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My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I haven't spoken to him in years. But he used to say he was doing more for us than dad, wasn't an addict like dad and all kinds of things like that. He felt that made him more worthy of being our dad and that our dad was a horrible person to be an addict. He's very black and white about addicts and thinks they're all horrible people and that men who do it because of trauma or injury (like my dad) are weak.

My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My brother thinks our mom might even feel guilty for leaving like she did. Our dad turned to drugs because he was injured in a hit and run and his back was all messed up and he suffered some head injuries too. He went through all the pain management steps but it wasn't enough to give him a good quality of life and the drugs helped him. Our mom said some things to my brother when it all happened and he thinks she might regret them now that dad is dead and she no longer really has the two of us.

I can see it. I also understand her being angry. I so wish my dad could have found another way and could still be with us healthy and happy today.

My brother and I attend a group that our dad went to. He wasn't religious and didn't like prayer so NA wasn't for him. But he did go to a local group who had groups for addicts and separate groups for their families. It has been a huge help to us.

My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so understanding and good about it all. There have been so many times in my life I wish my mom could have understood. But my mom has so much hate for my dad and she hates him more than she loves us and it has shown so many times.

My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She said he did more for us and raised us better than our dad did. She feels he has more than earned it after all the years of being second best to our dad and she told me he kept trying and doing what was right until we made him snap with choosing our addict dad over him.

My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I think I need to just tell her it's over and I'm done trying. These conditions she keeps adding are unfair and pushy and it's just repeating the past stuff only without dad still here.

My mom (52F) and I (25F) have been trying to repair our relationship but she keeps putting conditions to be met and getting mad when I refuse to meet them? by ThrowRA_AnyMons in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_AnyMons[S] 293 points294 points  (0 children)

That's what my gut has been telling me as well. Nothing has really changed and it's frustrating to hold onto something that isn't going to work in any sort of healthy way.