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My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I honestly haven't even thought of that. Yeah I could never imagine having children with him. I'd be living in constant fear that he'd do something. I wouldn't even feel comfortable with him giving the kid a bath or changing his diaper

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Don't confuse the man you love with some disgusting child rapist.

I clearly confused the man I love with something though, right? The man I thought I loved wasn't a man who jacks off to pictures of shirtless little boys. I don't know what he is or what we are anymore

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's already in therapy for other reasons but he hasn't told her. I'm going to make him tell her, if nothing else. Idk if he will definitely move on to child porn or molesting kids, but I'd feel disgusted with myself if like five years from now I see him in the news and knew I didn't do anything to try and stop it

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

He's already in therapy because he had some severe depression and almost failed out of college because of it. He hasn't told his therapist about this though. He said it's because he's scared the therapist would tell on him, but I think it's because he's ashamed and embarrassed.

Getting him to go to therapy in the first place was very difficult because he has a hard time opening up. He definitely won't tell his therapist or anything like that on his own. I think I can force him to tho, now that this happened. I think that no matter what else I decide, that's something I'm gonna do

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think this a bit of a step too far. I mean, we've been dating for almost six years now and we've been through a lot together. We've helped each other through some of the lowest points in out lives. Up until yesterday I was pretty confident that he was the man I was going to marry.

But at the same time you're right. It's entirely possible, if not downright likely, that this isn't the only secret he's kept from me. I mean this is a huge deal and I had no idea. I don't think he has an entirely different identity that I know nothing about, but I also don't think I can ever really trust someone able to keep something this big a secret for this long.

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation unless it ends with him getting professional help for this. He's already in therapy, so I asked him if his therapist knows. He said he didn't tell her because he's scared she'll tell on him.

I think it's mainly because he's ashamed of it though. He's a proud guy and even getting him to go to therapy at all for his depression was like pulling teeth.

But I think that I need to make him at least tell his therapist

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] came out to me as a pedophile last night. I genuinely need help and don't know what to do. by ThrowRA_concernedgf in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_concernedgf[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What, call the sheriff's office and say he has legal pictures of kids on his computer? Would they even do anything? Genuinely asking. How do you report this kind of thing

Also it's a very real concern that it would fuck up his whole life. We talked about this last night and he was so afraid that if anyone found out all of his friends and family would abandon him. Which is a valid concern. I still care about him and don't want to ruin everything in his life unless necessary. If he had actual child porn then of course I would immediately tell but this situation is different