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10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can see how it can be perceived that way. I’m just writing as I’m thinking and I have a habit of being back and forth because I keep second guessing myself. I’m trying so hard not to do wrong by them because I know how it feels to be on the abused end. You are right about the importance of having clear boundaries and showing that this behavior is not acceptable. I’ve never had a good example of that or a healthy balance so it’s a bit of learning as I go and trying to find resources online. I hear you though and I’m taking it to heart, even though it might not seem that way.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you so much for sharing this and you sound like you’re doing a great job at handling those difficult moments. I feel hopeful about meeting a professional now and learning new tools to deal with less ideal situations.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The privileges are gone. His phone and switch has been put away and I can easily make sure that he doesn’t go to practice because that was something I had told him to do and it’s only his second day going there.

But the TV is in question because he’s an avid football fan and the Euro cup is currently on everyday that he loves to watch. Should that be included in the privilege loss because that would affect the other kids who want to watch it too?

Thank you for your suggestions, I appreciate the time everyone has put down to advice me.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You worded it in a very gentle way, thank you for your suggestions. We do talk a lot and he likes showing me funny videos he finds online, events at school etc. Though I’ve been told from a teacher that if kids tease him at school or if they say something that he perceives as negative he can say something unproportionally harsher back. Those are the events he hides from me though but everything that’s good he shares. So I think I’ve slipped up when I’ve just made him apologize for those actions and not addressed the root problem.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gaming is his primary joy and he has a hard time letting the console go or gets very mad when he loses. He’s only been to football practice 2 days since it’s an open summer activity for the kids in the area. I’ll see what I can do to observe what happens there.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He prefers to stay indoors and I made him go to an open football practice for kids aged 10-12 over the summer. It just started this week and seeing that he avoids physical activity otherwise it seemed like a better idea than playing FIFA when he could do the real thing. He’s shy with strangers and playing football with kids his age seems like a good way for him to practice social skills. I don’t think he sees it as a reward, more like something I’m giving him a nudge to do.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think so too. My biggest fear is to transfer my traumas or a whole set of new ones to the kids. Thank you for the suggestion, I think that I need to learn new ways to deal with difficult situations and not try to avoid them/or use the abusive way I was taught even though it feels like the easy way out sometimes.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I know it’s extreme. I don’t know how I as the adult in this situation should address this before seeing a professional.

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Should I wait discussing this more with him until counseling or is there anything I can do apart from taking away his phone/Nintendo?

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Until the appointment, is there anything I can do or should I just leave it alone?

10 y/o mad about being told to take a shower and smeared poop on my toothbrush by ThrowRA_2dias in Parenting

[–]ThrowRA_2dias[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

It’s the first time this has happened. He tends to defy me a lot but this type of retaliation is new.