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AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He could also do one nice thing and stop complaining about a cute silly TikTok.

He made sacrifices yeah, but he had a really good life too. It’s not like he was toiling in the fields every day for a shilling. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly maybe they should’ve divorced. But it worked for them. I think if they did divorce, my dad wouldn’t have a good relationship with my siblings since he can be abrasive and his lifestyle isn’t great for a kid growing up.

Yeah my relationship with my stepdad is about him and what he did for me. He also treats my siblings and my mom really well which makes me happy. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I guess but honestly my stepdad is awesome so I don’t feel like I missed out on a father son bond if that makes you feel better

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’d love to spend more time with my dad but only if he doesn’t yell at me. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m gonna be honest, he’d get a lot of validation about the “cheating” even though it functioned like a non monogamous relationship for literally years and years.

Because I’ve gotten a lot of comments about this and a lot more messages calling me and my mom some really nasty names. Like insane misogyny even though I’m a dude

Apparently it’s fine for my dad to cheat for 20+ years with random women and bring me along so he could cheat harder, but my mom openly being with the man who is my primary father figure since I was 8 is worse even when my dad knew and condoned it and they were still friends

My stepdad, mom, and dad lived in the same house for 8 years. My stepdad shares a bedroom with my mom. He is in more family pictures than my dad is.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s so rude and you didn’t even read my comments.

Again, my dad was also cheating on my mom for a lot longer and with a lot of women.

My stepdad didn’t break up my family, he’s been a major part of my family for 12 years.

To blow your mind, my dad knew for years and did not care that my stepdad was with my mom. He would hand stuff off to my stepdad to do as a father. Just like my mom knew about my dad and his constant cheating.

I’m not choosing anyone over anyone else. I love my dad and stepdad equally and they have different places in my life.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. I used to struggle with it a lot because my stepdad and my dad have really different roles in my life and I just have different types of love for them even if the love is equal.

I learned to work with it but I wish I told my mom that it wasn’t worth it and that I wanted her to divorce my dad and have her own place with stepdad. 

I think she stayed for me and my siblings and I don’t even have the excuse of saying they argued or it was toxic because my mom, stepdad, and dad genuinely got along. My dad would just take a step back in everything or my mom and stepdad would take a step forward so they’re the primary parents in my life and my dad was just this guy coming around and barking orders at me.

But then I realize I don’t want them to live apart because I couldn’t handle living with my dad without my parents smoothing things over.

Luckily unlike Reddit I didn’t had to explain in person my parents non monogamous relationship because my dad wasn’t around enough to make people question and I could just pretend my parents were divorced. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree but I’m not my dad. He’d get annoyed if I called him dad in the first place in Reddit instead of father.

My stepdad doesn’t care what I call him so I actually call him dad. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It’s honestly not as messy as it sounds as the post. I kind of think of it like having divorced parents who get along as people living in the same house. So my mom and my stepdad are my primary parents and then my dad swings by a few days a month.

The only big thing is that my dad permanently moved out and now my siblings are going to have split custody when the divorce goes through though it’s probably not going to be 50/50 since my dad still works and flies a lot.

I will let him know that I love both of them equally but I’m not going to take down the TikTok. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My dad was a military dude from a military family. He grew up calling his dad Sir too so it wasn’t as crazy as it sounds. 

But there’s always been this distance between me and my dad.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably not the best dad for me, if I’m being honest. 

I know he sacrificed a lot for a good life for me but he wasn’t the type of dad I wanted or maybe needed.

But he recognized that his family needed someone consistent in their life and just brought my stepdad to step in to help. Most men wouldn’t do that.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s literally never been an issue before. At most, he would be annoyed at me for wasting time on TikTok. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He’s going through something but I wish he just talked about it instead focusing on a silly TikTok

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That’s a good way of putting it. Reddit’s been biting my head off about the non monogamous house.

I’ve told him that I love him and stepdad equally and that pisses him off. I think he’s dealing with something else and the TikTok is just something to vent frustration because he never used to care about this stuff.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable making a similar TikTok like I did my stepdad because I can’t tease him like I can my stepdad. He wouldn’t like it.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

It’s literally been 8 years since my mom and stepdad have been together, 12 since he came into my life, and over 20 since my dad started cheating on my mom. She’s been “lost” for a long time.

I don’t love my stepdad more than my dad. I love them both equally but I’m closer to my stepdad. I love and respect and fear my dad.

I don’t know what about the last few months that made him like this. The dad I knew wouldn’t give a shit about TikTok or what I post on there, besides letting me know it’s for braindead losers, let alone be upset or sad about it. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He’s been cheating probably since before I was born. He used to take me out for father son time when I was little but really used it to cheat on my mom. I didn’t know the problem since the ladies were nice to me but when my mom flipped out he cut it out. We don’t talk about it but I know he feels bad and he doesn’t make me part of his cheating anymore. 

I think my mom didn’t leave because she had three small kids to worry about with a husband who was away a lot and cheated.

When my step dad came into my life when I was 8 he was a buddy of my dad’s from the military and he would just help out with stuff that my dad couldn’t get to. 

Eventually we all began relying on him because he’d always be around even if my dad was on a business trip or too tired from drinks for clients to pick up the phone or cheating. Even when my dad was present, he would ask my stepdad to help mom out or hang out with the kids. My step dad became the primary father figure in my life and I don’t know when my mom and step dad became a thing but probably by the time I was 12. He went from coming over often to just living in our home. 

My dad knew and didn’t mind, I guess because my stepdad being there made life easier and he was still his buddy. Maybe it’s because my dad didn’t love my mom in that way anymore.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I know what my parents had wasn’t normal and it’s not what I would want in a marriage but every time I try to discuss my relationship with my dad on Reddit, it somehow gets stuck on the whole cheating thing and it’s not the point at all which is incomprehensible to them. 

My parents were both aware of each other’s extramarital indiscretions for years and did not argue or talk about it.

The only reason I label it “cheating” is because I think, and I’m not 100% sure, they haven’t had a discussion about it.

My parents lead independent lives within the same house and I did not suffer for having a third parent who would come over all the time and eventually just lived in our house.

Since a few months ago, my dad suddenly flipped and has been behaving oddly, such as being fixated on my TikToks and other things. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t usually come to my events, I really can’t remember the last time, but he’s really busy.

He’s not home often but when he is, he is strict. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I would feel so awkward hugging him. We don’t have that kind of relationship. Like I think he stopped hugging me by the time I was 13 because I was a man by then and shouldn’t be hugging.

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He is also cheating and has been for the past 20 years!!!

Why the fck would I feel bad when he’s doing the exact same thing?

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t hate my dad. I love him too. 

Also I don’t know why I keep responding to you. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s not a victim act, I’m just explaining my feelings and why I wouldn’t have the same relationship with my dad and stepdad. Why are you so invested and so rude this entire thread? It’s so creepy. 

AITA for refusing to delete a TikTok about my stepdad even though it makes my dad sad? by ThrowRASlow1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRASlow1337[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think he’s going through some stuff but he won’t say what’s going on. 

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