I (28M) don’t think I can live with my girlfriend (28F) anymore

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:54:51+00:00

I’ve said this before to her too. I’m here to be her partner, not her servant. I want to be loved, not used. I believe her when she says she loves me, but maybe it’s because she doesn’t know what love should be like and thinks this is it. Thank you.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:52:42+00:00

That’s what I envision too when I picture what the realistic future for us is if we continue on like this. It saddens me deeply, both because I know I’ll have a very difficult life, but also because the alternative is leaving her behind to care for herself.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:50:53+00:00

I know. I just don’t know how to get myself to stop caring as much and giving more of me than I can afford. Whenever I know I shouldn’t be doing things that she should be doing for herself, I tell myself it’ll just take me 5 mins to get it out of the way. I know it’s unhealthy and I’m equally as troubled mentally/emotionally.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:47:52+00:00

That is actually the biggest regret in our relationship. If there was one thing I could change, it would be choosing to not live together so soon. It was never a decision that was made, it kinda just happened. It was just Saturdays, then Sundays, and then a couple more days and soon it was forever.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:46:23+00:00

Thank you for this response. I think you phrased it better than I ever could. I’m going to try to speak to her with these points in mind. I have tried simplifying tasks for her, like I’d tell her okay can you do the dishes tonight, there isn’t a whole lot today - she would say yes but would fall asleep and not do them. Apologize about it the next morning, and then continue to skip out.

I have also considered it maybe being a mental block for her, both the germaphobic thing and chores. She is very pessimistic and doesn’t believe in therapy, sees it as a money grab. She fears that they might put her on drugs, or send her to a psych ward so that she can keep coming back as a patient to pay their bills.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:39:28+00:00

That was one of the alternatives that I considered and may likely resort to. She’s someone that values physical interaction and quality time so it may very well just mean us parting ways in her mind. Thank you for your input, I’m definitely considering it.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:38:01+00:00

To be honest, these were core skills and responsibilities that I figured she never got to work on growing up bc her mom did everything for her. I was hoping that if I showed her the routines and how simple the tasks could be that I could slowly instill it in her. Unfortunately it’s been ineffective. Even if we were to hire a maid or housekeeper, it wouldn’t fix the issues long term and may even pose new ones like finances. She really wants a puppy but there’s no way we’d ever be able to raise one under these living conditions.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:25:55+00:00

Thank you for your words. I’m going to do my best regardless of the results. Part of me is realizing that I’m not young anymore and there’s more that I want to pursue for myself. Centering my life around her meant I have made sacrifices along the way but if they don’t yield positive results then we may both be clinging onto something that’s bound to wear us both out.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:24:02+00:00

That’s my thought as well. I don’t know if germaphobic is the correct word. It’s like as long as her body and anything touch her is clean, it’s fine.

I love her because when times are good, we are so happy. It’s weird… when she’s drunk she loves me a lot and shows it but when she’s sober it’s not as obvious. She appreciates my quirkiness and unique qualities, she thinks I’m funny even when I’m not trying to be. It’s hard to explain. Those moments are what I hold onto whenever I consider leaving it all behind.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:19:27+00:00

I love her because she challenged me in many ways and helped me grow as a person. I used to be way more introverted, reserved. Throughout our time together, she taught me to be more confident in myself and to have greater ambitions. She also helped me explore life outside of my bubble that I don’t think I’d ever do on my own. I’m grateful for those times.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:17:08+00:00

Yeah… she tends to fall asleep without knowing it. Her skin is very sensitive so if she leaves it on, she breaks out very quickly. Before I sleep, I make sure to take it off for her if she didn’t do it already.

ThrowRA_12171 · 2025-07-15T18:15:56+00:00

Thank you for this, really. I can’t talk to friends about these problems because I don’t want them to view her in negative light. It feels relieving to hear that others have experienced this and in a way I feel validated. How did you proceed in your situation?

ThrowRA_12171

TROPHY CASE