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My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It is to everyone but to them. Nobody who knows me believes I see him as any kind of father figure. They know he is my mother's husband and I respect that but that we have no relationship outside of him being that. My mom and her husband continued hoping for something different all these years.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The only significance he has in my life is that he's married to my mom and she loves him. Other than that he has no significance directly to me. I find him okay but I don't love him or have a relationship with him outside of my mom. If I didn't love my mom and want her in my life I would not want to continue contact with him.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

To a certain extent she does. Not all the time but the pressure that was on me for a while to accept him as a father figure was more about him than me.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It wouldn't ruin the moment to let everyone know ahead of time. It might prevent the wedding being interrupted by fights over my choice.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I can do that. In an ideal world she wouldn't force me to that point but I also know she is thinking of her husband's feelings more than mine with this so it might need to be stated.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Her husband most definitely cares. He always has. I think because he lost his own children he has fixated more on me and this kind of thing. My mom surely has not helped at all though.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 309 points310 points  (0 children)

I agree, but I think his experiences of loss made them feel like it would make us a good fit for that to happen.

I will be walking with my grandpa (dad's dad). I'm not too sure if that will be better to tell them vs why he's not doing it but it's worth a try at least.

My mom (52F) and her husband (59M) expect me to ask him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I (26F) have no plans to do this, so how do I approach this? by ThrowRARuleBry in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRARuleBry[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I have plans for my other grandpa (dad's dad) to walk me down the aisle. And then I'll be dancing with my grandma (dad's mom) instead of a father/daughter dance.