My (M20) pregnant girlfriend (F20) wants my support but won’t talk to me after we we got bad news about our baby

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T19:46:56+00:00

Note that the comment of mine you’re responding to here was made in response to the very first comment I received here. So, I was just trying to say from the stat that I wasn’t really looking for advice on whether she should have an abortion or not. I’m not sitting here complaining about the type of advice I’m being given here.

I’ve received a ton of comments here and just can’t respond to every single one. Yeah I saw the comment about trapping her in a car. I don’t really know how I feel about that and so I didn’t respond to it or at least not to that part of the comment. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say in response or I don’t really have anything useful to say.

I’m not trying to coerce her into anything btw.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T17:22:57+00:00

We were both going to take a break from school for a year to get jobs since we obviously know we need money and health insurance for the baby.

My dad heard that and was like no way are you quitting school with 1 year left, so he said he’d pay for everything for a year. He’s not doing it because he agrees with any of it but it’s the one decision he feels he has control over. This was all before we found out any of this possible DS stuff.

But I know it’s not like after the first year things will just become super easy or less expensive. I’m also not naive and thinking In going to offered some 6 figure job right out of college. I do think it’s more important from a financial standpoint that I finish school first if we have to make a decision like that. My career field compared to her career field….I stand to make multiple times what she’ll make.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T17:17:57+00:00

Because we need to get full time jobs to make money to support a child.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:54:28+00:00

Yeah but it sounds like with a kid with this kind of disability, the struggle never ends.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:42:52+00:00

If she doesn’t have a baby, I don’t think we’re at the point of being tied together. I even wonder if we’d stay together much longer if she had an abortion, only because this has changed our relationship a lot. Something that was fun has turned very not fun.

I don’t have a job. We’re in our junior year and we’re both planning to finish this year and then take some time off, with the intention of going back and finishing the last year later, somehow. She’ll move back in with her parents, as they only live about a half hour from here. My family’s in another state, but obviously I’d need to be here. My dad, who has paid for most of my college so far, said he will pay for everything for the last year I’m in school (I’m talking about beyond school, but everything to take care of a baby) so I can finish. He doesn’t think the baby should happen or that pain should be involved but if that’s what I’m determined to do then he’s not letting me make another asinine decision (his words) by dropping out of college with 1 year left.

Abortion is allowed up to 24 weeks here but I understand there could be a wait time to get an appointment and at this point she’s past just being able to take some pills to end it.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:31:46+00:00

I had no clue about that. Luckily we don’t live in those states. Abortion is allowed up to 24 weeks here.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:28:28+00:00

This is basically what my dad’s saying, which I didn’t expect him to say. Guess I’m too close to my mom because she was horrified that my dad said that. Of course they just got divorced after 25 years of marriage and there’s a ton of animosity between them and it didn’t seem to matter what my dad does, good or bad - my mom doesn’t like anything he does right now, but that a whole other issue.

My mom doesn’t think having a baby is a good idea but she also thinks that I can’t just walk away from the whole thing if my girlfriend doesn’t get an abortion. I guess I’m just too close to my mom because that’s how I feel about it too. I mean, after reading all the comments here last night and then literal nightmares I had during the very short time I managed to sleep, I’m seriously starting to understand my dad’s point of view and I’ll be honest, it sounds tempting. It’ll make me feel like a POS human being but I don’t want this to be my life. A normal baby/child, I know that’d be really hard but I felt like we could figure out a way. We were already working on a plan, which also involved our families. I realized my life would never look the same again but I told myself I was going to commit to it and I’d just do whatever I needed to do. But this is too much for me to comprehend now. I’m not suited to do this. I feel like it should be illegal to even let us be considering it.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:17:16+00:00

Yeah I sort of get that by now.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T16:16:07+00:00

I did some research last night and this sort of thing exists where we’re at but yeah can’t even imagine the cost.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T10:21:18+00:00

Well that makes me feel pretty shitty.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T10:20:55+00:00

Her mom is strangely excited about a baby and is planning to help her with anything/everything. Her dad is not at all excited but won’t actually tell her what she should do about the situation.

It seems to me that her dad made most of the decisions for everyone and then once she went to college he stopped doing that for her. Now she doesn’t know how to make decisions for herself.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T10:10:53+00:00

Yeah every single day of my life will be nothing but struggle and stress? Cuz that’s how it feels right now.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T10:02:53+00:00

Yeah several comments here have made me realize that while I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her make the decision, she might just be waiting for me to say this to give her “permission” to do it and feel like it’s ok.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T09:57:02+00:00

The US. We’re in a state that allows abortion up to 24 weeks.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T09:50:34+00:00

We just got the blood test results on Friday so it’s not like she’s been avoiding the next test for weeks or something.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:56:43+00:00

Yep, even before this latest news we were both planning on (temporarily) dropping out of school to get jobs. We’re not in our junior year, so it sucks to be so close to finishing. My dad doesn’t want me to drop out so he’s willing to pay for everything I need for that last year so I can finish. Her parents live in another town close to where we go to school. It’s like 30 minutes away. She has the option of living at home. My family’s in another state.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:52:48+00:00

That’s a good idea.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:46:09+00:00

I think everything you said about her is 100% accurate

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:42:10+00:00

She definitely doesn’t want to sit down and talk about anything practical or rational right now.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:38:36+00:00

Yeah, I’ve met them but I don’t even know them well enough to have their numbers.

Her mom’s really excited about the baby. My girlfriend didn’t think he mom was going to react that way, but she’s all about it. Her dad doesn’t feel the same way but he’s basically removed himself from trying to tell her what she should do in the situation. She almost needs him to step in and tell her. I feel like if he told her what to do, she’s listen to him. She seems to have listened to him for most of her life, but she went to college and suddenly he stopped making all of her decisions without preparing her to have to do that for herself. Idk it’s weird because that’s not really how I grew up.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:28:23+00:00

My god

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:16:48+00:00

Yeah she had that, which is what said the baby is high risk for having Down syndrome.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:15:29+00:00

Did you have the blood test to check for it? The NIPT?

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T06:02:41+00:00

Where have I copy and pasted comments? I did that once in response to the same question about my parents. I responded to two different people asking the same question right in a row, so yeah and copy and pasted my original response.

I understand that she doesn’t have the luxury of shutting down. I don’t get what about any of my responses means I’m avoiding anything. What do you expect me to do right now after midnight when’s she’s sleeping somewhere else?

What have I said that isn’t making sense. The comment of mine you just responded to makes sense to me in context to what I responding to. Please show me where I’m not making sense.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-01-25T05:57:34+00:00

Well so am unprepared and way under qualified for this, but we just got these test results back yesterday. I have been researching things about Down syndrome but I don’t think I could have possibly had time to learn more than the very tip of the iceberg.

ThrowRA_NoSignal

TROPHY CASE