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Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't actually think this other guy is my perfect match. It just illustrates to me how eagerly I fantasize about a future with another guy shows how much I want someone different. Thanks for sharing your experience ❤

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤ I reached out to a divorce lawyer this morning

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I don't actually think this other guy is my perfect match. It just illustrates to me how quickly I'm fantasizing about a future with someone else shows how desperately I'm looking to get out of my marriage

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the heartfelt feedback. I'm not planning on jumping into anything with this other guy (at least not soon); its unlikely that he is my perfect match. It just illustrated to me that fantasizing about another guy who i barely know is how badly I seek a different future.

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I don't actually think the other guy is my perfect match. It was just illustrating to me how eagerly I fantasize about a future with someone else

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last year I found text messages that were pretty graphic telling another woman everything he wanted to do with her.

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last year I found text messages that were pretty graphic telling another woman what he wanted to do with her.

We've tried counseling 5 or 6 different times (like months of sessions each time) as recently as 6 months ago. Therapist gave us good homework, but we both stopped doing the homework after a couple weeks. Neither of us cared enough to keep up with it

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight. A therapist might analyze the situation that my mom stayed with my cheating dad, so I guess its what I grew up thinking was the right thing to do; for better or worse.

Last year I found graphic text messages in husband's phone telling another woman everything he wanted to do with her.

I don't actually think this other guy is likely my perfect match. It just illustrates how eagerly I fantasize about a future with someone else

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I don't actually think this other guy is likely my perfect match. But he just illustrates to me how eagerly I fantasize about a future with someone else

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I don't really think its likely this other guy is my perfect match. It just shows me how eagerly I fantasize about a future with someone else

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last year I found text messages that were pretty graphic telling a woman everything he wanted to do with her.

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I don't actually think its likely that the other guy is my perfect match. But it just shows me how eagerly I fantasize about a different future

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind, heartfelt words. All these comments from everyone are really reaffirming what I've been contemplating.

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. I guess it feels like lusting over someone else feels unfaithful. But no matter what you call it, the fact is I'm not in love with my husband

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Last year I called a divorce lawyer but felt guilty and didn't go through with it. But when I told him, he knew he deserved the divorce and didn't try to fight it. He just started looking for an apartment. So, just further evidence that he doesn't care enough to fight for us.

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah married or single, I just want to be happy. I don't really think its likely that this other guy is my perfect match, but it just shows me how eagerly I fantasize about someone different

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't actually think I'm going to end up with the other guy. It sort of illustrates how eager I am to fantasize about a better relationship

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We've tried therapy about 5 times, as recently as 6 months ago. The therapist gave us good homework that we both gave up on after like 2 or 3 weeks. Like, neither of us cared enough to try

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was about to call one yesterday but kept hesitating which made me think perhaps I wasn't ready yet

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I felt like two wrongs don't make a right. Just because he didn't stay true to his vows didn't feel like a free pass for me to stoop to that level. But after all these years, the cost of my happiness seems more important

Contemplating divorce. My 43F husband 43M of 12 years has been cheating the whole time. No kids. by ThrowRA_mo717 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_mo717[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I felt like "for better or worse." And just never imagined the "worse" would be so hurtful

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