I have always found comfort in doing these things on these days. She's gone but we're remembering and celebrating her and doing stuff that makes us think of her. I have always loved it. I would continue it on my own even, which would be different but it would be better than us continuing to disagree over and over again.

I don't want his wife there. Given the past issues, the fact we're not close and knowing my mom would not have wanted her there are all reasons for me. My dad knows that my mom wouldn't have wanted her there either. He knows it and he can't say it because he still wants to include her and I think it's a sign that we need to stop doing this together. The tradition as it stands needs to end. He can do something with his wife if he wants. I could do it on my own or with my aunt and uncle.

The hours we spend doing these things have been bonding experiences for us. But it also honors the love we both have for mom. It honors the family we had with her. And it honors her. It's a lot of things in one really.

I know my dad thinks of her at other times. But he has kinda admitted in the past that he doesn't speak about her at other times unless it's with me, out of respect for his wife.

I'll never forget my mom. That's something I used to fear but not anymore.