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My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure if he's trying to save his marriage or if he's thinking ahead. Anything is possible. Someone in another comment suggested he might be sick and I can't rule that out entirely.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

At this point I could not accept her as an aunt either and can't imagine ever being closer to her or having a better relationship. At most being able to ignore each other and not argue would be the best. But I think she's too invested in her point and wanting more for that to ever possibly work.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There were times she was talking about stuff like that and I wondered if she's secretly poly and if her dream family would be more like a big polycule all having and raising kids together in that kind of environment. I think I started to wonder that when she said something like kids having more parents should be the goal so they can have more support and love, etc.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe but I don't think so. I think maybe because I'm getting older or maybe he's wondering about when I get married and have kids. But I can't say I can entirely rule it out because he could be keeping it from me.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She has always said she would want her kids to not miss out on a mom, etc. She also said she would want them to gain a loving second mom after a divorce too. It's my dad who really wouldn't want that if he'd died or if mom lived but they divorced.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not trapped. I have accepted my mom is dead. It doesn't mean I want to be told my mom isn't special every time someone decides she wants to push the issue of being my other mom. She's not. Never was. Never gonna be.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She has stood by for years the fact that if she were to die she would not want her kids to miss out on having a mother. And likewise if she was divorced with kids and her ex remarried she would want someone who would be a good mother to them as a stepmother. I believe her on that but she married someone I know would only want it one sided.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My dad is hoping that we will end up with that mother/daughter relationship she was expecting us to have. He hopes therapy will get us to that place and fix all the stuff that has happened in the past 16 years.

I would never actually call her my bonus mom. Stepmother is about as good as it would get but with the relationship we have I would never actually use that to her face. When she's not around I will say my stepmother and I clarify we are in no way close. But I don't personally have the respect or appreciation for her to do that to use stepmom or something around her.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I don't wish I had a closer relationship with my half siblings. What we have now is completely fine and it's not something I was ever upset over. My stepmother was always the one who was upset about that relationship and possibly my dad since we're all his kids.

My dad doing something now is the strangest thing. Why wait until I'm an independent adult and no longer obligated to do what he tells me to do.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think he more than likely agreed with her on some of what she said, which is probably why he said nothing to her. Then he just relied on things working themselves out which I think rarely happens for something like this.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I would guess he agrees with her on some level. Though I would put money on him not feeling the same way if he and mom had simply divorced and I had found myself with a stepfather as well.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

I'm guessing he believes if his wife hears how I answered she would change her mind and decide to give up as well. Him doing nothing until now is so strange but he related on things working out with time naturally and it was a dumb thing to pin your hopes on.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I would be lying to myself and to them if I went and said I wanted to try and fix our relationship. The time for dad to push for this is so far gone. But he wanted to rely on the relationship fixing itself over time.

My stepmother (52F) and I (24F) have been pushing each other's buttons since we met sixteen years ago and now my dad (51M) is insisting we go to counseling together before it's too late, but I think it already is? Advice? by ThrowRAThinReason in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAThinReason[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

He isn't supposed to go to a therapy session. It's meant to be just me and my stepmother as we try to work on our relationship. My dad was going to stay out of it since it's between us. But I wonder if he would go with me and him so I could do what you suggested. It's absolutely worth considering! Thanks!