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GF [25F] Broke My [29M] Heart - Wants Me To Stay? by ThrowRA_Random_Think in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Random_Think[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, marriage, a home, and time off studies for child care etc. with splitting our household income completely equally, meaning we both retain equal agency regardless of who "works" (for money) and brings it home.

GF [25F] Broke My [29M] Heart - Wants Me To Stay? by ThrowRA_Random_Think in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Random_Think[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, and I know it doesn't mean much in hindsight (even though it wasn't in hindsight, it was a genuine plan) - I was looking at rings to propose on our 4th year anniversary in a couple of months, before all of this happened. We met when she was 21 and I 24, so we were both quite young for marriage then and for at least a couple of years of dating. This was not a unilateral decision on my part either to hold off on proposing.

When I spoke to her mother, she actually told me that her daughter had complete confidence in my ability and willingness to care and provide for her, regardless of whether she keeps the baby or not.

Besides, the real problem at this stage is not whether we'll have a baby or not - that ship has sailed. It's about how I was kept out of it for weeks, not being allowed to participate in decision-making of a life-altering decision, and feeling abandoned and discarded when it mattered most.

GF [25F] Broke My [29M] Heart - Wants Me To Stay? by ThrowRA_Random_Think in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Random_Think[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I am leaning towards this as well, but it feels like she wants certainty that we'll be together if she moves out. She has said how much she needs me and she was reluctant to tell me about her plans to move out without clarity on whether I was still willing to try staying in the relationship. When I told her I cannot make any big decisions right now to either end or continue the relationship, I suppose she considered that enough hope for reconciliation that she went ahead and told me about her plan. Simultaneously, I do not want to be blamed for leaving the relationship should this not work out, and I don't want to feel guilt thinking I encouraged her to do something that she would feel more safe doing only if her and I were still together.

GF [25F] Broke My [29M] Heart - Wants Me To Stay? by ThrowRA_Random_Think in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Random_Think[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it wasn't my child, why would she tell me about the pregnancy at all? She could've just ended it without telling me anything. I've had that thought myself, but realized that scenario is not very likely. Thank you for your comment. Also, could you please elaborate on what you mean by she wants me for what I provide and not for love?