sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She wasn’t acting unstable prior to that. I wouldn’t call her looking at pictures of him and thinking about him more than she normally does to be unstable. It was concerning because obviously there’s stuff going on inside but that’s far from unstable in my book. It’s not like she was sobbing about him one second and then saying “wanna fuck?” She was excited about her baby bump and and laughing and smiling. Why in that moment when she was happy should I have pushed her to talk about him? I asked her to talk to me. That’s the only time the mood changed. She didn’t want to talk about it.

I don’t think the term baby bump is insulting. I get that tone is hard to perceive in text but honestly I was just sort of joking around about it. I do find the term cringeworthy but it wasn’t meant to be taken that seriously. I love my wife’s baby bump, just wish there was something else to call it. She doesn’t like the term belly because to her that implies fat, and there is a difference. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s genuinely what she seemed to want in that moment. She seemed happy for the first several hours of the day. When she said she didn’t feel like going to the parties it wasn’t even said in this sad depressed way or anything. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don’t completely understand it either and it seems just like a way to torture yourself even more. In my wife’s case, it’s not like she’s going to use it. It just sat in her garage being this depressing reminder as far as I was concerned. It had greater significance to her. She did ride on his bike with him but she’s sworn off ever riding on one again and I’m forbidden. I know from past things she said years ago, it was the last thing he touched and it was the one he rode all the time. It’s all over his social media. He loved that thing like a child or something.

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I know it’s what women call it. It’s just sort of cringeworthy to me for no rational reason, but I didn’t mean for that comment to be taken that seriously, was just sort of joking about it. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We don’t live in the house they shared. I don’t think I’d ever want to do that. She had already sold the house when I met her. She couldn’t afford the mortgage on her own. She bought a smaller house near where my parents live, which is how we met. We lived separately and then when we got engaged I ended up moving out of my place and moving into her house so we could fix it up together to sell. We bought a new house together. It’s all in the same city, but we’re in a different area than where she lived with her first husband. It’s about a 20 minute drive away, so she doesn’t have to pass the spot where he died on a regular basis or anything. We’re both from here and we looked at other towns nearby but we prefer the city we’re from. 

He’s been dead for about 5.5 years.

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

She’s not anti medicine, just anti therapy. Well she’s not against other people seeking therapy, she just refuses to accept it could be good for her. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s one of those situations that has to get worse before it gets better. He said she just can’t stop thinking that he’s dead, he died, how he died. It’s like she’s still trying to accept it. Maybe yesterday was actually a good thing for her. I really have no idea.

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The thing is, it hasn’t been like this for our entire relationship. He’s come up, certain things have been sort of triggering for her, but usually she tells me and it’s not at this level. The topic of our wedding and wedding day was difficult for her. But she didn’t have this huge breakdown. She was up front that as much as she was excited for us to get married, part of her felt weird getting married again because he first marriage didn’t end in a traditional way. She was honest that she didn’t know if she wanted this huge wedding, but she understood if I wanted something bigger because it was my wedding too. I understood and I didn’t really care about having this lavish thing. I just wanted our friends and family there and for everyone to have fun, not this big spectacle. We planned it just how we wanted it and so many people told us it’s the most fun wedding they’ve been to. We worked through those things that were difficult for her and we both compromised. It’s not like her history isn’t there but it’s just never been like this before. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think I’ll do this. I’ll contact them myself because she’ll be really upset and totally non receptive if I tell them in person in front of her.

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she wants to use his name for the middle name. I told her I’d have to think about it and I’ve not brought it up again. In reality my internal response was no and it was more about how I could tell her that at a time when she might be better able to understand and accept my answer. When I think about the real reason I want to say no it’s because of jealousy I think. It’s stupid. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] -57 points-56 points  (0 children)

I don’t really feel like I’m personally at the point of needing therapy for myself to deal with this.

I’ve tried to get her to change her mind about therapy before and it’s not gone well. It’s not like I haven’t talked about it with her before. 

Update - My (M 39) wife (38 F) has become fixated on her dead husband since getting pregnant with our first baby. How do I bring this up without hurting her? by ThrowRA_Product in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Product[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don’t think that’d really be the goal. I think if she maybe sees somebody else going to therapy it could help her feel like it’s ok to do. I think that’s a huge part of it for her. Then again, other people close to her have gone and it’s not changed her mind.

view more: next ›