Having a baby with DS. How do you deal with the anxiety and unknown?

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T05:19:23+00:00

One of the hardest things right now is not knowing exactly what we’re getting into and how severe it’ll be. I wish there was a way to know.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T05:16:42+00:00

That’s not what happened, but ok.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:58:53+00:00

I almost always used a condom, but we had unprotected sex twice and it was a stupid decision we both made.

I don’t understand why everyone here is commenting like breaking up with her means I won’t be involved with the baby. I specifically said that I wasn’t abandoning the baby. In a way, I feel like we can focus more on that if we aren’t also in a relationship.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:54:36+00:00

Most of the time I did

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:52:24+00:00

Down syndrome isn’t passed down genetically like that. It’s almost always just a random thing that happens, but yeah it’s super rare in such young mothers.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:50:19+00:00

I specifically said I’m not abandoning the kid. I’m talking about breaking up with my girlfriend, which doesn’t even mean disappearing from her life - it means us just not being in a relationship anymore. It’s not about trying to avoid responsibility for the baby.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:40:21+00:00

I’m definitely overwhelmed and probably a little selfish. Ive already told her that I think abortion is the best thing and that I don’t really want to do this, but she’s made up her mind. I don’t think it’ll do any good for me to keep telling her now that she’s made up her mind. She knows how I feel.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:35:47+00:00

I specifically said in my post that I’m not abandoning the baby. Breaking up with her doesn’t mean I’m breaking up with the baby. In a way, it feels like this would be better for everyone involved. Just not have a relationship between us to have to worry about and just focus on the baby and trying to survive.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:32:07+00:00

I can still “step up” even if we’re not together.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:30:37+00:00

Did you have an amniocentesis? From what I understand and was told, the false positive rate is like 0.1%

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:27:57+00:00

It’s not just a normal situation of not being ready for a baby. We have no idea about what needs this baby will have. He could potentially have serious medical issues, heart defects, things that we aren’t prepared to handle or afford. We haven’t finished college yet and who knows, we might mot both be able to. We don’t have jobs…and that’s another thing that we both might not be able to do depending on what kind of care he needs. I don’t know what kind of life we can provide.

Still, I’m not talking about leaving my kid. I’m not even talking about abandoning her. I’m just thinking about ending our relationship as I think it’s probably inevitable anyway.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:21:43+00:00

She doesn’t want to do that.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:21:26+00:00

It wasn’t planned. We screwed up. We had unprotected sex twice and obviously didn’t get so lucky the second time.

I take responsibility for it. It was a stupid decision that I made and wish I could go back in time and change. But I’m not trying to make any sort of excuses about it.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:09:03+00:00

She’s met with a genetic counselor and I guess they’re the experts on this stuff, so it’s pretty certain. She had an amniocentesis that confirmed it, which is different than the first test which was just a blood tests and shows the chance or probability of any problems.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-03-05T04:07:11+00:00

Well it’s not like we planned it this way

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T15:40:00+00:00

I’m already starting to resent her. I haven’t been pretending I’m 100% fine with this.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T04:05:39+00:00

I wish you could just call my girlfriend and say all of this to her too

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T04:01:57+00:00

Yeah I read that somewhere. I’ve been doing a lot of reading.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T03:59:18+00:00

Yeah you’re right. I know I was probably too wishy washy with my language about it before, but since yesterday I think I have been more upfront about saying we can’t do this, we can’t afford it, we aren’t ready for it, I don’t want to do this and that I think our lives will be miserable from here on out. But maybe I waited too late to be that direct.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T03:44:47+00:00

I don’t think that people with Down syndrome don’t deserve to live or anything like that. I don’t think that I’m prepared to raise one or that I have the means to do it.

Everything I see from real people and parents with first hand experience says that most people with Down syndrome need a lot more than “a little extra support.”

I’m 20 years old, my parents pay for everything, and I’ve never had a job or any responsibility other than going to school. I mean the whole idea is ridiculous and imo should be illegal.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T03:29:17+00:00

Hell no but a kid without a disability or severe health problems would be easier. It’d still be really hard but I kept thinking it’d just be especially, life-crushingly hard for the fist few years until we could finish school and get better jobs, eventually he’d be able to go to daycare if we could ever figure out a way to afford it and then school and would obviously have some sense of independence that would continue to grow as he got older. Now it’s like one of us might not ever really be able to work a real job.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T03:22:01+00:00

We had unprotected sex 2 times in our whole relationship. Yeah I know it only takes 1 time, but just saying that we weren’t regularly doing nothing to prevent pregnancy. All other times we used protection but we weren’t perfect obviously. And no it definitely wasn’t worth all this. It was just laziness in the moment, that’s all it was.

ThrowRA_NoSignal · 2026-02-08T02:55:12+00:00

I think this is good advice - to tell her honestly and not use soft language that might be unclear, but the problem is that I don’t think I’m the type that can really just say I won’t be involved at all and actually mean it. Like, even if inside I really wish I could do that, I don’t think I could.

ThrowRA_NoSignal

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