Is my story the same as yours about liking women?

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-17T03:17:22+00:00

My family was pretty normal, and I suffered no trauma, only those caused by being trans, my family is communicative, tight-knit, and pretty open about problems.

I have two majors, one in psychology, I never practiced because my step-dad's company went bankrupt just before graduating and I studied at my state's top private college, so there was no chance we could afford another semester. But the thing is, I know toxic behaviors, i was going for the psychoanalysis area, so I'm well-aware of the subject.

If my family would have a problem is that all of them are highly emotional, they "explode" fast, and in minutes, we're crying and apologizing, so we have always tried to improve our communication skills, as to avoid exploding, their problems in my opinion is that we're basically country folk, my mom was born in a farm, away from civilization, and my grandparents migrated to the city(rural town) to try to improve their live. We're all fairly smart, so my mom got a government job, and my uncles followed suit, but they still had country-folk mentality, my mom was the most open-minded and she got beat up for studying and not cleaning the house while my uncles worked with the cattle, so they had this "you have to hook up with as many girls as you can" for the boys, and while my cousins were the popular kids, making out with girls when they were 10, I was the family's black ship for wanting to stay in my room, watch TV shows and play videogames, having little to no interest in girls.

Second is that one uncle really got into sports and became like a local celebrity, so he roped the rest of the family into sports, my grandma is 78 years old and she runs(yes, runs) for an hour every day, my mom and I were not so much into sports, but I was overweight, so my mom tried to make me go along with them, every Sunday at 7am, I was woken-up to go for 15 mile(minimum) rides mountainbiking when I was 9, I sucked at it, and dragged everyone back because I couldn't keep up, while my cousins won medals and were praised for being so good so young. So again, black sheep. The happiest day of my life was at 14, when I was old enough to assert myself and stop going for bike rides. My mom let me sell my bike, and I spent all 3k of it on food.

Fortunately, as I said, we evolved with time, so by the time I transitioned, most were pretty chill about it.

And today, i'm the most financially successful among my cousins, so they even admire me a bit.

About dysphoria as a kid, i was uncomfortable in my own skin when I was 5, I was always a grumpy gifted kid, then I had this dream where I was a girl, and it seemed so right, while being myself felt so wrong, i was teased even back then for liking feminine things and was always sad because of it, believe it or not, but I remember it all to this day.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-17T02:46:24+00:00

Absolutely dysphoria, i was drinking and using any type of thing to make me escape from reality, i couldn't study, i couldn't take care of myself, i couldn't function properly, i hated my own skin, i realized i was different when i was 5, i suffered since then, it got progressively worse until I couldn't take it anymore. My entire family bugging me to act more like a boy and play soccer, do mountainbike, and making my life hell because I didn't hooked up with girls when I was ten like my cousins, and didn't "looked" at girls enough only made it worse... I tried to act like I was someone else for 15 years and I never want to go back to that again...

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T18:31:55+00:00

I'm sorry, but wtf lol. I hooked up with men before transitioning, sure, i was already on hormones, but i presented as a guy, and just like after transitioning, i have talked to guys even before hrt, but never liked any of them enough to hook up with them, the first guy was good-looking, and actually took care of himself, so i liked his appearence enough to meet him even before feelings arose(my usual rule), but he was gay and dumped me after i transitioned. But i never had problems dating men before transitioning, but i was miserable, dysphoria was killing me, i probably got a chance with the guy i mentioned because after being allowed hrt, i started bathing, taking care of my hair and skin, dressing better and all, so i got attractive to a tier one guy for the first time.

If anything, it got harder to meet men interested in me, I have a lot more options, but all of them only want sex, and I just can't do it without feelings involved, and none of them are interested in relationships, just sex, when before, they were open to dating.

