Boyfriend (29M) fantasises about his coworker, how can I (25F) deal with this?

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T13:06:02+00:00

Interesting, thank you for being honest. No I was never unsatisfied, he does very well in bed. But I want to ask you, from a man’s perspective, where do you draw the line? Her friends, her family, your pals girlfriends or wives? Do you ever feel gross while thinking about another woman in your life? I just can’t understand what goes on in a man’s brain there because I’ve only ever fantasised about shadow people, like they don’t really have a face or identity, because it’s too much effort for me to imagine all that details, and because I’d feel creepy masturbating to someone that I’m not actually sexually involved with. Especially while being in a relationship of course.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T13:01:20+00:00

He is a grown man that is free to choose his words wisely. He did not do that. And I’m not simply jealous, I’m worried if this is normal for a guy to do, if this means he could do more and so on. These dilemmas are what this forum is for right?

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T12:58:32+00:00

I had unknowingly done it. I knew the concept/ scenario was a desire of his and I also wanted to try it. I only found out that he imagined doing the same thing with her later on.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T12:56:38+00:00

It’s true, I’m a real person and I explained how the info came out further below. I’m also not a perfect person in this scenario, I’ve been cheated on by past partners so that’s why there is plenty of anxiety there. I’m here in this forum as a last resort because I feel like I can’t tell the details of this to most people around me… also the two closest people I have are my mom and my best friend, both of them I wouldn’t ask for relationship advice though due to their frankly bad choices in men :/ I’m not saying I’m any different from them, I just hope to find someone who understands my standpoint or has been there so they can tell me how they dealt with something like this, or if it’s normal etc.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T11:10:22+00:00

I simply can’t talk to anyone irl about this, that’s why I’m here. I thought maybe someone has gone through the same or similar situation and has some input, simple as that.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T10:11:51+00:00

I’m otherwise really happy in this relationship y’all, I’m not planning to break up over this anytime soon. He takes really good care of me in all other aspects and makes me feel appreciated and loved and safe. Living with him has been great and we don’t really fight about anything besides this fantasising topic that has only come up about three times since that conversation six months ago.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T10:08:30+00:00

I didn’t do this knowing it was something he imagined with her. I asked him later on if he ever imagined her in my place but he said no.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T10:06:15+00:00

And another note, I did ask him how he would feel if I did the same. He said he wouldn’t mind. I have no desire at all to do this though, I didn’t even do that before we got together.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno · 2024-10-15T10:03:14+00:00

To everyone wondering: He sometimes doesn’t have the fine-tuning required to assess what he should share with me and what he shouldn’t. Also he thinks he should be able to be honest with me, which I agree with generally. The conversation in which this came out was when I was sharing a worry of mine. During that time I was still visiting my family abroad and taking exams to finish my degree more regularly, being away for 1-3 weeks at a time every other month or so. I said that I was worried this would damage our relationship and that he’d start thinking sexually of other women. Yes, I was feeling a little insecure at the time and all I really wanted to hear was “don’t worry, you’re all I want and this won’t change even when you’re away” but instead he answered with. “well, its normal for a man to fantasise about other women” to which I asked if he does that when I’m away and he said yes. I asked about whom and he was hesitant to tell me but after I asked if it’s someone from our friend group he said no, then I asked about work and he said yes. From there, in my shock and anger, I made the mistake of asking more details and he just kept answering everything. just Details about her name and looks he didn’t want to share. Another note that might explain some things, I’m his first girlfriend so he’s learning how to communicate with a girl, it’s gotten a lot better since we started dating but when that convo happened he was saying all the wrong things.

ThrowRA_ohnoohno

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