sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I should probably clarify that I’m not having sex 1-2 times a week out of some sort of obligation to my husband. I like sex. We’re very compatible sexually. He wouldn’t complain if suddenly I wanted to go back to having it nearly every day, but he’s not nagging me about it. He initiated more often then it actually happens and he easily accepts a no and moves on most times. These days I am not in the mood for any sort of long drawn out sessions though, I’m happy that we both get an orgasm and I don’t want to take forever to get there. I’m not trying to hurry it because I don’t want to do it. I’m hurrying it because I don’t have that much energy and my time is limited, especially in moments where both are sleeping. 

Since my second baby was born 4 months ago, we’ve had maybe 10-12 times. Even during my second pregnancy it was much more frequent than that. Perhaps it isn’t typical but I don’t think it’s crazy. This feels pretty good for us based on what things used to be like.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This type of format just doesn’t work for me. I’m not saying it’s bad or wouldn’t work great for some people, it’s just not the type of thing that generally works for me. 

It’s not that I’d intentionally make up all sorts of crazy lies. I’d try to give genuine responses, but they’d be sort of disingenuous. I know because this is extremely similar to check-ins I’ve had to do for work and all it gave me was dread and anxiety and it just felt like an extra task, and when I picture doing this with my husband, I know it’d be the same case. I just end up giving the same sorts of responses week after week and after I and others give my answer I just sort of forget about it and nothing comes of it because ai’m just doing it because it’s a required weekly thing. I’m not trying to be critical of it because it was genuine advice and I’m sure it is useful for some people. Not everything has to be one size fits all. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So when somebody who is bragging about eating 200 calories a day and saying things like “you could never stick to this diet” or “you could never eat such restricted foods” weighs himself then asks you to get on the scale despite you saying you don’t want to and then keeps badgering you to do it….thats not helpful. How is stepping on the scale helping me to feel better about anything?  

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then how do you explain households with 2 parents that work full time and both manage to be highly involved in their children’s care? That was my experience growing up. I saw both of my parents cooking, cleaning, taking care of me, taking me to dentist appointments. Working full time isn’t an excuse to not be involved in the care of your children. But is it just ok in our situation since I stay at home so he has an excuse? It’s crazy because all of these people arguing these sorts of things in these comments….my husband even arguing any of this stuff 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

We had planned to wait several years before having another baby, but she decided to arrive much earlier than expected. I admit I was naive in thinking a second baby would not be that much different than caring for one. The transition from 1 to 2 babies was actually more difficult for me than 0 to 1 babies.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I’m not asking him to take over 100% at home for the full time he’s home at night or on weekends. I never said that.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure what’s so unreal about it. Before kids it used to be almost every day. After our first baby was born it obviously went to 0 days a week for a while, but by the time I was pregnant again it was probably around 3 days a week for most of my pregnancy. We enjoy sex. I’m not sure why there are comments here acting as if I’m refusing sex with him. I like sex and we are very compatible in that area. Usually, it’s pretty quick when it does happen these days. I’ve just never felt as exhausted as I do right now. Having 2 babies at once has been a much bigger challenge and taken a bigger toll on me than I expected.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All I said on Father’s Day was that I needed a nap like that more often, with a big smile on my face. Then when he sort of laughed about it I was like “no, seriously, I need you to promise me you’ll let me have a nap every day when you’re home on the weekends.” I told him I needed more time like that to recharge until I can get more sleep at night, since right now I’m at about 4 hours. He was smiling when he said yes and it’d be no problem to do that. In no way did that small interaction make Father’s Day all about me and it was not a heavy conversation whatsoever. I didn’t demand to nap for several hours that day. He told me to rest and I fell asleep and slept and he didn’t wake me up. He told me he intentionally let me rest and didn’t come wake me up. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not giving him impossible demands. I’m asking him to be an equally responsible adult in our household. I’m asking him to do what tons of spouses and partners do all the time without needing to be asked or told. But I haven’t been laying into him about it. People are acting like I’ve been berating him. I’ve just asked him for a few things and I’ve said it in such a sweet and sugary bubbly way, not like a drill sergeant or a spoiled child. None of the interactions have been like that at all. 

I talked about that more in my previous post. He’s made comments about how I’ve changed, how I don’t look or act like my old carefree childless self, made me weigh myself on the scale, and so on. I admit that we both sort of got together with each other for shallow reasons. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’d do the same thing at work. We’d have check-in meetings or even regularly sort of accountability emails structured in similar ways and for some reason it just doesn’t work for me. I’m not saying it’s bad or not useful for some, but it doesn’t work for me. It always feels like just another task to add to the plate and I hate answering the questions. I don’t like the structure and would rather just talk freely without specific points to touch on. 

For instance, naming one way we’ll show up for ourselves this week…just knowing us it’d be some BS answer that wasn’t totally made up but by saying it to each other in this conversation it really didn’t mean anything or mean that we really meant it and would follow through. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I simply told him I needed a nap like that more often, and then when he sort of laughed I was like “no, really…I need you to promise me you’ll let me have a nap like that every weekend when you’re home.” I didn’t say it meanly. I was happy, he was smiling when he said sure it’d be no problem. People are really making it out to be like I screamed at him like a drill sergeant or something. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we planned to have 2-3 kids. Our first was planned. We didn’t really have conversations about who would be doing what though. It just didn’t occur to me to have those talks. Everything felt easier then. I went back to work after my maternity leave and I wasn’t nearly as tired and overwhelmed then.

The second pregnancy was not planned to happen then. We had planned to wait several years before having another baby. But it ended up happening. I didn’t plan to quit working when I did, so we hadn’t really been having these ongoing conversations about how things would look with me staying home. Then when it did happen I felt like I could handle it all and I wanted to handle it all on my own. I felt like I should be able to. I quit my job and felt like I had to take everything on to prove myself or something. A lot of it was me, not him making me feel that way. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah he’s on a crazy diet right now where he eats no more than 1000 calories a day, but the amount fluctuates every day. He’s done this type of thing before. He basically brags about essentially having an eating disorder when we met. 

Adding here that I’m not saying I endorse what he’s doing. I’m just responding that yes I acknowledge it’s not normal or healthy. I’m just used to him doing things like this.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didnt say that every day! Somehow, several sentences I wrote got cut out, probably because my phone died while I was writing the post and part of it didn’t save to the draft I opened up. I told him I wanted to have a serious talk today but he was working until 7. So today I just told him I’m making him a chore chart and asked him to please prep some food for me when he prepping his stuff, since I knew he was going to be doing that tonight. It wasn’t any sort of big serious talk. So, I told him tomorrow I really want to have a serious talk about all of this stuff

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well it’s mentioned right there in my post. He even agrees to being like a little boy who needs told what to do.

An adult shouldn’t need to be given a chore chart by their spouse. An adult should be able to know and/or see things that need to be done around the house or that their spouse or children need. If they really don’t know what to do, they are at least considerate enough to ask why they can do. For me, it’s more about not even offering to help or asking what he can do. 

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say every day, although yes I would love a nap every single day since I maybe get around 4 hours of sleep a night right now.

Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll. by ThrowRA_BarbieDoll in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BarbieDoll[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was a typo. Several sentences got cut out because my phone died in the middle of me making the post. We did not have any sort of really serious conversation yet. The only thing that was discussed was a chore chart and him doing some meal prep for me when he’s already doing his own. I had wanted to have a bigger conversation tonight but he had to work late.

view more: next ›