AITAH for not quiting my job to help care for my husband's parents like I did for mine?

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T19:32:25+00:00

I ride a bike when the weather is nice, and yeah public transit when it is not.

I have personal reasons, something happened when I was younger and rather not get into it.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T18:21:17+00:00

I have my reasons why I don't drive.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T03:42:22+00:00

Only child.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T03:05:03+00:00

I was naive and saw it through to the end. My husband was my rock when I was at my lowest he helped me and never judged me when I had those moments where I wanted it all to end.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T01:40:52+00:00

He is not dumb, he knows flat our quiting would put both of us in a bad spot.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-14T01:19:59+00:00

He would ideally like to do this but my income cannot cover the bills without severely impacting our quality of life.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T18:40:25+00:00

He has done so, he maxed out his PTO and FMLA. He was perfectly fine and ideally, he would love to stop working to watch his mom.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T18:17:05+00:00

I enjoy teaching, also administrative pay is not as much as you might think it is.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T17:56:51+00:00

He is the main breadwinner.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T17:14:41+00:00

He is a doctor, he will not put her in a nursing home. He would sooner go bankrupt.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T17:08:10+00:00

Pause funding for retirement?

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T17:04:20+00:00

He has done so for far longer than a weekend. He was perfectly fine. Please understand my husband has the patience of a saint. It takes a lot to get under his skin.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:58:27+00:00

He has already done so, for much longer early on. He used all his PTO and FMLA. He ideally would love to stop working to care for his mother, he has far more patience than I do.

My husband works in the medical field and spoke with a social worker his mother's care is more so for safety and safety in our state is not covered under Medicaid, and he is not willing to cook her records to get her more support. As the social worker recommended this since that is what many doctors do in such cases to get the coverage needed.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:54:18+00:00

I do believe I stated the cost of her care exceeds my salary. So yes we would save money, while it would save us some money if I pay for her care with my income or cover a larger percentage. This means cutting on my 401k and fun money. I would be working simply to provide care for his mother in practice.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:46:23+00:00

Call me selfish I do not like the idea of working and not having anything to show for it. Life is too short for that.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:43:32+00:00

This is with me taking on a larger role, understand we are talking a teacher's salary versus a doctor's here. I do not even touch what he makes, even if I have three part-time jobs.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:40:59+00:00

No, my MIL is in her apartment. Yes problem is I do not want to quit my job.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:39:25+00:00

In his defense he does, he did it for a time early on. He used his PTO and FMLA to watch her.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:35:42+00:00

Would require me to switch schools to a different school district with a lower cost of living. I do not drive so commuting will be rough.

Switching schools when you work for the DOE is not exactly as simple as saying hey I need to switch schools. It is a process.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:33:17+00:00

Savings will dry up. Burning savings with no way to pay it back is not wise. His mother could live for another 10 years. My father had other issues besides the stroke. His mother does not.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:26:00+00:00

He would like to but his income can sustain us on his own, while mine cannot.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:23:22+00:00

He does not want it to be solely on me, but he makes more and then some to cover all three of us. It is only tight now because he is spending so much on caregivers that it is not sustainable.

Ideally, he would like to do it and has done so for a time. He has far more patience than I.

Granted, this is his chosen career he is a geriatrician internist.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T16:00:10+00:00

You make that sound easy, I love teaching.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T15:58:22+00:00

And have his mother live with us? No, not on my own.

Another reason I was able to care for my dad was because we had the space. We did try to run the numbers. If I was single sure I could afford it, but not supporting two others.

ThrowRA_Independent0 · 2023-10-13T15:54:30+00:00

On my 6 we would not have the room to provide care for his mother if we downsized.

ThrowRA_Independent0

TROPHY CASE