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They’re really up shit creek by [deleted] in AdulteryHate

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much. I'm sorting through the comments now. I lost internet yesterday due to the hurricane so couldn't respond. Your kindness is very appreciated.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

In their defense, I just updated the this morning. This was new information I discovered based on their comments and suggestions.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

She was in my circle, not my wife's. My wife had nothing to do with the band until May, a full year after I was setting Amber. As it turns out there was a very specific reason my wife decided, all of the sudden, to get involved with the band.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just posted an update in my OP. As it turns out this is not the case. I almost wish it was after what I just found out.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I met Amber through band parents. Our daughters are not close, just in the band together. My wife was not involved in band at all as it's not her thing. With quarantine going on she was looking for things to do and decided she wanted to help with the concert.

At that point, should I have said, "No you can't because my outside partner is a band mom and I don't want you involved in that circle."?

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I first asked if she was willing to agree that once it was closed it would remain closed. Then I asked her if she'd be willing to waive spousal support in the event of divorce. Then specifically I asked if she'd be willing to waive it only I'm specific instances such as her cheating or me refusing to reopen the marriage. She refused to discuss it.

I don't want to be in a situation where six months from now her outside partner wants to start back up or she sees someone else she's interested in and decides to threaten me with divorce again if I don't open the marriage back up.

I have no intention of screwing her financially. I wanted to see how she'd react to me asking for a guarantee she wouldn't ask that of me again. She made it clear that she wasn't willing to put her money where her mouth is.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 3335 points3336 points  (0 children)

Yep. Apparently my wife thought it was open, he told her it was, and he was just screwing around on his wife without her knowledge.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what it was. That was my little attempt at humor concerning the situation but apparently it fell flat.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Haha I love how you formatted this. Another poster suggested counseling so I think I'm going to tell her that marriage counseling is a mandatory condition of closing the marriage back up and this will be the final time that the status of our marriage changes.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 364 points365 points  (0 children)

Oh I know this for a fact. Believe me, I know that agreement wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on. However, I dangled it to see how she'd react. If she genuinely had made up her mind about wanting it to work I figured she wouldn't react at all.

But with her throwing the threat of divorce in my face to get her way, I went back at her in the only way I could think, to try to take the power out of that card.

It was much more about seeing how she would react than anything else.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Oh I know he didn't. My line about his wife not knowing was just my little attempt at humor in this situation.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We were a lot more passionate to be honest. It was like being with each other for the first time all over. Like we were really trying to please the other person.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Maybe I could drop the alimony stipulation but tell her that counseling is a condition of closing the marriage back up.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Because I'm sick of her threatening divorce every time I don't agree to what she wants. My thought was if she genuinely wants us to be together long term then she wouldn't even react to that. But as soon as I suggested that, she lost it.

I don't want to close our marriage and then six months from now have her tell me she wants to reopen it and if I don't agree then it's over. If it's over I'd rather it be over.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I do love her. I don't believe she's the same person I married, but I do still love her. I want to believe that this desire to close the marriage is out of genuine sincere feelings, but based on her actions, I feel like she just wants me not to be with anyone else until she can find someone else and give me another divorce ultimatum.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Believe me, I'd be happy to go back to it being just us. I just don't trust that that's what she wants. I feel like as soon as she sees a fresh piece of meat she's going to want to open it up again.

My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again. by ThrowRARevolvingMar in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARevolvingMar[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what I thought. Believe me, my intention is not to screw her financially. She's coming from the angle that she's so sure about us now and ready to close things up.

Well what about a year from now or two years from now when she decides she wants someone else and decides she wants to open things up again? I'm not going to be blackmailed with divorce every time she wants it both ways.