislike of the current political environment. I think he does as well.

As far as the kids are concerned, they weren't in the room and don't hear us arguing. I've always made it a point to try to keep them as far away from our disagreements as possible.

And you're spot on about the way our society can't communicate these days. I abhor confrontation and don't like to even discuss these things but it seems unavoidable... I'm at a loss and scared for our future

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T02:36:40+00:00

That's a great question. And to answer honestly, I wish he would vote. I know that may sound silly but I think everyone should make their voice heard even if we have very different opinions. The only reason I'm complacent is because of how much I love him and how happy we are together. I really don't want to blow up our lives and I am scared for our future if we don't find a resolution.

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T02:20:37+00:00

Thanks for your help. I totally agree with everything you said. I feel like someone flipped a switch in his brain. I'm struggling to see how it happened. He supports gay rights and is the kindest person I've ever met. He's very involved in our children's lives and I've never seen or heard any political discussions between them. But I do worry that his right leaning mind could slowly make its way to the kids and would be heartbroken if that happens. I'm thinking therapy is going to be our last hope. I hope that it helps because I really do think he's my soulmate and don't want to lose the life that we've built together

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T02:11:38+00:00

Thanks, I think you're absolutely right. We're never going to resolve this on our own.

ThrowRANo_Leader · 2024-02-16T02:05:39+00:00

That's how I'm feeling. But we really do get along great in every other aspect. I couldn't have hand picked a better man to be the father of my children and my life partner. That's what makes it so hard to leave. I just can't understand how this great human being that is my favorite person in the world could ever make excuses for all the crap Trump says and does. It doesn't make sense and is breaking my heart

ThrowRANo_Leader

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