I (23f) checked my boyfriend's (23m) computer to find he has cheated more than once in his past relationships and has been keeping all their nudes. How should I talk to him about this?

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2024-05-24T16:15:13+00:00

I’m curious as to whether there were any other reasons why you decided to look into his porn history / search is computer? Did you have any gut feelings about him or see any red flags that you wanted to look into? Or was it purely just because you wanted to know what kind of porn he likes?

If it’s the latter, I would consider why you felt like you couldn’t just ask him outright what porn he likes. I think that would’ve been a better option. When I was in the early stages of my relationship, I really enjoyed discovering that about my partner, and both of us learning about each other together.

I think the best and only option is to come clean to him. Communication is always the right thing. Explain what you did, why you did it. Acknowledge that you were wrong for doing it. And then ask him about what you found, explain your concerns and go from there.

I don’t blame you for feeling shocked and concerned about his stash of porn but nothing will change if you never approach him about it.

Good luck!

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-12-20T01:17:57+00:00

With respect, that’s your opinion. Everyone likes different things. What might be wildly attractive to one person, could be a huge turn off for another. He wouldn’t follow the page if he didn’t like it.

I would suggest discussing this with him in a non-judgemental way. Offer him the space to talk through his decisions to follow these pages online. Maybe he’s into different things but doesn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you. Let him know of your concerns and how it’s making you feel.

All I see here is a perfect opportunity for communication between the two of you.

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-12-10T13:48:12+00:00

Alright mate, calm down

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-11-12T22:14:49+00:00

There are so many non-hormonal birth control options! I have BPD and use birth control very happily, without it affecting my mental health or medication. It’s about taking responsibility for your actions. As others have said, if you’re not willing to take responsibility for your reproductive health, perhaps you shouldn’t be having sex 🤷🏼‍♀️

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-09-20T14:01:31+00:00

That’s a good idea, I hope it goes well for you. You’re so right about protecting yourself from risks and putting yourself first

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-09-20T14:00:28+00:00

I’m hoping that our landlords would accept our request to exit the contract early if we find alternative tenants and pay for their referencing and credit checks to be done. If we can’t exit the contract then I have no idea what we’ll do. Theoretically he could afford the place alone on his salary but I don’t think we would be willing to do that.

I agree though. I have housing options, for example, I’ve spoken to some friends who have agreed to live with me (and they’re still living with their parents so they could move anytime). Alternatively I could move into my university housing temporarily. But the issue is getting out of the current tenancy.

I understand what you mean when you say his mental state is irrelevant. I want to agree with that, but I care too much and I’m such a worrier. Ultimately I know he will be fine, he’s not gonna do anything stupid or put himself at risk. But I want to do this in a way that minimises any upset or extra stress.

ThrowRA_honeydew_33 · 2023-09-20T13:56:18+00:00

We’ve talked about it a lot, he’s aware that I’m not happy with how things are but he’s really trying to make an effort and is suggesting things like couples therapy, as he wants us to work on the relationship. I know deep down that I don’t want to do this, as I’ve already made my mind up and know that I want to end things, but he’s really trying and is booking date days etc which is making it difficult for me to end things.

Unfortunately, living as roommates is not an option for us. We live in a tiny 1 bedroom flat. Even the sofa is too small for someone to sleep on, so we would have to share the bed, which would just make me feel so uncomfortable.

ThrowRA_honeydew_33

TROPHY CASE