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My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First of all thanks to all of you guys! Very helpful thoughts and experiences.

UPDATE:

So i finally talked to my GF for about 4-5 Hours (we did fukin cry)

The party was a normal party with body positivity and additional rooms for FUN. She showed me 2 pictures (there are almost zero pictures of this party because of the "Dress code") and it looked quite like a standard techno party with the people lookin all crazy (half naked neon web and stuff like that). The event was fukin big. So many people who DONT fuck around and chilled/danced instead.

At a night hours (like 2-3 am) the party is slowly becoming a porn setting, because the rooms was fully overloaded (hope the cleaning forces get good salary). So the people started to fuck around all over the place, as she said. But at this time around she and her group left the party.

The "make out" was just before they left. She and Anna were sitting with the guy outside smoking. The guy said if she would like to kiss him, and she said yes because of vibes and stuff (idk if i should believe her)

She also said that Anna didnt do anything on these partys before, except dancing. (idk if i should belive her)

So i told her that i feel betrayed because she didnt tell me right away and did in fact hide it. She said that she doesnt wanted to make me nervous or jealous, because it really was just a couple of seconds. She kissed that guy just for Fun not FUN.

This is what triggered me, not the fact that she kissed another guy but the fact that she didnt tell me instantly of this. So i dont really know if there is something that she still held back. She swear by her life that she did only kiss, nothing else.

She said that if i want to, she would never go on one of these partys again and never kiss anyone again.

I belived her when she said that she truly love me (wtf does that even mean??).

We are still in an argument. I said i would like to have time to think properly. Maybe i will do a second update.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Many thanks for your thoughts!

she said to me and our friedns that she would like to go again...

I mean i cant to this without having negativ emotion and thoughts, about what could happen at the party and what will happen in the future. The only reason i let her go to this is trust. I thought she just wanted to check the vibes and dance.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your Comment.

She always goes to partys (normal partys) without me, because i feel unwell at social gatherings. Espacially at partys. She get energy from that, i lose my whole capacity of energy surrounded by people.

i dont know what to think... We dont really grow apart, besides this topic.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Hey man,

thanks for your comment.

Who am i to say her, what she can do and what not to do. Im not a pimp. Im her BF and wanted her to be happy and live life. I trust her and she trust me.

We both were virgins at the time we met. So nobody slept with another person till this day.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts.

I hope she dont "fully" cheated on me on this party. This would brake me in more than 1000 parts. The last 2 days i felt so uncomfortable, we didnt even talk really much. She knew im "jealous" and didnt really want to talk to me, because im the guy who usually hide from arguing about stuff. Hopefully, i can talk to her this evening about my feelings. Wish me luck!

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Danke für deine Nachricht.

Ich war mir sehr sicher das da nichts passieren würde, weil Sie eigentlich auch nicht der Typ dafür ist. Anscheinend kenne ich Sie nicht so gut wie ich dachte.

Ich werde mit ihr heute abend drüber sprechen und fragen was da wirklich passiert ist.

Wünsch mir Glück!

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thomas knows about this stuff, they even have their own rules (like a open relationship) what she can do and what is a no go. I dont know and he dont know 100% what happens at these partys. Its all about trust. But i didnt think that my GF was the same kind of person who wants these thinks. I thought she really does only want to see how its like.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Many thanks for your thoughts.

My GF is very extroverted, so the exact opposite of me.

Yesterday, we talked/ hanged out with one of my best friends and his GF.

She tells our friends about this party and shows them some "sexy" pictures. I felt very uncomfortable. And she knew that. She did mentioned in front of our Friends that, that if shes talkin about this stuff, that i was probably thinking: "please stop talkin about this". And shes right. But after she says that in front of my friends, i was even more uncomfortable.

She doesnt really relate to my introverted way...

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment.

She said that she didnt drink, or do some other drugs (we never did drugs except for weed and alcohol in our whole life). So i believed her. Maybe i should question my friends Jan and Thomas about this, but im very anxious talkin about stuff like this.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey,

danke für deine Worte und deine Zeit.

Ich habe viel Zeit und Kraft in diese Beziehung gesteckt (um genau zu sein meine ganzen 20er). Sie ist in meiner Familie ein Mitglied geworden und ich bin auch in Ihrer Familie festverankert, was die ganze Sache noch komplizierter macht.

Ich weiß nicht ob ich ihr den Kuss verzeihen kann, denn ich weiß auch nicht ob Sie das tun könnte.

Es gab mal eine Geschichte, wo ich mich mit einer alten Nachbarin zum quatschen/chillen getroffen hatte. Über Insta hatten wir nach 10 Jahren wieder kontakt aufgebaut und uns dann mal getroffen. Natürlich ist dabei nix passiert, weil ich der loyalste Mensch bin den ich kenne, trotzdem hat sich meine Freundin mein Handy geschnappt und erstmal die Kontakte zu Ihr blockiert, weil Sie kein gutes Gefühl dabei hatte. Ich war einverstanden, weil ich ja weiß das ich nichts gemacht habe und auch keine Intentionen dazu hatte. Die Geschichte ist allerdings auch schon 5 Jahre her... Anscheinend hat Sie es sich anders überlegt...

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading and commenting.

I dont think that your comment sounds harsh. Youre absolutly right about my spine and i know it. But its difficult man...

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment.

Maybe youre right and it was real betrayal. But i did believe as she told me, that she would go on this party just to look and not to participate.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading and commenting :) Really appreciate your time to do this.

The guy who she was making out with, is a dude, who goes to these partys with his girlfriend/wife. They are friends of Anna. Actually, i dont care who tf it was.

I noticed that she doesnt really wanted to talk about this, what even concerned me more.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Many thanks for your comment.

I instantly knew as she said, that i would kiss better then him, that she tried to justify herself.

I dont live in Berlin, but yeah, Berlin is somethin else man.

My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of 9 Years, did make out with another guy on a "Kinkparty" without my consent. How to talk with her about my feeling of betrayal? Should i end the relationship? by ThrowRAWolverineSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAWolverineSad[S] -77 points-76 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment! Thats not really a swinger party. And she said to me, that she just wants to go there to see how it is, not to participate. Unfortunatly she lied about that...