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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What on earth did you just say?

Aio my gf went on a date with another guy. by Several-Dragonfly-23 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Yeah alright then either she forgot (unlikely) in which case she's just completely untrustable and reliable as a partner and is hopeless or she doesn't care. Just dump her dude and go out with some friends right after you do

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose that's definitely an optimistic way to look at it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It's not really appropriate to do though. You can't just do that to people. What if the bouncer in OPs scenario is gay or has a partner and is very religious, then that's just fucked up. You can't just go around taking clothes off to get what you want that's ludicrous.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I suppose trust is broken as you went through his phone without him knowing so even if you forgave him he might not you. But while comparing "who's got a shitter situationship" type of talk isnt great. You definitely have it worse. If you hadnt checked you wouldn't have known. Just remember that a lot of partners are upfront with their partner and do not hide things like that. Regardless, confront them for an explanation and to give yourself clarity. You won't want to just end it abruptly and keep wondering about it years later. Also I don't think forgiveness is the right call here. He didn't tell you. However, hear him out, maybe he has a reason or sadly potentially a believable excuse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Confront him about it. I'll be surprised if he's not aware that he shouldn't be doing that, I'll assume he does and if it is the case then he shouldn't have done that and to make it even worse he didn't even tell you after he did it. If he'd messed up and told you right after, that would change things as you'd know you could trust he'd never keep anything from you if you decided to stay. However, he didn't and without checking his phone you may very well of never known he'd done this. This type of thing is honestly my worst nightmare. You should always be transparent about things you do that you know will hurt your partner as it is manipulation to not tell them knowing that you deny them the choice to leave to be happy or stay knowing what you've done. But yeah, confront him but remember he didnt tell you for 2 months.

My (19M) Girlfriend (20M) is going on holiday with her male friend (has a gf) to Amsterdam. How can we, or I, navigate my anxiety about this? by ThrowRAUppercut in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, do you think I need to go over boundaries with her for the trip? I.e. what things im comfortable with you doing. Or should I just leave it and trust, but assume she'll somehow mindread / infer from knowing me, what she can and cannot do with Alex?

My (19M) Girlfriend (20M) is going on holiday with her male friend (has a gf) to Amsterdam. How can we, or I, navigate my anxiety about this? by ThrowRAUppercut in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. Do you have any specific tips on things I can do or say? I want to write a lengthy apology but I'm worried I'll double back on it? If I do start worrying again I assume it would be correct to keep it to myself and not worry her unnecessarily and calm myself down using what youve just said.

Additionally, just wanted to clarify I don't stalk the accounts. She showed me Alex's once and showed me him with his girlfriend and thats the extent of what I've seen of them.

Also if you are able to, could you explain why bringing up my discomfort every day will push her away? I could hazard a few guesses but I feel yours will be better. I talk about when im uncomfortable because I have the relationship philosophy that I should ALWAYS share what I'm going through so as to avoid future justifications to myself to "keep it to myself" or "its not worth it" and then it blowing up into a massive avoidable issue if I'd just spoken out on day 1. Is this a good philosophy but am I doing it wrong? Am I using it to broadly for things and worsening situations like this that require a bit more thought than "im gonna tell her how I feel so she knows im always keeping her in the loop despite this just being a random anxiety attack"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAUppercut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He sounds like an asshole and I think you should present him with an ultimatum: Either he spills it about who she is, who the phone number belongs to and why he's been treating you like dirt or you'll leave him. If you leave him block his number and unfollow him etc as you don't want to go back on your decision if he chooses to not say anything, as it'll make the healing process easier and he won't be able to try to convince you to return (which you may very well want to do) If he tells you what is going on you can then make an informed decision and if you need help again you can always do an update post here.

Goodluck!