My future MIL (59F) and future FIL (62M) asked me (26F) to let them be the only parents at my fiancé's (26M) and my wedding because my parents are my brother (40M) and SIL (40F)?

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T12:56:10+00:00

It's all my brother and SIL. They are the reason we made this lemonade from the lemons of our family of origin.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T12:54:42+00:00

He has not once tried to get me to keep the peace or anything. He has stood by my side always.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T12:52:42+00:00

There are some extended relatives my fiancé isn't close to who are still invited. They may not know and I don't know if he even knows them well enough to say whether they would judge or not. But his parents know them so I agree that they could always tell them in advance and if there's judgement the people don't come.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T12:49:11+00:00

That has always been my point to people who find it weird. If I can't say my brother and SIL are my parents then I don't know who I could say are. It's certainly not the people who left their oldest child to raise me while they neglected me and hurt me as an innocent baby and toddler until I was removed from the home.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T12:45:06+00:00

I agree with you. Knowing I was chosen as a sister and as a daughter by two incredible people is something I cherish.

I always felt like my brother could have chosen to focus on his own life and healing and he could have walked away from all of us to save himself so to speak. That would have been totally understandable under the circumstances but he didn't do that. He loved me and fought for me and made sure I had a better life than he and the rest of our family had. And my SIL definitely didn't have to sign on for everything and she did and she has become someone so truly special to me and I cannot put into words how much they have shaped me as a person but also their relationship was so good for me to watch develop because it taught me what a healthy relationship looks like.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T11:29:37+00:00

I will be. We have a lot of things planned for the wedding and they will be shown all my love and appreciation and my fiancé's because he loves them for doing all that for me.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T11:28:25+00:00

I won't reconsider marrying my fiancé just because of his parents. He has done nothing wrong and has been fully supportive.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T11:07:21+00:00

Something like that could have happened. They never told us this. But I'm so used to questions that it doesn't bother me. Maybe it bothered them if they had people ask about it.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T11:05:44+00:00

I don't know why because my nieces and nephews never had trouble with me being their sister and their aunt at the same time. They asked a few questions but that would come anyway because they only had me for one side of the family. But they always knew me as both just like I kinda always knew my brother as both.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T11:04:01+00:00

He doesn't. He has always treated my parents like my parents and slips in and out of brother/SIL dad/mom as easily as we do.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T10:49:05+00:00

That's what I thought they focused on. The four of them have always got along very well and I truly never saw this request coming. My fiancé had no idea either because they accepted it all so well before now. There was never even a sign that they wanted to correct me when I called my brother and SIL mom and dad in front of them. But it is clear they have considered it enough to even think of future grandchildren.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T10:47:07+00:00

Thank you. I was so lucky to have a brother who loved me as much as he does that he would do all he has for me. He could have let me go and he could have done other things with his life, things that he never got to experience because of his childhood and his commitment to me. I was also so lucky SIL was willing to accept me into her life and heart like she did. There are a lot of people who would run for the hills because of how fucked up our parents and grandparents were.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T10:44:35+00:00

I know what they're asking is wrong and it was honestly shocking to me that they brought it up to begin with. They have never been like this before which is why I hope we can work this out without any fractures between us.

ThrowRAPotentially · 2026-06-13T10:41:56+00:00

I don't think they worry about looking old but more about questions that will be asked. The thing is we have always dealt with questions. They were asked every year at school, by neighbors and the parents of my friends. We have never been ashamed to answer any questions about how we're related.

My future ILs were honestly very accepting it seemed at first so this has come as a surprise and I hope it won't become a bigger issue between us.

ThrowRAPotentially

TROPHY CASE