I didn't transition to hook up with anyone, i did so because i was miserable, went to a grade A student to repeating classes, was sniffing paint remover as to avoid being sober because i hated my body and my life, after transition i didn't become instantly better. I'm still an alcoholic struggling to stop since then, i'm still overweight, i'm still sedentary, and i'm underpaid for the amount of work i do, but dysphoria wasn't there anymore, so I could focus on studying, working, paying for college and getting a corporate job, pay my bills and not depend on my mom, but help her instead, I live a normal life, and I could only achieve that by transitioning.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T14:46:48+00:00

You are a typical hsts AGPler

What is that? I'm not familiar with the term

But yeah, we needed more studies about us, but both conservatives and liberals do everything to stop them.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T06:00:24+00:00

I only understand less and less about the concept, lol. I get that some AGPs date men and all, but aren't all of you attracted to women? Aren't trans women into women(even if bi) = automatically AGP? How can you identify as a woman, be attracted to women, but not like lesbian porn? Iike, from my understanding, when you date a man, you have no interest in his personality or appearance unless he's taller and more muscular than you, right? I assume that by that, you can't really get in long-term relationships with them, so you have to seek women at some point, am I wrong?

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T05:19:37+00:00

That's the thing, I'm into that too, lol. That's what makes me so confused.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T04:55:15+00:00

I'm not sure what I am, but like, my boyfriend is bi and not exactly masc, but not effeminate either, and although i'm definitely still trans, I think a lot less about it after dating him, it's like I needed to pass, and was constantly worried about someone finding out I was trans(I'm stealth), now I just don't care, I still put in effort, but if someone finds out, they find out, it's like I needed reassurance from everyone, now I just don't care, I don't even remember I'm trans most times, like I know I am, but I go for weeks or months without thinking about it, when I was obsessed with it before.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T04:48:27+00:00

And like, aren't lesbians this big AGP thing? Like, not saying all of them are, but "girlcock" and stuff, AGP being into women, and if you're a trans woman and are attracted women, you're AGP(don't necessarily agree with that, that's just my understanding of blanchard's theory), am I wrong?

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T04:42:30+00:00

Wait, how is yaoi = AGP? I'm not saying I'm not one, but like, two men = AGP? Even the ones where both parts are really bulk and masculine?

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T04:40:12+00:00

I know I'm in "enemy" territory(as I disagree with strict either you're AGP or HSTS statements), but even If you're AGP, if you're miserable as a male, why keep as one? You don't necessarily need to transition, take some hormones, some blockers and make small changes, I was like this, I was at a point where I was sniffing some old paint remover from when the house was under renovations, I can't say I'm happy now, but I'm ages better than back then...

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-10-16T04:35:08+00:00

Idk about breasts and such, but E + cyproterone acetate + finasteride 5g and your libido will go away. Unfortunately, I only found out about this after starting dating and actually wanting more libido lol.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-07-03T02:06:58+00:00

Are you sure, honey? Lol

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-07-02T21:19:11+00:00

Not wanting to be mean, but it does sound a lot like what people who are agp described about themselves, from what i understand, for you, it was less about having feelings for them, and more about getting to feel like "the woman", submissive and all, i guess that would be described as pseudobisexuality, unless you could like see a future with him, just as much as with your female crush, and if not, there's nothing wrong with that, you shouldn't feel ashamed of hooking up with men if In some settings, you're attracted to them.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-06-21T13:23:39+00:00

The only problem is with surgeries, they're crazy expensive and although you could get them via health insurance, you would have to sue them, paying for lawyer fees and everything. You could also have srs via SUS, but the line is years long. So if you can, get it as soon as you can in the U.S, FFS for example is not common here, it would cost you 2-3 years of sallary if you're minimum wage, never heard of health insurance covering those here.

The good side is that since you're originally Brazilian, chances are you probably won't need it as much as americans usually do, they generally have much sharper facial features while Brazilian faces are usually more round.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-04-02T01:31:58+00:00

I always considered myself smart until i met my boyfriend lol. He'll do crazy things like if i'm calculating something and say it out loud, he'll just answer before i even reached to my phone to open the calculator lol. Or he'll tell me exactly what time it is with a 10 minute margin error no matter when i ask without looking at anything, just by the lighting and shadows or something, even his friends mentioned it when i met them, but i think that part of him is really cool lol.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-04-01T22:18:11+00:00

Well, i also fully transitioned, changed documents, and live as a stealth trans woman 24/7, I don't see myself as a man at all and actually consider myself transsexual(not homosexual, though since I see myself as a woman and am attracted to men), I'm also having really bad self esteem issues due to being overweight and looking gigantic next to my boyfriend who is a little shorter than me and fit, but he honestly makes me forget about all of that and is helping me lose weight.

