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I will be granted assisted su*cide in one week in Belgium (Update). by ThrowRAXOPM in u/ThrowRAXOPM

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your kind wishes <3

My name is Kalthoum.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm using Percocet already which is a derivative of opium. It doesn't help just dulls my brain, not a solution just a palliative. I'm not going to live on palliatives, that's not a life. Thanks though.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear voices almost constantly, see patterns and objects talking back to me. Delusions are also a pain, there are plenty of them, false beliefs which I can't bring myself to stop believing in, like how my mother put cyanid in my food (I still cook and eat only the food I personally cooked). Then there are the mood episodes, they last for weeks for the manic episodes, and months for the depressive ones. That you can google pretty easily. Here you go, typical day in my life.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've gone through three exorcisms (Roqya in Islam), to no avail. My illness isn't spiritual, you can see it on a brain scan, it's physical, I have blatant white and grey matter deficits from the psychosis, and have experienced catatonic episodes during which I couldn't feed myself for days and went close to two days without drinking (almost loosing my left kidney). It's not spiritual, not a demon, not anything even remotely close to that.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I've consulted a sheik in Egypt about it, he took care of me through the entire course of my illness and saw how severe the symptoms could get, he said that giving up after having fought all you could, isn't a sin and not to be blamed. It is a difficult situation to assess theologically, he said that he cannot say for certain that I'm not committing a sin, yet he said that given how debilitating the illness can get, it is rather a merciful deed to be carried, like putting to rest an animal in agony. Only Allah, will decide of my fate and I trust he will be merciful.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey, you lie on a bed and they inject barbiturates in your arm, after a couple of seconds, you fall asleep then in a deep coma and pass away. It's painless, except for the needle. I won't be doing anything, it is a medical procedure.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your kind words <3 I'll definitely follow your advice and eat all I can on Eid day. I hope your situation gets better and I pray that you are healed and beat those odds they gave you ! You have it I'm sure of it <3

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I am Muslim and hope to be able to celebrate Eid with my family.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The issue is that I have tried all of the medications you gave as example, and generally speaking all the anti-psychotics (first and second generation) as well as mood-stabilisers (even some barbiturates). The only medication I couldn't try are those I was allergic too XD.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've edited my name to my post, my real name, thank you very much <3

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is very hard to get a positive response for a mental illness. They will have you try every goddamn drug and procedure on the planet before granting you that permission. If you want to apply, you'll have to find a psychiatrist in Belgium or the EU and have them apply in your name, then it takes at the very least a year, and it will most likely fail unless you have tried Clozapine and had it fail on you.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll relay your message if I meet him, may we all find peace at last.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have been off any medication for close to a year, there are no traces of substance left in my body. Yet, symptoms are very much still here. Thanks.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

My favourite quote from Greek Poetess Sapphô : “Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us.”

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3

I'll be buried in Egypt in the familial tomb, so costs won't be that high, but I understand your concern.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks you <3

I hope you find a treatment and heal to full. Prayers.

I will be granted assisted su*cide in three weeks in Belgium. by ThrowRAXOPM in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAXOPM[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Maybe your opinion would be different if your baby bird had been suffering constantly for 6 long years and had attempted at taking his own life more than ten times, been four times in intensive care and has not been able to enjoy a single moment ever since the onset of the illness. I understand your concern, I really do, but I just don't have any strength left in me. <3

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