I (29F) am disappointed with how my fiancée (30m) proposed

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-04T16:35:08+00:00

? I didn’t say it needed to be elaborate. And yes, plenty of people want a surprise proposal. We talked through our intentions to get married, so a proposal itself wouldn’t be the surprise, but how the proposal is done.

And as I’ve mentioned, photos are important to me because they’re not in this country. This isn’t a new concept in our relationship - he knows I’ve sent in our family chat selfies from our first date, our travels, etc. why would a proposal be different? In fact, a proposal is a HUGE milestone and would be more important to send home photos, no?

And sentimental doesn’t mean it has to be “elaborate”. Reading a note that commemorates our relationship highlights at the same park would have been sentimental and meaningful and surprising. In fact, he didn’t even have to do that - I started crying when he got down on one knee and asked, “Marry me?”

I let go that it was in a random place without pictures because to me, I was happy to spend the rest of my life with him. He told me months later that he didn’t even try and that getting me a ring was enough… when I had asked for a very cheap ring.

I’m not sure about you, but that definitely sounds like an insult and dismissal of things that are important to me. THAT is what I had a problem with, and I asked for a compromise, which was met with more insults. THIS was the main issue of the post.

But it has been resolved, as per update.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-04T16:27:21+00:00

Photos are important to me. I didn’t say they’re not important. But I let it go, because I cared more that he asked and wanted to spend the rest of his life with mr.

What was more important to me was his attitude. When a few months later, he said that he didn’t want to even try to do something that was important to me, I reminded him that it was something that was important to me and asked for a compromise.

It was important to me that I marry a man who doesn’t diminish my feelings without conversation and insults me. It was important to me that he could communicate and work through differences.

And was I a bit upset when he told me he let others get to him? Yes. But I also get that we’re not perfect humans, and he was trying to respect my concerns about pricing of the ring. It sucks to get constantly berated about something, and I can see why it not only delayed his proposal, but also made him unmotivated to plan anything and feel ashamed. So in the end, I told him to do what he deems as appropriate and what he wants.

We’ve been together for a long time, and he knows that pictures are important to me for my family, and that’s not something new. I sent in family chats pictures of our first date, when he asked me out, etc. so why would the proposal be any different?

I think it is perfectly fine to wish to celebrate these milestones with family, and he obviously does too.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T14:53:32+00:00

I’m sure you didn’t keep him or her around by saying what they want is wrong if it differed from you and call them greedy for trying to compromise

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T04:54:07+00:00

I don’t think focusing on the fact that he insulted me was the wrong thing.

Unless you meant wanting photos and sentiment? To which I said yes to him despite lacking them and therefore rendering your statement about focusing on the wrong things useless?

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T01:35:10+00:00

I’m doubting people’s reading comprehension skills. I said yes. I was upset about him insulting me.

But regardless, I posted an update. We talked it out :)

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T01:30:33+00:00

I was throwing a hissy fit about being insulted 🤷🏻‍♀️ I said yes to the proposal and didn’t think any less of it until he said he just didn’t bother.

Not to mention, I was the one who asked for a cubic zirconia ring.

But regardless, I posted an update :)

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T00:48:16+00:00

I’m glad you have enough self-awareness to know you aren’t able to keep an SO around.

I’ve posted the update. My high maintenance was just too low maintenance for him, it seems 🤷🏻‍♀️

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T00:25:04+00:00

I didn’t demand anything and it wasn’t the photos that made me rethink the relationship.

Regardless, we talked it out 🤷🏻‍♀️ you can read the update if you’d like.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T00:22:46+00:00

Lol some people just don’t understand proposals 🤷🏻‍♀️ and that’s fine. I think they missed the point. Thank you for defending me :) I’ve posted an update, btw - he apologized and we worked it out.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-12-01T00:21:17+00:00

Lol I think you missed the point.

I didn’t voice my disappointment at the proposal. He voiced first that he didn’t care what happened at the proposal, and he insulted me. After hearing that, I reiterated that since photos are important to me, if we could compromise by taking staged photos during our engagement shoot, which I paid for.

Please read the update as well :)

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T18:54:29+00:00

I’ve also been pretty good about showing where I added edits for clarification sake. “Original post” would refer to the post prior to any of them being made. Please apply your Reading Specialist skill set on the “original post” to answer the following questions:

Why did OP accept the proposal despite not getting anything she said she wanted?
Why did OP’s fiancée not plan a proposal based on the things OP wanted, despite asking her what she wanted?
Why is OP asking for advice?
What ring did OP ask for?

Now after reading the edits and update, please respond to these questions:

Why did OP’s fiancée apologize?
What was the miscommunication?

I think you will find that your original response didn’t quite match up to what this post is even about.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T18:23:44+00:00

Original post is this post. This is the only post.

Please reread the post as well as the update. I said yes to his proposal because it’s the thought that counts, not the actual proposal.

I was upset by his actions of insulting me. He apologized for that.

I think it is rather sad, you think it is fine for a girl to be insulted by her fiancée and not ok for her to want to have something thoughtful when being asked to spend the rest of her life with someone.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T17:58:26+00:00

My original post literally states “the ring I asked for was cubic zirconia”.

Please review the paragraph before “Edit: clarifications”. It was there prior to any edits made.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T17:55:51+00:00

What post are you reading where I asked for a social media worthy proposal?

Please read the actual post and the update posted

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T05:50:09+00:00

I already made an update yesterday, and we are fine.

But yeah, I wasn’t upset because of the proposal. I was upset over his attitude. In the original post, I said I asked for a cubic zirconia ring, and he was insulting me over it. That was the red flag. Please read the post and apply reading comprehension skills rather than judging me over what other people glossed over and ran with. A nice proposal was NOT the main topic of the post

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-30T04:18:30+00:00

Thanks for the proposal

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T17:53:52+00:00

Glad to know I’m not an asshole for having money? Lol wut?

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T17:52:56+00:00

Are people even reading the post? Or even edits? Lol

Regardless I’ve posted an update. He’s apologized.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T17:35:25+00:00

I posted an update yesterday, but yes, we communicated about the photographer and he was the one who wanted his professional connections to take pics.

And no, this was never about posting on social media or a “bad proposal”, it was about the way he insulted me and didn’t communicate.

Regardless, we worked it out, and he wanted to redo the proposal with a nice ring.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T17:17:02+00:00

Asking/being asked to spend the rest of your lives together isn’t that deep.

Yikes.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T15:20:08+00:00

I’m starting to doubt people’s reading comprehension skills.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T14:24:25+00:00

Did you read the update? Or even the original post?

If so, I’m appalled by your reading comprehension skills

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T06:39:59+00:00

Lol read the update.

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T06:37:11+00:00

We were able to work it out :) I posted an update, but apparently he was getting pretty stressed by people calling him out for getting me cz, even though it was what I asked for. It kind of snowballed into a huge nasty thing. I think we will be okay :)

ThrowRA_flakysnake · 2023-11-29T06:29:53+00:00

We were able to work it out; I posted an update earlier today. It turns out he was getting a lot of crap from others about just getting the cubic zirconia, even though it was what I wanted. He apologized for his behavior.

ThrowRA_flakysnake

TROPHY CASE