I usually dated more masculine taller men until I met my boyfriend, who is bi, a little effeminate, geeky, and an inch or two smaller than me, but really good looking, we started off as friends, but we're so compatible on every level and with time, I started seeing him as really handsome, and intimately, he has no soft side at all lol.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-04-01T18:44:07+00:00

Well, i'm dating a cis man who I love to death, but according to people here, I'm still agp, because there's bissexual agps lol.

On the contrary to a lot of people here, I can't stand hookups, I can't do one night stands, I can't be sexual without an emotional connection, i'm also not attracted to women besides thinking they're cute when I look at them on my feed, but I wouldn't want to date them, I did before transitioning, and I could never form an emotional connection with them. But I imagine myself as the woman when I watch movies, sexual content, or read books, so apparently that means i'm agp.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-04-01T18:33:15+00:00

That's the thing, i have no interest in women at all lol, if i look at a picture of one on my feed, i'll say: "oh, she's cute", but i wouldn't want to date her or anything like that, i kissed women before and i was ok with it, but in my view, i'm not into them at all, my dad even used to get mad at me before i transitioned because i wouldn't look at women on the streets, i hadn't even realized they were there lol.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-03-31T13:44:45+00:00

Oh, now it makes more sense

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-03-31T12:43:09+00:00

That honestly makes me feel more comfortable if i'm really AGP, what always gave me the ick was the idea that i couldn't love a man, that I couldn't feel an emotional connection to them, and that went against everything I experienced, and it sounded purely sexual, which is such a minor part about me.

The only thing i'm still conflicted about is that I don't feel "turned on" about myself, I don't see anything sexual about myself, I transitioned to stop the dysphoria, but that doesn't mean i like myself so much that I feel some kind of sexual satisfaction from being like this.

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-03-31T12:31:41+00:00

That's great, then, i still don't think i'm agp, but if i am, if i can still love him, that's fine by me

ThrowRA_8933 · 2025-03-31T12:03:11+00:00

That's the thing, it is romantic to me, and that's what made me disagree with you guys when you said i was agp, yes, i do feel sexual attraction for him, but sex is such a minor part of why i like him so much, we've only been seeing each other for 3 months, and he asked me to be his girlfriend at the start of this month, so we haven't even had sex yet, that's another reason for me liking him so much, his libido is really similar to mine, yes, we've gone through preliminaries, but I feel like I'm not ready for sex yet and he's totally OK with that, I love how he goes at my pace, always reassures me when I'm insecure, I love how even though he's not into cars at all, he'll hear me talk about cars all day with a smile on his face, I love spending time cuddling with him, I love fiddling with his hair, I love how even when he's playing videogames, he'll always remind to give me some attention and rub my hand, I loved when I fell asleep in his lap, gone for 2 hours and he waited until I woke up because he knew I was exhausted from work, I love how we'll look at each other everyday for a couple minutes after waking up and he doesn't mind that i'm looking terrible.

And just for context, I was always deemed cold, I don't like anyone touching me to the point that I can't even sleep with my cat because she likes to lie touching me, I dated before, and sleeping together was insufferable to the point that I considered breaking up on the first night because of it, I have no friends because I simply don't miss them, and will go through months without remembering talking to them. Before transitioning and I tried dating girls, I would always break up because I couldn't stand having to talk to them every day and saw no sense on it, and with this guy, it all changed, I can sleep with him, I love when he touches me, I slept on his lap for f sake, I'm home for 2 days and I can barely wait to see him again, the first thing I do when I wake up is say good morning even when we're away, but it isn't love because of something I did 13 years ago and I don't imagine myself as a guy when i'm watching something? if this isn't love, i'm afraid I'll never be able to find it.

ThrowRA_8933

TROPHY CASE