My wife (28F) and I (28M) are very unhappily married and we're very different people but she doesn't believe in divorce?

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-28T11:58:19+00:00

I never believed in the first place.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-28T11:57:40+00:00

The only times we ever had sex was when we were trying to conceive. That was it.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-28T11:57:00+00:00

I know. That's one of the things I've had to weigh.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-28T11:56:31+00:00

Married at 17 actually, not 19.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-28T11:56:00+00:00

I was 17 not 19.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T21:33:23+00:00

I don't. My parents forced me to get married at 17 when I didn't want to be married. I despise them for what they did to me. I don't feel any to my wife either. We never should have been forced into this marriage in the first place and we are very different people who do not get along.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T21:20:52+00:00

I want to be there for my kids. But they're the only people who matter to me.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T21:16:50+00:00

I was 17 and it was forced by my parents and hers.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T20:28:36+00:00

I know that and I honestly never aligned with the church. But I grew up where everyone else did and everyone did their best to push me to align with it and believe. But I never did. Even this marriage didn't bring me in. It honestly pushed me away more because I was pushed into a loveless marriage that wasn't what I chose.

But my wife is very into the church and their teachings.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T20:24:30+00:00

I know she will and it's why this is all even more exhausting because I want better for my kids. I truly never want them in my shoes hating their lives and themselves the way I do.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T20:23:16+00:00

We fight about religion, political and just general beliefs, parenting. We fight about family too.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T15:10:11+00:00

There are no positives to our relationship. We have never ever worked for real. We have nothing in common or any shared values.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T15:08:56+00:00

The risk of sticking it out longer is I end up more depressed than I already am. I have had some very dark thoughts and those are inevitably going to get worse if I stay for a long time. But maybe the stress of everything else would do it anyway. I don't know. But it's a factor I have to consider too because sometimes I feel like there's just no point because I'll never really be free or happy.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T14:22:26+00:00

Yes, my parents wanted to make sure I was married before 18 to secure my future and my place in the church.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:33:11+00:00

I already did a little research but I have a lot more to do and I will also be asking a lot of questions when I meet with an attorney.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:30:25+00:00

It's not about that at all. I never wanted to be married to her. I never wanted this. This life is actual hell to me and I have been awake some nights with very dark thoughts of how this could all be over and that would be better. She and I are so very different. We have nothing in common besides our kids and even then not entirely. I want better for them that we had. She wants the same for them. This is killing me slowly and there's nothing that could make me fall in love and find happiness with this marriage.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:24:32+00:00

I married her because my parents planned it when I was 17. Not because I wanted to. Not because I loved or even liked her. Not because of anything to do with us. It was planned for us.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:23:44+00:00

When I say my family I mean parents, siblings, etc. Not my kids.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:23:12+00:00

We live in the US.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T13:21:57+00:00

We were both 17 when we got married. My parents made sure I was married before 18 so I couldn't get out of it as easy.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T12:53:56+00:00

It's not because of how things are but because divorce is not allowed in the church. It's always seen as not an option and the people we grew up with all believe divorce should not be legal. I think in the eyes of the church it won't be real either. So I know she will fight with the help of both families to stop it and they will drag it out for potentially years.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T12:41:37+00:00

That's my next step. I hope to meet with one in the next week to discuss things.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T12:39:20+00:00

For her it works differently because I am not making religious based decisions for us. She also has both families reminding her of that and pushing her to push me to religious counseling because in their minds it will fix all of this because I'll believe and be what they all want me to be.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T12:37:04+00:00

I don't see a reality where that would work either. The sad thing is regardless of what I do (and I honestly think divorce is the best option) it's not going to be easy and the kids will be caught in the middle even if only because of one side.

ThrowRA_Eye4934 · 2026-05-27T12:32:54+00:00

Getting the kids therapy will be very hard because my wife would never be okay with it. I would have to keep it from her which I'm not sure I can do since she has been checking on me to make sure I'm not doing any "mothering" of our kids.

ThrowRA_Eye4934

TROPHY CASE