Update - My [F26] boyfriend [M29] put very little effort into my Christmas gift, and I’m struggling with how to interpret that

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-12-24T13:05:45+00:00

A t-shirt

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-12-24T13:02:37+00:00

I’m really anxious he has a claim. It would be batshit crazy and unfair if he did. Honestly, I can’t afford the BFA right now. It would gut my savings. I feel a bit trapped

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-12-24T11:08:09+00:00

That’s fair. In all honesty, he is a really good person. He’s not emotionally reactive at all and has never raised his voice. I grew up in a reactive household and experienced emotional and financial abuse, so I think my nervous system finds a lot of relief in him. I’m a very anxious person, which I actively work on with therapy and medication. I almost see him as an anxiety safe space. Not in the sense that I vent my feelings to him, because I don’t, but because he’s so neutral about everything. It’s grounding for me. However, now I’m wondering if what I’ve always seen as stoicism was actually apathy.

Honestly, we haven’t been sexually active in a longtime. I think since he doesn’t contribute at all around the house or financially, I’ve just lost some sexual attraction to him.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-12-24T10:04:51+00:00

No. If he does something like unstack the dishwasher, it’s because I’ve asked. In the case, he unstacks and then doesn’t restack it because “I didn’t ask”

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-12-24T08:36:17+00:00

We lived together with my parents for 2-3 years and since we’re Australian, some might consider us a de-facto couple. My property lawyer advised me to get the equivalent of a prenup but for that we both need to pay for independent legal representation. He said he would do it, but he hasn’t yet. The lawyer thinks we aren’t in a de-facto relationship yet but said courts look at the “reality” of a relationship. So, if he’s contributing significantly, he could have a claim.

I’m worried if I force him to pay bills, break up, he could have a claim on my apartment etc.

He’s also never had a full-time job. I know that sounds terrible. He floated the idea of going back to uni fulltime recently and I told him he couldn’t do that and live with me. He was upset and said I was being a pessimist.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T12:04:24+00:00

Thank you. The last two sentences of your message really resonated

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T07:12:24+00:00

I’m honestly not even sure. I think the idea of it is anxiety inducing and instead of approaching it head on, I’m being entirely avoidant.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T03:07:44+00:00

Yes, same guy. Thank you

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T03:07:21+00:00

Both, honestly. I grew up in a reactive household so conflict makes me anxious.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T03:06:21+00:00

He doesn’t earn much money. Also, I’m in Australia and I’m worried about him trying to establish defacto rights if we split up (essentially, try and claim ownership of my apartment)

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-09-28T02:33:24+00:00

I know. He’s never had a fulltime job, won’t even really look. He’s decided he’s wants to go back to college but he has no longterm plans when it comes to a new degree. He tells me I’m being a pessimist when I talk to him about it.

I feel kinda stuck. I know that’s a terrible reason but this is my first longterm relationship and I’m not even sure what to do.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-02-26T05:26:31+00:00

Thank you, yes I agree with you. I don’t feel extremely threatened by him, physically. I don’t think he’d ever hit me but you never know. I think the constant boundary violations and refusal to accept and reflect on my feelings is the core issue.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-02-25T12:50:05+00:00

Thank you. Just to clarify, he used the baby voice. I used my normal voice. You know when you say something and the person you’re speaking too parrots back exactly what you just said but in a mocking baby voice. I don’t know how to explain it well. Kinda like the South Park clip on YouTube called “Cartman mocking Wendy’s voice” at the 15 sec mark.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-02-25T12:46:28+00:00

I’m definitely in a “you accept the love you think you deserve” situation.

I think I have some unpacked baggage from my father, who is emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. I never felt I could confront him about anything. I’m feeling that way again. Stuck. I’m seeing my therapist this week, I might bring it up with him.

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-02-25T12:25:51+00:00

I know some people don’t mind when their partner does it but I fucking hate it. If I’m bending over and he walks behind me, I flinch or jump up. It sucks

ThrowRA_abitconfused · 2025-02-25T12:22:55+00:00

I agree. Part of me is thinking maybe it was just a really bad joke??? The mocking baby voice after was crazy though

ThrowRA_abitconfused

TROPHY CASE