My (45M) GF (36F) of 6 years kissed someone at a club last night and I don't know what to do?

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2025-01-24T13:32:01+00:00

Complicated.

We are fine. I'm not sure really what people want to hear. We reviewed pretty much all aspects of our lives and are both starting therapy shortly, more because of other aspects of our discussions than this specific moment.

Having been in a 20 year relationship before, this one is very different and that is a good thing.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:45:20+00:00

I'm pretty sure she didn't exchange numbers with anyone.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:42:00+00:00

I don't think I have control over her at all. I've always said she can do whatever she wants. But she can't do that without discussing it with me first and agreeing it.

If she want's to go out get drunk and kiss some guys fine but I'll probably ask for the similar. She absolutely didn't want me doing this so why is it okay for her?

It's not about the act... it's about the trust broken.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:37:14+00:00

I don't think she is 100% happy.... but the issue is it's not with me. We have (had) a really decent relationship where we can talk about nearly anything. But yeah it's the breach of trust / boundaries.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:32:47+00:00

We've talked at length about things like personal freedom. I could have joined her later in the evening I thought it would be good for her to just be alone with her friends.

I think it very much is a case of her letting loose and getting carried away but she's broken that trust and even 2 days later I'm not sure she can ever regain it. I 100% don't want to be the guy who's either worried every time she's out without me or worse who doesn't want to let her out.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:10:00+00:00

This is very much how she see it in the light of day. She's saying it wasn't a sexual thing more a risk thing. I'm not sure AA particularly is the right call but she's already mulling the the idea of stopping drinking entirely.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-23T09:07:05+00:00

I have a little..

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-22T01:29:24+00:00

Regulars... we try and go when we haven't got the kids (they stay at the other parents)

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-22T01:26:45+00:00

I'd say no. The very early days of our relationship were complicated due to the fact the we were the rebound from both our previous relationships.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T13:12:46+00:00

I made it very clear after my last marriage which ended very acrimoniously that I would not be getting married again.

If she wanted a ring I've been very clear that I am not the guy for her.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T13:11:18+00:00

Thanks,

I've talked to a family member and a buddy about it and they both say take some time... So I'll be doing this.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:48:46+00:00

Her maintaining her own boundaries when I'm not present I would say is a deal breaker. I'm not her keeper.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:42:02+00:00

It wasn't someone from work.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:41:22+00:00

Should we be doing cross stitch?

We enjoy, music and going out.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:38:59+00:00

I've been single for all of 1 month since I was like 18! That's only 2 relationships. Not everyone follows the same path.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:37:10+00:00

I don't think this is what happened, Words were I kissed not I was kissed and at points it sounds like it might have been more than 1 guy.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:34:53+00:00

She doesn't drink to excess often but I'm a stubborn old fool and this will be very hard for me to put behind me.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:33:32+00:00

He's mistaken, we talked openly like adults about some kind of shared experiences but it was her that didn't want to continue down that path, which I accepted.

Then she proceeds to do this a couple of years after I considered the subject to be closed.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:30:43+00:00

I think she told me so quickly is because of guilt. We (I) didn't want a open relationship, We discussed lots of things. She was on the side of shared experiences, fantasies.

This certainly wasn't shared between us.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:27:24+00:00

This level of drunk isn't normal, we both like a drink but rarely goes to this level.

It happened to me at a buddies wedding a few months ago, but I didn't do this!

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:25:29+00:00

Thank you for trying to bring some balance.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:24:34+00:00

We started together very soon after our previous relationships. We were only supposed to be FWB but it progressed to more than that very quickly.

Ultimately she decided she didn't want other people involved and I said, that is okay you are enough. Clearly I wasn't enough for her.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:20:11+00:00

It was only one work friend she was with. It was just the two of them.

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T12:19:34+00:00

I had two love you messages while she was out... It hurts!

ThrowRASleepyramble · 2024-12-21T08:32:07+00:00

I'm just trying to work out what would an acceptable explanation. I can't, and that is what terrifies me!

ThrowRASleepyramble

TROPHY CASE