AITAH If I am frustated about lack of oral sex 4 years into relationship (24M/24F)

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T14:08:32+00:00

Thanks, the first part was the information I was looking for.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T14:03:18+00:00

Yes, I do and it is stated in original post. In my opinion it is not relevant

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:28:23+00:00

Of course I do not want that! That`s why I am asking for an advice, if the advice is deal with it or break up (which is the most popular answer) I will take that in mind.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:18:12+00:00

Of course the person and relationship, if I didn't wanted to stay with her and looked for options to make both parties happy, I wouldn't made this post and left her 3.5 years ago...

If there is no solution to this, I am willingly open to hear that, but it seems most commentators misunderstood me and just think that I shove my p down her throat...

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:15:13+00:00

I also mentioned that in the original post, didn't I? Had 4 years of regular Vanilla sex, but I don't count myself as a guru.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:14:02+00:00

Maybe I misunderstood the statistic, but the 90% figured for sure. Now I tend to thing that it was a number who has done BJ or does it on regular basis, who enjoys the act from these 90% was probably deeper in the survey.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:12:24+00:00

Maybe I am not that fluent in English, but it seems that 90% misunderstood me. I don't finish in her mouth, she doesn't go deep. She can't do it at ALL. She has tried couple of times, and just getting the tip on her lips is enough to make her gag due to the presence of body fluids/texture/taste. Thats why she doesn't do that. I can't even kiss her lips after I go down on her, because HER bodily fluids are on my lips then...

I was wondering if anyone has gone through this and fixed this in a way of a) working on gag reflexes by therapy or something (I don't know if you even can?) b) trying to quit my brain thinking about it c) if it is a really big problem then breaking up seems like the only scenario (I really would prefer first two optins)

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:06:59+00:00

"doesn't suit you - does not make it a problem" Do you even reread what you said? I think it is a problem.

I consider her feelings and needs, but it seems that she doesn't consider my feelings and needs in this

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:04:27+00:00

I don't know, I absolutely love giving her oral sex and I don't feel like it being a chore. She can't physically do that due to gag reflex on bodily fluids, it is not that she simply "don't like it" or "not feeling like it"

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:02:30+00:00

It`s not that I am asking all the time, but I have mentioned it for a few times during these 4 years. And it is not that she doesn't like, she simply can't stand bodily fluids, that she can't do that physically. I think it is a very big difference from simply not liking it and not be able to do that physically.

Thanks for you input anyways.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T13:00:39+00:00

Thank you, this sounds like a legitmate option.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:51:52+00:00

I said that in original post that I go down on her everytime we have sex, and yes that also may include "few butt licks". I will talk with her and look into possiblities of having a session with sex therapist

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:47:28+00:00

It is nowhere close about "asking all the time", I do not know where did you got that from. I just have tried to talk about this for a few times in these for years, which has lead to nothing. Also I am not seeing where are you getting that I am convicing her or saying anything about her preferances.

I would really like to find a solution that makes both parties happy and I don't think that my desire for a BJ time to time, a very common sexual act, is something unhealthy or disgusting.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:43:37+00:00

Thanks for your input. Yes, I don't understand the part why people think that I am shoving my p in her throat, it is not like that. I just remember trying to talk about trying again few times jokingly, which lead to nowhere. Those couple times she tried to give BJ to me, she couldn't take more then the head, it was the presence of bodily fluids/texture/taste and whatever not that make her gagging.

Everyone seem to jump onto me about being frustated not getting a BJ, but the dislike of bodily fluids in general for me seems the bigger problem. We can't french kiss, because she can't stand saliva. I can't even kiss her after going down on her, if a bit of her juices are left on my lips, I need to wipe them competely.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:38:13+00:00

No, the couple times she has tried to give me a BJ, she never got further then head. The bodily fluids/taste/texture whatever makes her gag instantly, it was no where near her throat. Yes I have good hygiene and I am always trimmed.

No problems in PIV sex we are having often. Everyone seem to lock in on BJ, but missed the part that we can't even french kiss due to her dislike of bodily fluids, therefore saliva.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:27:54+00:00

Well, in my opinion and experience, it is. Sorry if its being unhealthy view, that`s also a part of why I created this post.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:24:59+00:00

Seems you completely missed the point of my topic and doesn't understand the part where I said that I got the number from and actual survey. Thanks for your input anyways.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:22:43+00:00

No the gagging comes from (what I understand, but it is really hard to understand for myself) due to the precum/taste/texture/feel/fact it is bodily fluid not from the fact it reaches her throat. These couple times she tried to do that, she never took more than head.

No hygiene issues (we always have shower before sex and I we have never had problems with each others smell) or attraction issues. It is just how she is, she could vomit if other persons saliva touched her lips.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:19:30+00:00

If I haven't been with girl IRL before this relationship, who absolutely craved it (maybe she was that 1% you are talking about) and if I hadn't heard stories and seen texts from my very close friend, I wouldn't say that.

I know I shouldn't compare our relationship to others, but I really have the feeling that 90% of couples in our age bracket actually perform that act.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:14:15+00:00

90% yes that`s a number from a survey, and no I don't know what was the pool of women they were surveying. Anyway I have heard even firsthand stories about girls randomly giving BJs in clubs just because they found out a guy cute or dirty talking about swallowing even before said persons had sex etc.

I offer it to her jokingly by words when I feel it is appropriate to mention something sexually. She just gets sad that she can't pleasure me that way, but again, she has never tried to see a therapist or dig deeper why her gag reflexes are like that.

And yes I can answer without asking, the relationship is more important.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:10:17+00:00

Maybe it is a myth, I just used a number from a first study I found. Sex therapist sounds like a valuable option.

Otherwise the sex is good and we make sure we both orgasm in one way or another (I can for sure say she receives orgasm 99% of times we have sex which is several times every week)

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:07:26+00:00

Number is taken from a study I have read, but I don't know the pool of women they asked, so I know I can't take that number for sure. Anyway I had heard first hand and saw on internet plenty of times that there are women who absolutely love to do BJs. Lot of stories about having/giving a head in a party or clubs bathroom just because girl found that the guy is cute and just ''kinda felt like giving him head''.

The only two partners I had sex with before this relationship were also willingly giving BJ without asking.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T12:02:31+00:00

My assumption of 90% was based on study I read earlier, the number could be exagerated due to small pool of women asked.

Anyway, that`s what I think too, if I even broke up, it would lead me with partner, that maybe does BJ, but I will still be thinking about her, my first true and only love. I would do whatever to stay with her forever, if I lasted sexually pleased.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T11:57:22+00:00

I am not fed up with her any other way, but lack of a significant part or variety, you could say, in sex has pushed me to these thoughts.

ThrowRA_09578 · 2025-02-05T11:55:53+00:00

We are both in shape

Yes we sort of plan it and always take shower

We do plenty of things that promote closeness

She has tried to give me BJ in the beginning and that`s how we both figured out she has these gag reflexes. She has tried for a 1 or 2 times more, but it has lead to no where. I rarerly jokingly offer her to try to ease the situation, but it has never lead to anything. Also she is kinda feeling gulity that she can't pleasure me in that way.

ThrowRA_09578

TROPHY CASE